Disclaimer: Come on people, if I owned Yugioh, then why the hell would I be writing a fanfiction for my own story? I also don't own the Price is Right. Duh.
Plenty of Tea bashing in this fic!
This first chapter is in script format because that is how I wrote it and if has a problem with that then insert vulgar action here
Qi is me in the story if you can't figure that out yourself. (QuietlyInsane)
All future chapters to this story will not be in script format for fear of being reported… or whatever they do. Anyway, this is 3 chapters I wrote smushed into one so enjoy! And please review!
/yami to yugi, yugi to yami/ same goes for Ryou and Bakura.
Crazy Game of Uno
(Yugi and Qi walking down the street)
Qi - Hey I say we should just shoot her- (interrupted by the bubbly bitch Tea
screaming at them from down the across the street)
Tea- Hello my friends! Isn't it a glorious day!
Qi-(flatly) Hello Tea aside to Yugi Please can I shoot her?
Yugi- (aside to Qi) No! I love her!
Qi -(rolls eyes) Then why set your alter ego up on a date with her?
Yugi- It wasn't a date!
Qi - Yea and scallops are flying out of my pants (Tea crosses street and amazingly
doesn't get hit by a car) Damn.
Tea- You both must come to my house, we can watch rated G movies and draw smiley
faced friendship symbols all over our bodies!
Yugi- ummm...
Qi - Sorry Tea, maybe some other time.
Tea- (looking completely unphased by this rejection) Well OK! Yes, some other
time!(skips away, throwing paper flowers on random people that pass her by)
Qi - God Damn it, why must people like that exist! (wind picks up drastically)
WHAT THE HELL!
Yugi-(looks up to see Kiaba jumping down from one of his helicopters) Kiaba?
Kiaba- I CHALLENGE YOU TO A GAME OF...
Qi - (rolls eyes) Well, here we go again.
Kiaba- UNO!
Yugi- Uno?
Kiaba- Yes, UNO! I will regain my title of the world's number one duelist
and-(interrupted by Yugi)
Yugi- You'll regain your title through a game of uno?
Kiaba- YES! MWHAHAHA!
(white van pulls up, men in white suits jump out)
Random guy in white suit- Time to go back to the Happy Hotel, Mr. Kiaba
Kiaba- NO NO! (men wrestle him to the ground, put a straight jacket on him) NO
PLEASE I MUST REGAIN MY TITLE!(thrown in van driven away)
Yugi- wow.
Yami-/laughing hysterically from him soul room/
Qi -(sees uno deck on ground) Wanna play any way?
Yugi- Sure (annoying blue light thing) YU-GI-OH!
Qi - Now, was that really necessary?
Yami- um...yes! I am the King of all Games including UNO!
Qi - I think we have established that fact.
Yami- LETS DUEL!
Qi - To solve every problem must you insist on a duel?
Yami- Yes...
Qi - Whatever, I'll go first (puts down red four)
Yami- MY MOVE!
Qi - No Shit.
Yami- I have nothing in my hand that can defeat a red four!
Qi - Do you even know how to play?
Yami- Of course I do...no...well, I am a quick study! (slaps down a red skip card)
Qi -(waits for Yami to go again...he doesn't) dude, its your turn again, you skipped
my turn with that card so its your turn.
Yami-I knew that!...I have nothing...
Qi - UGH! Then you draw until you do have something!
Yami-(smirking) That only helps me defeat you sooner.
Qi -(sighs) No Yami, drawing more cards is bad in this game.
(this cycle of Yami, putting down cards he doesn't understand, Qi getting pissed off
continues until Qi calls)
Qi - UNO!
Yami-(has almost the whole flippin' deck in his hands) NO! I don't have anything that
can stop her! Heart of the UNO cards guide me! (pulls yellow 2) NO! I need a wild plus
4 in order to defeat her! The heart of the UNO cards has failed me! (begins sobbing)
Qi - Dude, it's just a game...for the love of Ra.
Narrator- Will Yami ever win the game? Will the Heart of the UNO cards guide him?
Qi - There is no Heart of the UNO cards!
Yami- NO! continues sobbing
Narrator- Will Qi shoot Tea?
Qi - You bet your sweet ass I will.
Narrator- Will Kiaba ever regain his title? Find out, next time!
Yami-(blows nose) Which is when?
Narrator- Whenever the mighty authoress decides it shall be.
Yami- And who is this "mighty authoress"?
Narrator- No one knows.
