Student b(Odd)y
I'm not a complete idiot – some parts are missing.
~
Everything was warm, or soft, or both. I was floating, and cocooned, and wave-borne, in serene sequence; all gentleness, all cosy comfort, were mine and always would be.
Knock-knock. "Guys?"
Jolting disruption and Shinji's voice. "Don't open the door!"
(Misato, amused.) "I won't, don't panic! Just letting you know I'm heading off."
"Uh—okay. H-have a good day!"
"You too, kiddo. And Kaworu as well. Byyyye!"
Blearily I opened my eyes and tried to mumble a response, but as my face was now pressed into the pillow (instead of Shinji's shoulder as it had been before my rude awakening), it was inaudible.
Next to me, semi-visible beyond obstructive cushionery, Shinji removed his other headphone and set his music player on the bedside table. He caught my eye, and his face flushed. "Sorry about that."
His alarm confused me (we were both wearing pyjamas – decency would not have been compromised even if Misato had entered the room), but I waved a conciliatory gesture, my vocal response overtaken by a yawn. I sluggishly raised myself to one elbow. "Good morning. Have you been awake long?"
Shinji's eyes on me were indescribably soft. "A little while. You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to disturb you."
Since my arrival at his and Misato's home the previous night, Shinji had barely let me beyond arm's reach. Still rattled by the twisted trick played on him by my clone in Unit 11, he had maintained proximity and contact almost constantly throughout dinner, a movie, and while sleeping; I, naturally, was more than content to cooperate with this therapeutic method, both for his sake and my own enjoyment, as over the course of many hours his upset had slowly abated.
Now I leaned up to share with him a gentle kiss, void of yesterday's anxiety, but was distracted by a scrunching, shuffling sound. Beneath the bedroom door, several pieces of paper slid into view. "Misato?"
Shinji followed my gaze, and made a noise like "urk". He sprang from the bed and dashed over to grab the – pamphlets? one picturing a pair of linked Mars symbols – and stuff them into a cupboard drawer. "Okay! I get it! Geez…" – directed to the other side of the door.
"You promised, remember!" sang out Misato's voice, before her footsteps receded down the hall.
"Is everything all right?" I asked. "What were those?"
Shinji looked to be on the verge of curling into the foetal position. "…Last night, before you got here, Misato gave me … the Talk." Suffering radiated from his very being.
"'The' talk?" What was signified by the definite article and audible capitalisation?
"You know…"
"I do not," I apologised.
In a whisper: "The sex talk."
"Oh!"
"And I tried to tell her I know about that already, but she was saying it's different for two guys – and she'd gone to some community health clinic in New Shinjuku—" (the import of which escaped me, but Shinji seemed too caught up to be interrupted for an explanation) "—and they gave her these pamphlets with, like, safety info for – for doing stuff, and she tried to explain, and I've never been so embarrassed in my life!"
He was facing the opposite wall, fingers digging into his hair, and his blush had subsumed even the back of his neck. Fascinating.
"And she gave me the pamphlets and made me promise to read them, and pass them to you, and I said I would if she promised to never ever talk to me about anything like that ever again."
My self-control gave out, and I laughed.
"It's not funny!"
I crossed the room to embrace him. "Shinji, my heart, it really, truly is."
He grumbled, but allowed me to hold him close. "How am I supposed to look her in the eye now?"
"Unapologetically," I advised, "and with confidence that this person – your family – supports you and has your best interests at heart."
He made an aggrieved sound, and turned in my arms to bury his face in the crook of my neck, as his fingers dug into my shoulder blades. "You make it sound so simple, but I swear, even after everything with the Angels and Evas, that's the closest I've ever come to dying – from embarrassment."
I mused, "It does explain why you were shyer and more awkward than usual over dinner."
"Yeah … wait, what do you mean, 'usual'?"
I kissed his hair, then his cheek, and didn't answer.
"Kaworu—" very disapprovingly, "you're trying to distract me."
