Disclaimer: Didn't I do this already? Anyway I don't own the Bleach characters, they belong to Kubo-sensei and I'm merely borrowing them to have fun with them.
Rating: 'PG-13'
Genre: Humor/some romance.
Character(s): Kuchiki Byakuya, Unohana Retsu, Ukitake Jyuushiro and Kyouraki Shunsui.
Pairing(s): ByakuyaxRetsu, slight JyuushiroxSoi and mention of Shunsui+Nanao.
Warning(s):
Major Occ'ness from Byakuya.
Maybe Occ'ness from Shunsui and Soi.
Abuse of alcoholic drinks.
Some perverseness.
Dedication: To my close friend Robert that came with this idea and we worked on it together, so the credit also goes for him, thank you Robert!
Summary: Shunsui has a little much to drink and starts to hit on Retsu and behave like a perfect clone of 'Joey' and 'Miroku' much to Byakuya dislike… (Post Soul Society Ark and the Aizen thingy)
"Punch Drunk Love"
The silver haired captain of the thirteen division silently sat on the engawa that lead to the small garden in the building specially built for the relaxation of the divisions' captains and lieutenants, Yamato thought that after the Aizen affair it will be good for them to have a small space so they could chill and relax before duties once again called them, so that was were Jyuushiro was, sitting in the engawa watching the garden, the grass blades lightly moving against the wind and the sweet fragrance of the many spring blooms.
The atmosphere was so peaceful and soothing that he felt a bit drowsy, well since it seemed everyone was late Jyuushiro decided that it wouldn't be that bad to have a small nap after all Retsu could wake him when she arrived, when he had decided to take his nap he started to chose for the right spot for it however a sharp slap and a familiar wince of pain broke his concentration, he grimaced a bit when he heard the rather familiar voice of an angry Ise Nanao while she screamed at her captain about keeping his hands only to himself.
Jyuushiro slowly stood up when he heard Nanao angry steps walking down the hallway, he wasn't that much surprised when Shunsui opened the rice paper shoji door nor was he surprised when he saw the man with a bottle of sake, it was easy to figure out that Shunsui had got drunk once again and teased Nanao, also it wasn't much of a secret that she felt something for him but his drunken attitude bothered her, Jyuushiro silently sat in front of a wooden table that was in the room and waited for Shunsui to do the same.
"Is it me or Nanao-chan is getting stronger?" A mild drunk Shunsui asked while he sited down and rubbed his right cheek "Because this smack certainly felt much stronger than the ones she usually gives"
Jyuushiro merely shrugged his shoulders "Who knows, maybe she is getting stronger"
"Maybe she is" Shunsui replied a bit worried, if that one had been so strong he didn't wanted to think how the next ones will be, anyhow he loved that seriousness in his feisty lieutenant "I just don't understand why my cute Nanao-chan slaps me that much"
"Have you ever considered that is because of your behavior?" The silver haired captain asked and sighed when he saw the confused look on Shunsui's face "For being a flirt, chasing every beautiful woman you see, for placing your hands where you shouldn't when you're drunk and also for the fact of loving sake"
"Hmph" A lopsided smile came to Shunsui's face when his mind proceeded that information "You know Jyuushiro maybe you're right"
A huge sweat drop appeared in the back of Jyuushiro's head "Aa, I am"
"Well then what I can do?" The captain of the eight division asked
"Err…well…have you ever consider in getting to know her before you throw yourself at her" Jyuushiro suggested and he wanted to fell backwards to the floor when he gave him a look that clearly stated that he didn't understood what he had just say "What I mean is to become friends first? That way you will get to know each other and you'll know what kind of things she likes so you can start a proper courting, if you start as friends first you can built a more solid foundation and you can have more success in having a rather healthy relationship"
"Be friends, first?" Shunsui rested one of his hands under his chin and saw Jyuushiro nodding, he pondered on that for awhile "I really don't think that can work"
"It works and we have even saw some examples of that" The thirteen captain affirmed and slumped his shoulders when his friend looked over at him a bit oddly at his affirmation "Look we have Ichigo and Rukia they started as friends first and then we have Toushiro and Momo, they were friends for a long time before finally getting into a relationship"
"Jyuushiro" The captain of the eight division had a real serious frown on his face, but it didn't lasted long before he grinned a bit stupidly "You're right, being friends for a long time is the best choice"
"Yes, it is" Another sweat drop appeared in the back of the silver haired man when he saw Shunsui practically drinking the bottle of sake completely in one swipe "You should also stop drinking that much"
Whether Shunsui heard those words Jyuushiro will never know nor did he knew how much of a havoc his little piece of advice will cause, he should had specified whom Shunsui should start that friendship instead of almost letting it sound as if he should start a relationship with the first female friend he saw, of course maybe that was the fault of the sake because Shunsui had his mind to fogged as to really understand Jyuushiro advice.