Qi -(to herself) wow, these people are stupid. (rolls eyes)
The Price is Right
(Yami and Qi still playing uno)
Yami-(puts hand on deck I surrender retreats back to soul room, leaves Yugi standing
there)
Qi - Yami has some serious issues.
Yugi- Yea, well, you would too if you were trapped in puzzle pieces for 5,000 years.
Qi -Its 3,000 years.
Yugi- But the theme song guy said-
Qi - Well, the theme song guy got it wrong.
Theme Song Guy- Hey!
Qi - Sorry, Dude but your wrong, you clearly state in your annoying little speech at
the beginning of season one, "when the pyramids were still young" that indicates that the
time period to be about 3,000 years, because 5,000 years is when the first pyramid was
being built, planned, or not even thought of yet, I'm not sure which but I know your
wrong.
Yugi- Damn, you're good.
Qi - Thanks, I have a knack for history.
Ryou-(jumps out of a nearby manhole)Hello Everyone! I got tickets to the Price is Right!
Yugi-What are you were you doing down there! And it's just me and Qi standing here Ryou (looks around and sees everyone standing around him) How the- What the-
Qi - Don't question it.
(On plane with, Yugi, Yami, Bakura, Ryou, Tea, Tristen, Joey, Kiaba, Mokuba,(why Mokuba? We'll he's always in tow) Kiaba in
straight jacket and Qi)
Bakura- I will kill you all.
(In audience)
Yugi- This is so awsome!
Tea- I'm here with all my friends!
Qi - glaring at Tea, plotting) Too many witnesses here...
Joey- I hope I win a new car!
Man with shiny jacket- Joey Wheeler you're the next contestant on the Price is
Right!(music plays)
Joey- HOLY SHIT! (runs down to contestants row, giving random people high fives)
HI BOB, I'D LIKE TO MAKE A SHOUT OUT TO MY SIS SERENITY I LUV YA!
(has I love Bob painted all over his face)
Bob- Riiiiiiiight...Lets show them the next item up for bid.(Barker Beauty comes out
with a washer and dryer, announcer guy explains it)
Bob- Joey what is your bid?
Joey- Ummmm...40, 000 yen?
Bob- In american money...
Joey- Uh, I dont know the exchange rate...
Bob- Just come up here your the only one in contestant row.
Joey- (looks around sees that he is) OH! FLIPPIN' SWEET! (runs up on stage)
Bob- (flatly) I wonder what he could win?
(up in audience)
Mokuba- What's up with, Bob, he used to be so cheery?
Qi - Cut him a break he friggin' 90 yrs old.
Down on stage
Man in shiny jacket- A NEW CAR!
Joey- (flipping out, runs around stage)
Ygo cast- What the Hell?
Kiaba- The mut gets a car!
Bob- Now Joey, Do you know how to win this game?
Joey- Of course I do, ya jus' pick da price of da car from da two price tags, those lovely
ladies are holdin' ova there, (winks at the ladies, they roll their eyes) I pick...(crowd
goes nuts, all yellin' at him, tellin' him which one to pick) DAT ONE! (sirens go off)
Bob- He won! Big ass surprise.
Joey- (flips out) THIS CAR WILL GO GREAT WITH THE 3 MILLION DOLLARS!
Yugi- WHAT?
Qi - Oh, come on Yugi, no operation costs 3 million dollars, it was actually 3 million
yen, but I have no idea what that is in dollars.
Man in Shiny jacket- Yugi Mutou, you're the next contestant on the price is
right!
music plays, an extremely pissed off Yugi, who is now Yami, storm down to
contestants row, next item up for bid is shown
Kiaba-(who was apparently called down at some point)... 3,000 dollars, Bob.
Yami-glares at Kiaba 1 dollar.
Bob- The actual retail price is, 2,999 dollars, Yugi wins!
Kiaba- NO! I MUST REGAIN MY TITLE!
(since I am way too lazy, to write out the whole damn game, obviously Yami wins, Tea
is also called down, wins at contestants row)
Bob- Tea your going to play-PLINKO! (loud happy roar from audience)
Tea- Oh my good golly gosh!
in audience
Qi -(crossbow out aimed at Tea's head) Move an inch to the left you little bitch...
on stage
Tea- Bob? How do I do this?
Bob- Normally, you pick which price is right for the blender and other assorted lame prizes and if you get it right you get plinko chips to put in the board, but since I'm probably gonna die soon just take the damn chips.
