Disclaimer: I don't own Jimmy Neutron.

May 4, 2006

Dear Diary,

It's been a rough couple of days. I told Jimmy about what happened the other night at home, and we ended up getting into a huge fight. He now thinks that I've been using him for the past year…that this is a ploy by my mother to get into his brain and figure out how he ticks so that I can become better than him. I'm not that person anymore! I only pretended to hate him when I was younger because I liked him… I've always wanted to be with Jimmy!

I was crying at my locker when Jimmy found me. We went some place where we could be alone, and when he asked me what was wrong, I told him I was worried of what his reaction would be. Jimmy wrapped his arms around me, promising me that he wouldn't be upset. Then again, you don't want to tell Jimmy any kind of bad news, be it life-threatening or otherwise, when he's in a 'good mood'.

"I care about you, Cin. Please don't cry." He said. "When have I ever become angry with you over something bad?"

"Just a few hundred times…"

And then he smiled that smile he only saved for me and gave me a squeeze, as if I was joking. It was true though—he could become angry very easily at times.

He kept telling me all these sweet and caring things while he was holding me…and I fell for every single one of them because I was hoping he'd maybe, possibly, take my side on the issue. Usually if I just got grounded or something he'd brush it off, but something as serious as not being able to see him—that was a different story.

Out ofall my weaknesses, he used the one that would practically surrender me to his command each and every time. "Just tell me what's wrong," he whispered in a low voice as he leaned to kiss me, "I won't get upset… I promise."

He gave me a kiss only a god could bestow. All those kissing books I noticed him reading a few years ago most definitely paid off. For a thirteen year old, Jimmy was the best kisser EVER.

But the question still looms over me like a dark rain cloud: Why did I believe him! He's said that before, and I've never really believed him until that moment. And if he hadn't kissed me I wouldn't have succumbed to telling him the incident at home that started the argument between us in the first place!

But then again, the whole argument was stupid. After I told Jimmy about the situation, he just blew up at me—literally. When I told him my mother was forcing us to break up, he started with the accusations. I defended myself with all the facts placed before him, but no matter how hard I tried, Neutron believed and still believes that I was taking advantage of him. I did my best to calm Jimmy down—I tried to rationalize the circumstances with him. He wouldn't listen. He started asking me if I really wanted to spend more time with him or if I was just making it up, and before he would even let me answer he was all like, "I didn't think so," and just angrily turned away from me.

Then I told him that the neighbors didn't approve of us dating, which only annoyed him even further. He started shooting off at me!

"Well, Vortex, if your mom and the whole town is ashamed of you dating me, then why do you spend so much time around me!"

As if he didn't know—he was the one that asked me out two years ago. He was the one that told me last year he wanted to become more than my friend. He was the one who nearly confessed his love to me. And furthermore, he was the one who gave me my first kiss! Jimmy initiated all of these acts—not me! Why? Maybe because I was nervous, or scared…maybe that was it. I don't know! All I know is that Jimmy was the one that wanted to be with me, and neither of us cared what anyone thought—we just wanted to be happy.

It got to a point to where I didn't want to quarrel with him anymore. My heart was already breaking as he continued to yell at me about our relationship. If he asked me a yes no question dealing with whether or not I cared for him, liked him, took advantage of him, etc, I wouldn't even bother answering. I just let the river full of tears that were locked inside of my eyes leak out, only this time, Jimmy didn't care. He thought I was faking it.

Jimmy broke up with me. He doesn't want to see or talk to me, much less give me the time of day. He had to tell me he hated me as he stormed off…the icing on the cake. The one word that used to make me spit fire two years ago emotionally destroyed me now. I slinked down onto the floor and balled for at least a half hour until my best friend Libby saw me.

I told her everything that happened, and she did what she could to console me. She's extremely upset that Jimmy would act this way…we both know he hates my mother. Who wouldn't? She only associates with the wealthiest of movers and shakers and wants me to do the same, because 'brainpower is important, but knowing the right kinds of people will get you further in life.' But even still, Jimmy would only blow up at me if it was a life or death situation, or I had accidentally messed with one of his inventions in his lab. He rarely ever blew up at me over parental issues, except for today, and one other time a few weeks ago. Even then, he didn't just break up with me.

Something might be wrong, but nothing matters at all anymore. Jimmy's seriously ruined things between us…and it will take awhile for him to gain my trust and my love back, unless he were to do something that would be grovel-worthy. Libby had a talk with him the next day, but it didn't really do much good. She ended up calling him a jerk and punching him in the gut when he wouldn't listen to her.

I feel like I just want to end my life—what's the point of living when you have a mother and the only boy of your dreams hate your guts just because you exist?

I have a way of pretending to make myself sick—I rarely ever use it, but I just KNOW I will tomorrow. I can't face Jimmy at school tomorrow. I don't want to.