My dad didn't say much. He still seemed to be in his own private world, as he absently stroked my hair—a habit of his whenever I was around. I once asked him why and he laughed and told me it was because he never had hair of his own. He also said that it always calmed me down when I was small and helped to lull me to sleep. Yeah I could believe that because I started to drift off in response to the soothing caress….

I floated high and as I looked down I could see myself as a baby sitting on the living room floor of our house playing. My parents were nowhere to be seen, but I could certainly hear them. Loud arguing was coming from a few rooms over. My younger self was not bothered by the racket, but I was curious as to what they were arguing about.

"No, Taki," my dad said. "I can't do this shit anymore."

"You can and you will," my mom argued. "What are you worried about? Your honor?" She laughed and seemed to be mocking him.

I heard a slam and then my dad growl. "I should kill you."

"But you won't. Where will you go? Your family won't have you and with Ren slowing you down, you won't hide from the Foot forever. Unless you plan on leaving Ren?"

"Taki, just let me take him and go. I'll do this last mission for you and then we'll be out of your life. What is Ren to you, except leverage over me?" He seemed calmer now and more reasonable.

"Well, what is to you Leo?" Again my mother's mocking voice asked. "Except a constant reminder of your betrayal to your sensei? And a constant symbol of your lost honor? And don't even think of taking him. That would break the truce you made with the Foot and your family would not survive our retaliations. I hear your sensei is getting weaker."

I couldn't hear my dad's answer, but seconds later he came into the living room and picked me up off the floor. "I have to go away for a couple days, Ren, on some business…"

The image started to fade until I couldn't see or hear him anymore……

I opened my eyes and looked around seeing that I was still on the train. My father was no longer near me, but I could still hear his voice in my dream. A dream? I wondered. Or a memory? And then I realized that it wasn't the dream I was still hearing, but was really him.

In the corner, Raphael, Uncle Mike and my dad stood talking. Since they hadn't noticed I was awake, they were making no effort to keep me from hearing them.

"You have to tell him something," Michaelangelo said. "He's a smart kid and he'll figure it out on his own."

My dad sighed. "Yeah I know, Mike. I'm just not sure how to explain everything yet. I've wanted to do this for so long, but I was trapped. I wouldn't know where to start explaining."

Raphael grinned. "Why don't you start with 'your mom's a whore' and work your way from there?"

Mike glared at him and then turned back to my dad with a small smile. "Leo, why didn't you call us? We would have helped. You should have known we would protect you and Ren."

Deciding to ignore Raphael's comment, Leo shook his head. "It wouldn't have been right, Mike. It was my own stubbornness that got me into this. You all tried to warn me, but I played right into Taki's hands. Splinter was so disappointed. I don't know how I'm going to face him after all this time."

No one answered for a moment and then Raphael replied. "You'll face him because you have to. Because you owe it to him and it's your duty. The brother I remember never backed away from his duty."

I looked up at that comment shocked. Raphael actually sounded sincere. I waited to hear what my dad would say.

"So, I'm your brother again, am I?" my dad asked with a light tone.

"You were always our brother, Leo," Mike said.

"Even if you forgot for awhile, " Raph added. "Now wake up your brat. The train's stopping and April's going to meet us to take us to Mike's apartment."

"And to Splinter," my dad said softly. And if I wasn't mistaken there was a touch of fear in his voice.

As my dad and his brothers went to gather their things to prepare for our arrival, I closed my eyes and thought about what I heard. For the first time in my nine years of life, I realized that my dad didn't love my mom. And unless I missed my guess, he pretty much hated her although I couldn't figure out why. He played into her hands, I thought. What could that mean?

"Leo," I heard Uncle Mike begin hesitantly, breaking into my thoughts. "I always wondered…after you found out about Taki…why did you still leave?"

There was silence for a moment and then Raphael said, "Mike, drop it." I was surprised to hear some sympathy in his voice.

"No, no, it's ok, Raph," my dad said. "I..uh…I didn't have much of a choice, Mike…."

I listened to my father's story and it became clear why seeing Splinter had him so scared.

Leonardo walked hesitantly into the lair. He had been watching for a couple days now and purposely waited until his brothers had left for awhile. He needed to talk to Splinter alone. It had been more than two months since he had seen him and the memory of their last conversation made him wince.

Why didn't I listen to him? He had been right all along

Leo headed towards his sensei's room and before he could even knock on the closed door, Splinter's voice called, "Come in, Leonardo."

He opened the door cautiously.

"Come in, Leonardo," Splinter repeated more forcefully. His normally unreadable face, was still the mixture of anger and disappointment Leonardo remembered from two months before.

Leo swallowed the lump in his throat and made his way over to kneel before his master. He touched his head to the floor. "I am in terrible trouble, Master."

Splinter said nothing and Leonardo was afraid to look up. "You were right about Taki. She has trapped me."