Tea- Oh, thank you friend for explaining that to me! (goes to put chips in board, Tea
falls in Plinko board, is sliced up, not unlike a Kenny death, South Park (if you don't
know)
Bob- Oh, too bad Tea. (no one seems to give a flying fuck)
Qi- (pouting) Oh, I wanted to kill her, damn it...
Narrator- Will Yugi get his money back?
Joey- (rolls up in a hummer on 22s ( 22 inch rims people, get the times) wearing a fur
coat, covered in diamonds and bling, with 6 hookers in the hummer with him) His ass
ain't gettin' that money back, I spent it all!
Narrator- Uh...right then...Will Tristen ever have a line to say in this story?
Tristen- (starts to say something, Qi knocks him out with frying pan)
Narrator- Will Kiaba ever regain his title? Probably not. Tune in next time, for the
exciting continuation of THE PRICE IS RIGHT!
Boxers of Briefs
- ok since I'm way to lazy to write out the ending for the price is right, I'm not gonna, use
your imagination, now with this chapter, I've got 2 versions of the opening sequence,
Why? I couldn't decide which was better so here ya go-
Yugi getting dressed in the morning, starts to put on briefs
Yami- Must you insist on wearing those things?
Yugi-(screams) You watch me dress?
Yami- (rolls eyes) We share the same body, baka!
Yugi- Oh, Well, to answer your question I don't like boxers. Why don't you like briefs?
Yami- I feel confined in tight spaces.
Yugi-(to himself) This, coming from the guy who lives in a puzzle...
Yami- Thats it! We're wearing boxers!
Yugi- NO! runs away from Yami( still naked, might I add )
Yami- You can't run from yourself! (takes control, quickly grabs the boxers, stuffed in
back of Yugi's underwear drawer, begins to put them on)
Yugi-(takes back contol) NO!(control switches back and forth between them as the
boxers go up and down,Qi walks in)
Qi - Are you two ready yet-(sees that the boxers are down at this point) I'll
leave you two alone...
Alternate beginning
Yugi-(starts putting on boxers)
Yami- Must you insist on wearing those things?
Yugi-(screams) You watch me dress!
Yami-Well, Duh! Gotta make sure you put on the appropriate amount of belts!
Yugi- (rolls eyes) 8 belts aren'nt enough for you? (check me on that, the neck belt, 2
belts around the waste, and 2 on either wrist of his jacket, and 3 on that bondage shirt he
wears on occasion)
Yami- You know full well, about my belt fetish!
Yugi-(disregarding what he just heard) What's wrong with boxers?
Yami- They bunch up in the sexy, tight leather pants the ladies love.
Qi-(whistles from other room)
Yami-(hearing Qi's whistle) See?
Yugi- They only bunch up on me, because I got a bigger size for you.
Yami- Oh, right, the height difference.
Yugi- And the weight gain-
Yami- THE WHAT?
Yugi- The weight gain, we grow a foot in height, and that's gotta add some extra pounds.
Yami-(sniffles) Are you saying im fat?(begins to cry)
Yugi- What? No! That's not what I meant!
Yami-That's not what I heard!
Qi-(walks in room) Are you done getting ready yet? (sees that they're still naked)
I guess that's not the only thing that gets bigger...(grins)
Yami/Yugi-(both realize that they're naked andblush)
Dragon- I'll leave you two alone...
Yugi-(quickly puts on boxers and gets dressed, with all 8 belts, walks out)
-This is where it is the same-
Qi- So where are we going?
Yugi- Umm, How about, McDonalds?
Qi- Sounds good. (get to McDonalds) I'll have a McChicken sandwich with a Root
Beer.(pays)
Yugi- Hmmmm, What do I want...
Yami- /Chicken./
Yugi- (begins to order) Chi- /wait, I don't want chicken, I want a quarter pounder with
cheese/
Yami-/ Well, fine put extra pickles on it./
Yugi-(contines order) Extra-/wait, no, I hate pickles/
Yami- (takes contol screams) Pickles!
Yugi-(takes back control, yells) No!
Yami- (takes control again, screams) Pickles!
Yugi-(regains control, yells) No!
all that the cashier heard was- Chi-Extra-PICKLES!-NO!-PICKLES!-NO!
Cashier-(stepback from the counter, slowly)Is there a problem sir?
Yugi-Ummm, no...(interrupted by screaming at the next counter)
Ryou- (yelling) -SALAD!
