One Hand Down

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own them; I just like to borrow them once in awhile. This is another T rating – I am sorry – because well you will understand why soon enough.

Part One:

An argument between two brothers


"Your face is so ugly, my butt looks better than it," Mikey teased his older brother. They were having an all out row. Even if you turned down the volume, you could still see the mess they had already created in the last half an hour of insults.

"Unlike you, I know where my butt is!" Raph threw back.

"You stink like the toilet!"

"Well, I know how to use the toilet. I mean I'm not the one who wet the bed til I was ten!"

"I did not, that was you!" Mikey defended himself.

"I never wet the frigging bed, you stupid little individual!"

"Oh now we're getting peeved off," Mikey taunted, as he dodged the remote that came at him, it smashed onto the floor, batteries popping out.

"Peeved off! Peeved off, I've been peeved off ever since I was put in that stupid fish tank with you at the bloody pet shop!"

"Look who's a jealous over grown turtle! You are jealous because the shopkeeper gave me the best food, and you just end up with the no label brand of turtle food. Besides how do you know we could have come from the same egg," Mikey said.

"How the hell would you know what bloody crap we were feed back then Mikey? None of us remembers being a normal turtle and none of us remembers why Splinter did not chuck you out, since you eat the most! Besides turtles don't share eggs, there's only one turtle per egg you dumb-arse."

"I was the smallest and I needed to grow up big and strong, how else was I to become a great ninja," Mikey cried.

"Oh save me the sob story, I hear the foot-ninja takes any old looser! I mean look at the dumb purple dragons we got yesterday, they're not exactly PhD material. I mean they called me a frigging frog! Since when did frogs have shells?"

"It's not my fault they never took biology, besides your not PhD material either – unless you count being the one they dissect for their study," Mikey said, "I mean you must be the most interesting specimen out of us all, what with the injuries you've encountered. What you think Donnie? You think Raph's the one a scientist would want?"

"I'd prefer it if you leaved me out of this, guys," Donnie said, from his computer, "But I would like to state, even though none of you took biology, you seem to have an average knowledge base on the subject."

"I never said I was PhD material, but I'm a darn site more intelligent than an idiot like you!" Raph yelled at his little brother.

"Average, I think I would ace biology if I was a normal teenager and going to school," Mikey said.

Donnie laughed, "Sorry Mikey, but I don't see you happily dissecting any rats!"

"If you were a normal teenager, you'd still be in kindergarten painting pictures of your mother and watching chickens hatch!" Raph informed his brother.

"Hey, Master Splinter wouldn't like to hear you saying that you know! Does Splinter know about them dissecting rats?" Mikey asked.

"He might, it's not something I'm going to ask him about, is it?" Donnie replied.

"Anyway, how on earth would you know what happens in Kindergarten Raphael, they wouldn't let any one who still acts like a two year old in!" Mikey said.

Raph grabbed the nearest item, which was in fact a knitted tea cosy, which Mikey had worn last winter when he complained he was freezing to death. Donnie had told him to put something on his head to keep him warm. Mikey thought he'd set a new fashion trend in the lair, tea cosy head warmers.

"Oh shut up Mikey!" Raph yelled into Mikey's face.

"You know Donnie, he seriously need tactics or something, cos his breath stinks!" Mikey said, when Raph got closer.

"My mouth don't smell like my butt like yours does, oh sorry, you just can't tell with this one which end is the end and which one is the arse on! Even Donnie's not too sure which end he should be talking to, and he's the bloody scientist. Wouldn't you say Donnie" Raph cried.

"I told you both, leave me out of this," Donnie got up and walked to his room. He was sick of being the referee of their stupid fights.

"Bum face," Mikey said.

"Crap for brains."

"Dumpster."

"Ignoramus."

"An egg-a-what? Hey Donnie come back and decode this into English for me," Mikey cried.

"Ha, you don't know what it means do you?"

"No, but do you?"

"Yeah I looked it up in one of Donnie's dictionaries and guess what definition it gave?"

"What?"

"The definition of an ignoramus was stated as Michealangelo, funny that ain't it?"

"It did not!"

"Go check if you like."

"How do you spell it?"

"Gee I don't know, hum, start at the letter A and work your way to Z and you might find it along the way," Raph spat.

"Donnie! How do you spell eggasamus?" Mikey yelled.

"He said he's keeping out of this one," Raph taunted.

"Right I'll go ask Leo," Mikey said, as he walked off to the dojo.

"Yeah, more than likely Leo will tell ya to go ask Don, he usually does. I mean Leo didn't have a clue when I called him that yesterday," Raph said in a mocking tone under his breath. He grinned, that got rid of annoying little brother for oh let's say twenty minutes, enough time for me to scab the TV while he's not looking.

Raph put the batteries back into the remote and flopped in front of the television.


Authors Note: Mikey is having trouble reproducing the right word. No flaming me for the misspelt word. An ignoramus for those who are not sure – means "ignorant person" – according to the dudes up at Oxford who wrote my lovely one. Also making fun of those lousy costumes in movie 3. No wonder Movie 4 will be cartoon - they won't be paying some idiot who can't tell a turtle from a frog. Chapter Two is up next.