"Is it working?" against the shell of his ear.
He shivered. "…Yes."
But even as he lifted his face towards mine, eyes half-lidded, the doorbell buzzed.
"Rei is here!" I said happily, and stepped away to go and welcome her.
Behind me Shinji's voice was hollow. "Oh … great…"
But by the time we all converged in the kitchen he had recovered his good mood, and contentedly cooked breakfast as I brewed tea and set up my laptop on the kitchen table.
"What was your reason for calling me here before school, Nagisa?" Rei asked, as she distributed cutlery to the place settings.
"Espionage," I replied, and her eyebrows ascended fractionally.
I sensed rather than saw Shinji roll his eyes. "Kaji's been a bad influence on you."
"The pot is calling the kettle black," I recited – an idiom I had recently learnt and was enjoying utilising.
"I didn't really have a choice," he pointed out. "He just kept dragging me into stuff…"
"As Keel Lorenz dragged me," I said. "At least your enabler has a pleasant personality."
"The Commander used to call Chairman Lorenz a 'Nietzsche postulant'," Rei spoke up, and Shinji spluttered, "Yeah, like he could talk."
"Pot, kettle," I repeated. But mostly I was observing the look shared by Rei and Shinji – a mutual seeming surprise at referring to the deceased Gendo Ikari with mundanity, even casualness, and without either of them becoming consumed by grief or anger.
Another idiom: Time heals all wounds.
A beep from my computer interrupted my train of thought. "Oh! It's starting."
"What is?" asked Rei, and I shifted the laptop so she could see the screen.
"The live transcript from the presentation by NERV Engineering Section One to the Command and Operations divisions." Lines of text unrolled between us. "Relating the results of their environmental analysis after the battle with Unit 11."
"Do you have clearance for this?"
"Of course not," Shinji chuckled. "That's why he called it espionage."
"We are the ones on the front lines," I said, with as serious an expression as I could muster for her. "When Unit 11 attacked – or any of the other Evangelions – we were in direct, immediate danger. Against the other Angels, as well, you pilots were at the greatest risk, despite the protection of your vessels. You deserve – we deserve – to know what is going on."
Rei nodded. "Also, you are a busybody, Nagisa."
"That too," I agreed, and Shinji laughed.
Rei's expression was warm, and profoundly endearing. "Thank you for including me."
"Always," I said, and firmly repressed within me the regular spark of interest from Adam's remnant consciousness (it had been becoming more frequent of late, since Matsushiro…). - She is not your rival, - I reminded my parent. - She is her own person and will forge her own destiny. You and I have no say in her choices, nor should we. -
There was a flicker in Rei's regard of me, a twitch in her fingers, and I wondered if Lilith's foundation in her was again manifesting as a pressuring voice the way it had that day in the pool. I hoped it was not; Rei had spent too much of her life subject to the will of others, without her progenitor adding to the burden.
Shinji broke into our shared moment. "What are they saying?"
I looked back at the screen, and was a moment refocusing. "They … have confirmed that the pilots of every active Evangelion were drawn into a shared hallucination, regardless of physical distance."
"Well we knew that," Shinji huffed, and smoothly deposited an omelette-fried eggplant onto each of our plates. "Have they figured out how?"
"Not as such," I reported. "However, they have recorded spectroscopic readings from the fragments of Unit 11's knife that…" I had to blink and re-read the text, certain I had misinterpreted.
"That what? Kaworu?"
But it was Rei who answered him. "The readings are reminiscent of the Lance of Longinus."
"Huh? The thing you used to kill that Angel?"
"Arael," I said absently. "Their name was Arael, of Birds." I felt his eyes and Rei's upon me, and shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Long before returning to this planet, my sibling had feared the power of the Lance – as had we all, and for good reason.
I returned my attention to our ill-gotten data. "They are saying that although the readings are mostly concentrated in the remains of the weapon, similar signatures have been observed throughout the biological detritus of the Evangelion itself."