The shoji door slid open again and the captain of the sixth division and the twenty-eight heir of the Kuchiki family stepped inside, he cocked one eyebrow when he saw Shunsui still drinking, after he shook his black head he turned to look at Jyuushiro.
"Hey Byakuya" The thirteen captain greeted, he cocked an eyebrow when his hazel orbs noticed the absence of his long friend "Where is Retsu?"
Byakuya rolled his eyes in annoyance "Your third set intercepted her and kidnapped her so they could speak"
"Ohh…I see" Jyuushiro simply scratched his head, he knew how that could be and that it bothered the sixth division captain "Well is not like you're going to die if you're separated from her for a few minutes"
"You better keep your mouth closed, Jyuushiro" The grey eyed man spatted angrily.
"Don't need to get angry and chop my head off, geez since when you became so possessive" Jyuushiro stood up and walked to his friend "Anyway let's see if we can save Retsu from her"
"If I'm lucky she'll entertain herself with you and leave her alone" Byakuya crossed his arms in front of his chest "After all she's crazy about you"
"Do not remind me so, Soi is not happy about that" The silver haired man opened the second door that was on the right side "We will be back soon, Shunsui"
Shunsui, having stopped drinking from his sake bottle, looked up at them "Yeah, sure"
Both captains stared at the heavy drunk man and after some minutes of hesitation decided that Shunsui will be alright by himself and that Retsu was in more need of help, so Byakuya and Jyuushiro left him there. Once alone Shunsui started to once again ponder on the really useful advice Jyuushiro had gave him, well he did had female friends, maybe not as plenty as he will like to have but he did and they were rather pretty, well he wouldn't lose nothing if he tried that.
"Hello Shunsui" A sweet and musical voice greeted
The alluded captain looked up and saw Retsu closing the front shoji door, the captain of the fourth division elegantly and swiftly made her way to the table and sat in front of him, the woman sighed and lightly smiled at him, Shunsui mind started to process the advice Jyuushiro gave him before while he watched her, well Retsu had been his friend for a long time and she knew him fairly well and he knew her, Retsu knew his likings and he knew hers.
Well that was the perfect chance, Retsu was his friend and he was hers, she knew his likings and she knew his, they had a long friendship and had built a proper solid foundation, besides that Retsu was really beautiful, so that did it, in his alcohol fogged mind he decided that they were ready for the courting part.
In the other hand, Retsu was happy that she had been able to politely slip from Kiyone, that blond woman really liked to talk and is not like she minded but it had started to irritate her but being the polite woman she was, well she decided to hear to whatever she had to say and that had been her mistake, thanks to the gods her lieutenant and Kiyone's sister appeared and the blond attention fell to her sister. The gentle captain of the fourth division looked up at her friend, she lightly tilted her head to her right side when she noticed the rather flirting smile and look he was giving her, it unnerved her a bit and it reminded her of the first time they met and he had immediately started to flirt with her, when the look didn't left she decided to check the ground.
"What's up, Shunsui?" She smiled nervously and a bit disturbed.
The captain of the eight division tilted his sake bottle a bit and flashed his best coquettish smile and looked at her like if she was a goddess "How you doing?"