Bakura-(screaming)- HAPPY MEAL!
Ryou-(yelling)- SALAD!
Bakura- (now thrashing about) I WANT A FUCKING MY LITTLE PONY BIG KIDS MEAL!
Cashier- Somebody call the asylum!
Yugi- Oh, Crap!(grabs Bakura, runs out the door, with Qi close behind0
Qi -(running )WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?(hears sirens) OH, SHIT
WHAT NOW!
(White van pulls up, men in white jump out, tackle Yugi, Bakura, and Qi)
Bakura- NEVER SURRENDER! (man in white wrestles a straight jacket on him)
Qi - HEY I'M NOT THE SCHITZOS THEY ARE! (straight jacket out on Qi)
Yugi- (doesn't get chance to say anything before a straight jacket is put on him, and a
tranquillizer is injected into his ass, all three thrown in van)
Yugi-(wakes up in padded room, strapped to the wall, beside Bakura and Qi) What
happened?
Qi - You damn schitzos got me taken to an asylum.
Bakura-(who apparently took control earlier)This wouldn't have happened if I had only gotten my happy meal...
Ryou- / oh just shut up, you got to pick last time/
Bakura- /well last time they didn't have my little pony happy meals/
Yami- (takes control) Well we're not getting anywherestrapped to the damn wall.
men in white come back
Random Asylum worker- Time for group therapy.(hauls them off the the therapy session.)
Doctor- Now tell me what happened.
Yami-(looks at Bakura)
Bakura-(nods towards Yami)
Qi - Any final words Doc, while you still think your a doctor?
Doctor-...What thats supposed to mean-(bright flash of light, coming from Yami's
direction, Doctor slumps over)
Bakura- So, Pharaoh, What did you make him think he was?
Yami- An Almond Joy.
Qi - (rolls eyes) Real creative, let's get out of here.
(Bakura and Yami easily manuver their ways out of the straight jackets.)
Qi-(sees they're free) How did you do that!
Yami-(begins to unstrap Qi)
Bakura-You honestly believe that this is our first time in straight jackets?
Yami- Okay let's get out of here.
Bakura- Follow me, I am a master at escaping any situation, being a tomb robber and all!
(all run down hall, sirens go off)
Yami-glares at Bakura I thought you were a "master" at escaping any situation, tomb
robber!
Bakura- Hey, it was a silent alarm, and I haven't been to this institution!
Yami-(mutters) that's a surprise...
Bakura- Oh, Get off your high horse Pharaoh!
Qi - BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP! IN CASE YOU HAVENT NOTICED WERE
TRYING TO FLEE SWIFTLY!
(all run down various hallways and corridors)
Yami- I think I see the exit!
Bakura- Thank you Captain Obvious, it's the door with the glowing red exit sign above
it!
Qi - LIKE I SAID! SHUT UP!(guards up ahead, running towards them) Uh, Yami
this would be a great time for a mind crush!
Bakura- This asylum was set up because a certain spirit couldn't keep his mindcrushes to
himself!
Yami-(ignoring Bakura) MINDCRUSH! (bright flash of light, all the guards slump
over)
Qi - Let's keep going! (all run out of asylum, down a few allways, and make it to
Yugi's house) So, What you make them think they were?
Yami- Twizzlers.
Bakura- Again with the candy?
Yami- Hey, I haven't gotten my daily allotment of proccessed sugar today!
Qi -(rolls eyes) Don't worry, next chapter, there will be sugar.
Narrator- Will the police ever find the escaped asylum patients?
Yami- Not if they all want to think they're Reeces Pieces...
Narrator- Will Yami get his sugar?
Yugi- Please don't encourage him! A hyper Yami is a destructive Yami!
Bakura- I hear that!
Narrator- The answers to these questions, and the creation of news one next chapter!
So what do you think? Please Review!
CALLING ALL RYOU FANGIRLS
I am having a contest for all Ryou fangirls! If you would like to be in my next chapter, literally having your way with Ryou, please submit a statement that you wish to be included in the lottery! Now if anyone has seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer and knows of the episode, with the orgi wall, I am looking for one of you to play Buffy in the next chapter. If you can't figure out what you will be doing please look at the rating and figure it out for yourself. Thanks and Good Luck!
Ryou- WHAT?
Qi- You heard me.
Ryou- Are you trying to kill me?
Qi- No, I just figured that I would attract more readers and get more reviews this way.
Ryou- I hate you.