"Is that strange?" Shinji asked. "Unit 11 disintegrated, so wouldn't it be messed-up anyway?"
"That is a good point," I said. "—So good that the transcript has Misato asking it also."
He grinned. "That's cool. Misato's a disaster, but she's really smart with tactics and stuff."
"A 'disaster'?" I echoed. "Hm, I wonder how pleased she would be with that description? Perhaps she ought to be informed that it had been used for her."
Shinji snorted. "Don't try and blackmail me, I've said worse to her face about a hundred times."
I laughed, partly at his admission and partly at Rei's staccato blinking – by her standards, an expression of deep shock. "I will bear that in mind. And for the record, Lieutenant Aoba has said that the team accounted for that in their analysis."
Rei was now frowning at the screen as it filled with text. "It seems that something in Unit 11's metaphysical composition enabled it to extrapolate the penetration of its own AT field to others of its own kind – that it could enforce resonance with its peers."
"The Lance of Longinus was held at Bethany Arctic base for a time, before being transferred to Tokyo-3," I noted. "Perhaps they were able to take some samples and integrate them into Unit 11's construction? It would explain why it was resilient to damage of its physical form, but not its avatar."
"Because the Lance could go through AT fields?" Shinji interpreted. "I'd thought only prog knives could do that. But I guess they'd always be trying to find different ways to beat the Angels. –Only now they're using them against other Evas, and humans, instead."
I gave him an amused look. "'Instead'? Shinji…"
"—Ah! Uh, right – I didn't mean…"
"…I don't quite know how to tell you this…"
"Oh, very funny."
"…But there is something you should know…"
"Shut up," he grinned.
"This may come as a shock—mrmf!" A forkful of food stifled further speech, and Shinji's following hand over my mouth compelled me to chew.
"Eat your breakfast," he ordered, brimming with laughter, and against the affect of his luminous countenance I was helpless but to obey.
Rei had been watching our exchange with wide eyes, but seemed to be reminded of her own plate of food, and dutifully gathered and imbibed a serve. She drew in a breath of delight.
"This is very good," she said. "Thank you, Ikari."
"Oh, I'm glad you like it," he said. "Sorry that we called you over so early."
She shook her head. "Everything is agreeable."
"Yeah," he agreed softly, and the contentment in both their expressions warmed my heart. "Everything is pretty agreeable."
"C'mon, Shinji! Move your butt!"
"Huff – You're – hahh – heavier – huff – than you look…"
"You're just weak – no stamina! Disgraceful!"
"Urgh – you're like half my weight again! Kaworu, Kensuke, help!"
"My hands are full," I protested, brandishing Toji's crutches to support my statement.
"And I reckon I've got a cold coming on," said Kensuke. "Can't risk my health with over-exertion, y'know!"
Shinji groaned, either with fatigue or frustration, and as he at last reached the top of the stairs deposited Toji carefully – but with obvious relief – on his own feet, before collapsing against the wall. "You're all the worst."
"Thanks Shin'!" said Toji cheerfully, and clapped him on the shoulder, making him stagger. "You're a bro. Thanks, guys," as he accepted his crutches from me and backpack from Kensuke. The passing crowds of other students diverted around us considerately; a few greeted Toji, welcoming him back to school for the first time in months.
Shinji was hunched over, hands on knees, as he caught his breath. "The … other end … of this wing … has an … escalator."
"Yeah, but this's more efficient," said Toji. Kensuke and I nodded.
"For who?" The redness on his face could have been exertion, or anger.
"Hey, check this move!" Suddenly Toji launched himself to the middle of the hall, landing flat on his back. The three of us started in shock, but he waved us back. "Ohh, my leg … the phantom pains…"
He tilted his head back and a leer shadowed his face. "Oh, poor me…" –as his eyeline reached under the skirt of a passing female student. "I'm seein' red…"
Her shoe slammed into the floor beside his head with a deafening thud. "Toji Suzuhara! You absolute schweinhund!"