Retsu paled and her mouth went dry, had Shunsui just used his line to pick up girls? When she stared into his face she stayed without a doubt that he indeed had, a sweat drop appeared at the back of her head and she smiled more nervously when he moved a bit closer to her.
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Byakuya and Jyuushiro had just found Kiyone but she was happily talking with her oldersister and Retsu's lieutenant Isane Kotetsu, since Jyuushiro didn't wanted to be caught by her and have problems with Soi later on, he sent Byakuya to ask where Retsu was, which had been a bad idea cause Kotetsu started to babble about showing him the proper respect, in the end after many troubles and idiot babbling Kiyone finally told Byakuya that Retsu had politely excused and left to who knows where.
"Maybe she's with Sajin, you know that they had been friends for a long time as well" Jyuushiro commented when he saw the rather angry expression on his friend face.
"That could be, but Sajin is not here" Byakuya stated a bit coldly and frowned "Another idea"
"Well if you're so smart, where do you think she is?" The silver haired man asked a bit angry.
"I don't know, that's why I'm asking you" Byakuya answered
"Well I don't have the most remote idea" Jyuushiro lazily leaned against one of the aisle walls and looked at him "In other circumstances we will find her with Aizen"
Byakuya coldly and heatedly glared at him "Don't you ever mention that name in front of me again!"
"Ara, Ara, it seems that you still held a grudge against him and not only because he betrayed Soul Society but also because he was attracted to Retsu" A light chuckle escaped Jyuushiro when Byakuya's glare intensified "Even though it was only one-sided attraction you were so irritated when you saw them together and it took you that to realize that you…"
"Enough" Byakuya angrily stopped what he was saying and spun around "We should look for Retsu"
"Those were crazy times you even let a hollow attack you so she could attend you and you could use that chance to…" Jyuushiro's words died on his mouth when he saw the intense cold and hating glare in the grey orbs "Let's go look for her then"
"For Kami's Sake!" A rather familiar voice yelped in surprise.
Jyuushiro cocked an eyebrow "Was that Retsu?"
"Yes, it was her" Byakuya simply answered "It came from…"
Both men widened their eyes open and quickly moved to the room they had left Shunsui a few minutes ago, Jyuushiro slid the shoji open, a sweat drop appeared in the back of his head while a cold frown appeared on Byakuya's face. Shunsui was face first on the floor with part of his body on the wooden table while Retsu was away from him almost sited in the engawa with her knees raised, her hands on the engawa and a shook of sudden surprise and confusion on her violet eyes. All seemed to indicate that Shunsui had launched towards Retsu and she had quickly moved backwards.
"Ouch" Shunsui moved to move off the table to sited on the spot Retsu had been before and rubbed his nose "That hurts"
"What the hell is happening here?" Byakuya quickly and silently moved to stand besides Retsu, she looked at him a bit surprised and he simply extended a hand at her "Are you alright?"
"Yes, I am" She took his hand and he helped her up, her violet eyes then moved to Jyuushiro "Hello"
"Hey there Retsu" The thirteen captain greeted his long time friend and slid the shoji closed "How have you been?"
"She has been fine" Byakuya answered instead of her, his grey eyes moved from Retsu to Shunsui to her again "What happened?"
"You see, Shunsui here thought that he should share his sake with me but I politely denied he insisted and he well moved closer to me to give me a sip" Retsu quickly lied not feeling really good about it but she couldn't well tell what had really happened "But he slipped and since I didn't wanted him to fell over me I moved away"
Byakuya stared into her violet eyes and tried to see if she was lying "Fine, I'll trust your words" Mutely he let go of her hand and walked into the engawa.
"Well Shunsui you'll never learn your lesson" Jyuushiro said a bit exasperated, the captain of the eight division had tried to make Retsu drink sake again without any success "You won't get no one else to be as addicted to sake like you and…"
"Oi, kawaii Retsu-chan!" The drunken voice of Shunsui exclaimed "You're so kind with me"
"What the…?" Retsu exclaimed
Jyuushiro eyes widen open "For Kami's sake!"