Still Splinter said nothing and Leo was beginning to wish he would at least yell at him or something. Desperately, he said, "Master, I know I was disrespectful to you…I was horrid to you, but please, I need your help."

Splinter finally spoke, but his voice had a slight edge to it. "What would you have me do, Leonardo?"

Leonardo raised his head from the floor, but kept his eyes on the ground. He couldn't bring himself to admit how The Foot had trapped him. To explain his own sinful lust to his master was more humiliation than Leo could bear. His voice dropped to a whisper. "They have forced me…to work for them, Sensei."

Splinter leaned forward intently. "What sort of work, Leonardo?"

Leo shook his head. "I can't…Master, please don't ask…"

"What sort of work, Leonardo?" Splinter demanded sternly.

If Splinter's hearing had not been so acute, he would never have heard Leo's shameful reply. "Assassinations mostly. A couple of robberies." Leo looked up with tears in his eyes and for the first time in his life saw that Splinter was ashamed of him. "I'm so sorry, Master. I never meant to use what you taught me for such things."

Splinter closed his eyes as if looking at his son were too painful for him. "I ask again, Leonardo, what would you have me do? If you are truly remorseful, than refuse what they order you to do."

Leonardo looked back at the floor. "I can't…" The tears fell from his eyes.

"What is it that binds you to them, Leonardo?" Splinter asked with a spark of anger. "Pride? Love?" He paused for a moment. "Or lust?"

Leonardo drew in a quick breath. Coming here had been a mistake. Splinter would not help a son who had no honor. And Splinter's words told Leo just how much his sensei thought of him now. He dropped his head to the floor once more. "Gomen nasai, Sensei." He stood and turned to leave.

"Leonardo, " Splinter's voice called him back.

Leo turned and for the briefest of moments, he thought Splinter would forgive him and tell him everything would be alright.

"You have made your choice and now you must live with it."

Leonardo bit his lips until they bled. He wanted to die, for the earth to swallow him right where he stood. He couldn't reply---all he could do was nod. He had made his choice.

But Splinter's next words nearly drove Leo to the point of insanity. "Leave your katana, Leonardo," Splinter ordered. "You will not use my gift to you for such dishonorable deeds."

Leonardo looked up in horror. Leave his katana? Splinter couldn't be serious. But one look into Splinter's hardened face told Leo that he was very serious. With shaking hands, he unsheathed the katana and placed them on the floor in front of his master. It took all his will, to not just run himself through with the sword and be done with it. Only thoughts of his unborn child stayed his hand, and how the Foot would be sure to kill him if Leo never returned. With a sob, Leonardo turned and fled his master's chamber for the last time.

(End Leo's narrative)

During the telling of his story, my father had sat down against a wall. Obviously, time had not taken away the pain that last encounter caused him. Uncle Mike sat beside him to offer him some comfort. "You should have told him about the baby, Leo. He would have at leastunderstood why."

I realized that I now had more pieces to my puzzle. But having the pieces didn't necessarily mean I knew where they went.

"Stop pretending you're asleep, Miren."

I opened my eyes to see Raphael looking down at me with a smirk on his face.

"My name is Ren," I told him angrily. "And I wasn't pretending to be asleep. I was…"

"Eavesdropping," Raphael said. "Your dad really hasn't taught you any manners." He kicked me lightly on the leg. "Get up. We're leaving soon."

I didn't like Raphael ordering me around. In fact, I hated it. So I stubbornly refused to move.

Raphael snarled and dropped down beside me. "I have dealt with worse than a bratty nine year old. Like it or not, I'm in charge around here and you will listen to me or I will kick your scrawny ass into next week."

My eyes widened in fear and I glanced over at my father to see if he heard what was going on. But my dad was still talking to Uncle Mike and he was completely oblivious to anything else.

Frustrated, Raphael grabbed me by the shirt and lifted me into a sitting position. "Are you really that selfish and spoiled? Your father is in a personal hell right now and he doesn't need your attitude making things worse." He smiled at me. "And until your father remembers who he is, I'm going to do what he should have done from the start." He stood up, still having me by the shirt and dragged me to my feet.

I glared at Raphael. Oh, how I hated him. I wished I had the guts enough to kick him again.

"From this moment, until I tell you different," Raphael began. "You will call me Sensei."

My eyes narrowed. "Sensei? Is that Japanese for bastard?" As long as my father wasn't listening, I figured I could get some shots in.

Raphael gritted his teeth. "I can't wait to get you in the training room and get rid of that attitude. You're going to find out exactly how things work in this family."

"I am not your family, Raphael!" I screamed finally drawing the attention of my uncle and father.

It was funny, I remember standing there and then the next thing I knew I was lying flat on my back with Raphael on top of me holding some sort of weapon at my throat.

"Raphael!" I heard my dad and Uncle Mike yell.

He ignored them. "Care to repeat that, Miren?"

I leaned back as far as I could from the blade and whispered. "I said, I am not your family….Sensei."

Raphael chuckled. "That's better."