"Sugimoto!" I gasped.
"Oh shit!" Toji blurted.
Kensuke grabbed Toji and hauled him upright, and above perversion-altitude. "Sorry, Sugimoto!"
"Don't hurt me!" begged Toji.
Sugimoto scowled at him. "You're too pathetic to punish properly, but I'm sure I'll think of something. Maybe Hikari would like to know what horrible things her boyfriend gets up to in her absence?"
"…urk…"
"Please allow me to apologise for Toji's reprehensible conduct," I stepped in, and she fixed me with a raised eyebrow, though lacking perceptible aggression. Cautiously encouraged, I ventured, "May I assist you to your next class in recompense?"
Behind me Shinji was unnaturally still.
Sugimoto cast Toji a scornful look, before returning her gaze to me. "Your apology is acceptable," and held out her schoolbag. I took it with a bow, and we set off.
The regular chaos of teenagers en masse buffeted our progress through the hallways; conversations of every degree of drama, games and shenanigans, all contributing to the tumult.
Sugimoto cast me a corner-eye glance. "You realise you'll be late to your next class."
I shrugged. "I have been late before, and am yet alive to tell the tale."
She snorted. "So histrionic." A pause as a pair of giggling girls dashed across her path. "Speaking of 'alive', though – Asuka said you guys all fought an Eva the other day?"
I nodded. "Yes, the battle linked our units with hers even in Germany – we are unsure how."
"Sounds scary," she said. "But you're all okay, right?"
"We were all unhurt. Thank you for your concern, Yuko."
She flinched slightly, and I worried that I had perhaps forfeited my right to use her given name, and ought to revert to the family name only. But she continued before I could enquire: "She also said that you were … taken … with someone, but she didn't say who."
I stumbled. "Um."
Suddenly she stopped and turned, and we were face-to-face; I held her bag between us, and realised I was clutching it so that my knuckles turned white.
"I'm not the jealous type," she began, a flush building in her cheeks, "and I don't have time for bitterness. If you're happy with someone that's great, I'm pleased for you. Honest. Just…" Her eyes fixed on mine, flint and mahogany and yet vulnerable. "Just don't lie to me, okay? You can spare me that much. Is it Ayanami, like I thought?"
I shook my head.
"Who, then?"
"I would not choose to deceive you," I said, haltingly. "If it were only my secret I would share it, and gladly. But this affects not just me – the other person has not consented, and may experience certain consequences as a result of my disclosure. I do not have the right to cause that."
All at once she stiffened. "—Oh. I'm an idiot."
"What? Of course not, why would—"
"It's Ikari."
Now it was my turn to stiffen. "Yuko – you – why would you—"
She laughed mirthlessly. "Oh my god, way to go, Yuko! What a cliché!"
Fearfully I looked around, but at some point we had left the crowds of students behind, and were alone under a sheltered pathway.
Sugimoto had leant her forehead against a supporting pole, and now knocked it with a clang. "Crushing on a gay guy, well done me."
"Please," I said, hand extended but hesitant in the space between us. "Please, we are trying to keep this low down."
"You mean 'on the down-low'," she said drily.
"Um. Yes, that."
She regarded me darkly for a long moment, then smirked. "Well, congrats."
I blinked in surprise. "For?"
"For managing to somehow convince Asuka Langley Soryu to keep a lid on something."
A laugh broke out of me. "Ah, yes, quite an accomplishment, if I do say so myself."
"You could have told me, though!" Sugimoto burst out. "Obviously I don't have a problem with it – you know I live with my aunts."
What was the significance of that? "Y…yes?"
She gave me a deeply unimpressed look. "Dude. They're not sisters."
…And it was my turn to feel like an idiot. "Oh!"
Sugimoto snickered. "Maybe Asuka's right, you are a dummkopf."
"Quite possibly," I admitted, mirroring her smile. There was a moment of friendly silence between us, before she spun in place and resumed walking.
"Come on, I don't want to be late for class even if you don't care."