Rather slowly Byakuya turned around, it would have been better if he didn't, and a very hateful and angry expression came to his face. Jyuushiro had an expression of pure shock as well, Shunsui apparently had once again launched towards Retsu again, the captain of the eight division was in his knees, his arms wrapped around her waist and his face was nestled a bit on her stomach, Retsu was in total shock as well and her body tensed when he started to rub his cheek on her stomach.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Jyuushiro was the first one to react to the shock "Shunsui!"
Shunsui stopped and smiled "I'm courting"
"WHAT?" The other three exclaimed
"Yes, I'm following your advice" Shunsui stood up quickly to fully embrace Retsu "You smell good"
In a blink Byakuya was in front of Jyuushiro holding him from the neck of his hakama "What the hell does he means?"
"You see I told him that instead of following Nanao around and bother her, well he should start to know her become friends and built a proper foundation for a relationship" Jyuushiro answered rather softly and sighed in relief when Byakuya let go of him "Apparently he understood my advice wrongly and he might believe that he should start something with one of his existing female friends"
"Oh My God!" Retsu angrily exclaimed and quickly disentangled from his embrace to move away causing Byakuya and Jyuushiro to look at her "Don't you do that!"
"But Retsu-chan" Shunsui said a bit stupidly and walked a bit closer to her "What's wrong with giving me a small tiny little kiss?"
Byakuya felt more anger boiling in his system "You tried to kiss her?"
"Aa is not improper to kiss your future girl" Shunsui stood besides her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders "Especially someone as cute as Retsu-chan"
"Shunsui, I think it will be wiser of you let Retsu go" Jyuushiro tried to reason with his heavy drunk friend when he saw that Byakuya was close to lose his patient 'If he doesn't let go of her now Byakuya will kill him'
"You think so" Shunsui replied and his arm suddenly moved down her back and gripped her ass "Nice"
"You Pervert!" Retsu quickly moved away and slapped him "Keep your hands to yourself"
That broke the dam of Byakuya's patience "That did it!"
Soi knew she was late but duty has called her and so she had to go kick some hollows arses, she just hoped that Jyuushiro hadn't been trapped by Kiyone, sometimes she wondered why she didn't gave that woman a piece of her mind after all she was treating with her man anyway she had decided that if this time she was with him well she'll have to kick her ass as well.
The dark haired woman was only a few steps away from the usual room they used to reunite when the shoji door slid open and she saw a real enraged Byakuya coming out and possessively clasping the hand of a stressful looking Retsu, both captains walked past her and got lost in the corner, well that had been rather odd, shrugging her shoulders she walked to the room and a huge sweat drop appeared on the back of her head when she saw Shunsui unconscious in the wooden floor, mutely her coal hued orbs gazed at Jyuushiro that was simply sighing.
"Jyuu-kun, what happened here?" Soi dared to ask
"Shunsui tried to start something with Retsu" He simply answered
"Did he?" She shook her head in annoyance and walked closer to her lover "Was he heavily drunk again?"
"Yes, he was" Silently he wrapped his arms around her shoulders "It seems that he forgot Byakuya and Retsu have a relationship now"
"How could he? They had been together for a long while, ne?" She asked and smiled when he nodded "Anyway, do you want to go have a walk with me?"
Jyuushiro smiled down at her "Sure, let's go"
Silently they left the room and Jyuushiro closed the door behind them, well at least he was sure that Shunsui was going to be alright by himself, after Byakuya jealous version left him unconscious, and he could enjoy more time with Soi. Maybe when Shunsui woke up he could really explain him what his advice had meant, right now he will leave it that way.
Owari.
Well here was the second drabble, maybe it had them really out of character but hey this is fiction and we can do that yet I hope you had liked this in the end(Plus I wanted to see Byakuya jealous for once), please review and wait for the next one.
Once again flames aren't accepted if you want to flame don't bother to got to the review button, constructive criticism is welcome, there's a lot of difference between those. Wait for my next drabble.
If you want to see Jyuushiro with Nemu as well let me know.
See you next time and don't forget to always see the bright side of life and find joy in the small things it has to offer.