"Roger that, boss," I said, and she rolled her eyes tolerantly.
"Do the other guys know? Suzuhara and Aida?" she asked.
"Yes, they found out recently."
"And they're cool with it? They better be, or I'll kick their asses."
"Hah, yes – they seemed to categorise it as Shinji and I being 'weirdos', as usual. Thank you for your willingness to commit violence on my behalf."
She shrugged. "Against those guys it's not much of a stretch."
"Still, I appreciate it."
We had reached 2-B's classroom for the upcoming period – through the window I caught Toriyama's eye, and we exchanged a wave.
"No worries," said Sugimoto, and took her bag back from me. "If you ever need a beard, and Ayanami's not up for it, give me a shout."
I felt my brow furrow. "Beard?" One hand went to my jawline. "I am only fifteen…"
She laughed, and slid the door open. "Cute but clueless – alas for me. See you later, Kaworu." Apparently, no explanation would be given
"'Bye, Yuko," I replied. "It was good to talk with you."
"Same." With a flickering wave, and a genuine smile, she entered the room just as the bell rang.
I put my hands in my pockets and strolled unhurriedly across the campus to class 2-A's own location for that period, in the science wing.
As I entered our designated room the teacher looked up and frowned severely. "Nagisa, you're five minutes late."
"Only five? My apologies – I will do better next time." Interpret that as you will.
"You will stay after class to make up for it," she scolded.
"Understood," I said, and went to join my friends at the bench they were occupying.
Unexpectedly Toji and Kensuke were also scowling at me, while Shinji was tensely buried in his textbook.
"What was that about?" Toji hissed as I took my seat. "Disappearin' wit' Sugimoto like that!"
"Yeah – with your history," Kensuke agreed. "Not a good look, dude."
"What do you mean?" I asked, perplexed.
The teacher, drawing diagrams on the board, turned around and shushed us with a finger to her lips, but as soon as she turned back they each took hold of one of my arms.
"If you cheat on Ikari," Kensuke whispered venomously—
"—Yer ass is grass," Toji finished, and although I was not familiar with the idiom its meaning was evident.
"Nothing like that!" I protested. "I was attempting to atone for Toji's behaviour – I would never—"
"Nagisa!" shouted the teacher. "Enough of your disruptions! If I have to speak to you once more that'll be a detention!"
"Yes, teacher," I said, and waited until her attention was elsewhere before leaning across Toji to whisper to Shinji. "I never even thought of anything like that – I am so sorry to have upset you. I will try to consider the impact of my behaviour in future."
He gave me a strained smile and shook his head, mouthing, "It's alright."
"I mean it," I said, but was interrupted by a heavy book slamming onto the desk right in front of me, and almost fell out of my chair.
"Detention!" barked the teacher, as the classroom rippled with laughter at my discombobulation. "You'll be cleaning Schott bottles all evening!"
"Yes, teacher," I sighed, but muttered to myself, "An opportunity to study subtlety," as she stomped back to the front of the room.
"Serves you right," snickered Toji, and Kensuke nodded, his expression satisfied.
As the teacher read aloud our lesson instructions and we opened our books, a piece of folded notepaper appeared on the page before me.
Sorry you got in trouble. I'll wait for you after the detention.
My face softened into the fondest smile and I picked up my own pen. We have tests at NERV after school. I don't want you to get in trouble either.
On reading my response, Shinji caught my eye and shrugged dismissively, and I grinned at his unconcern. Perhaps I was being a 'bad influence' myself, but I could not begin to regret it.
More hearteningly, I realised that I could even find a silver living to my error of boyfriend-conduct – the fact that such relative triviality could even register to Shinji's mood was evidence that his trauma in the recent battle was no longer fixating his mind. The ordeals of an Evangelion pilot were not the entirety of his experienced life.
A bittersweet smile twisted my mouth. In a better world, we would have no larger concerns than these.
Perhaps, one day, we might live to see that world.
