I sank into one of the chairs in the kitchen and silently watched Michaelangelo bustle around for a few minutes. He walked over to me and slid a steaming cup my way before pulling up the chair next to me.

"Hot chocolate," he explained. "With whipped cream and marshmallows. It always cheers me up." He grinned and picked up his own mug in a salute before sipping it.

I smiled in spite of myself and returned the gesture. "Thanks. I could use cheering up, I guess."

"Hmm, yeah I can tell." He set the cup down and studied my face. "You did fine, Ren. You know, it was your first day of practice."

"Wish someone would tell Raphael that," I muttered glaring into my cup.

Before Uncle Mike could say anything to that, my father walked in. He sniffed the air and grinned at his brother. "Did you save me some by any chance?"

Michaelangelo chuckled and pointed towards the stove. "Help yourself, Bro."

Dad poured himself a cupful and brought it to the table. We all sat in silence for a few moments. "You kept practicing while you were away huh Leo?" Mike asked finally.

My dad sputtered into his cup and looked at Mike with a sarcastic laugh. "How can you even think that after my performance this morning?"

Mike swirled the chocolate around for a moment before replying. "Ok, so you didn't practice A LOT. But, you weren't 'I haven't practiced in ten years' rusty either."

Dad glanced at me and then looked back to Mike. "Yeah, well, I kept in reasonably good shape. I didn't need all the heavy training for..." He trailed off and stared down at the table. "But, yeah, I practiced when I could." He laughed a little. "Raphael was pretty determined to show just how rusty I was though."

I'm glad I wasn't the only one ticked off at Raphael right now. My dad didn't seem the least bit phased by having his butt kicked up one side of the room and down the other. At least he didn't at the time. Now, though, I could tell just how much it really irritated him.

Mike looked up at my father. "It was real hard, Leo. For Raph more than any of us. I think it was harder on him than Splinter."

I wondered what Michaelangelo was talking about, but my dad seemed to know. He looked away from his brother and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, Mike."

Uncle Mike continued as if my father hadn't even spoken. "He took off. Fora week right after you left, we didn't know where he was. Then one night, he walked in the door. Me and Donnie were sitting in the living room, but he just ignored us and went right to Splinter's room." Michaelangelo finished his drink in one gulp and set the mug down with a sigh. "About an hour later, he came out told me and Donnie to get our asses in the dojo and we practiced for the first time since you had gone. Was the longest four hours of my life."

Mike stood and took his cup to the sink. My father looked up to the ceiling with a sigh. "What can I do, Mike? I can't go back and change the past." He glanced at me. "And I wouldn't even if I could, so tell me Michaelangelo, what do I do?"

Michaelangelo kept his back to him. "I didn't tell you that to make you feel guilty, Leo. You don't seem to need any help in the department anyway. I just want you to realize that you're not the only one whose life spun out of control. And you're not the only one still trying to find where you fit in."

My dad didn't say anything to that. He just sipped as his drink quietly.

"Um.did I miss something?"

We all turned to Donatello who stood in the doorway with a worried expression. Mike smiled easily. "Only the hot chocolate. But I can make more if you want."

Don shook his head. "No, thanks." He looked down at me with a small smile. "Hey, Ren. Master Splinter is really anxious to talk to you. He wants to know how your first day of training went."

I stared at him for a minute. My first day of training had pretty much sucked. I hated it. I hated Raphael and I was on the verge of hating my father for getting me into this. "Tell him.." I began hesitantly. "It was ok."

Mike picked up my empty cup from the table. "You can tell him."

"No," I said quickly. Something about Splinter still didn't sit well with me and I really didn't want to talk to him. Especially about the hell I went through today at the hands of his son.

"Ren," my dad said quietly. "Go speak with your grandfather. Please."

I really wanted to tell my dad to go talk to him himself. But that would be a low blow since I knew that Splinter still wasn't speaking to him. I looked at my uncles, but neither one seemed to want to get involved in the conversation any more than they already had. Uncle Mike was rinsing the dishes and Donatello had walked over to start a pot of coffee. "Dad," I started. "I don't think."

He didn't let me finish. "Ren. He won't be around much longer. And..you will never get this chance again." He closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them I saw the plea. "Go. Talk to him."

I hesitated for another minute before getting up. "Alright," I sighed. "I just don't know what to say."

My father shook his head with a smile. "That's ok. He usually does."

I nodded not quite understanding. But I left the kitchen and headed for Splinter's room. I paused outside the closed door before knocking. Maybe he was asleep. Maybe Donatello lied and he really didn't want to see me. Maybe Raphael was in there.

"Come in, Ren." The hoarse voice startled me. The door was closed. How the heck did he know I was out here? Cursing silently, I opened the door. He was sitting up in bed. He looked somehow thinner than yesterday, if that was possible. And more tired. But his eyes still had the same strength in them and they locked on mine once again. I scratched my head nervously. "Donatello...I mean.Uncle Don said you wanted to see me."

He raised one hand beckoning me to come in. "Hai. Please, come in."

I walked in slowly. Remembering Raphael's lesson in the dojo, I bowed deeply. When I looked up Splinter was smiling. "Raphael informed me that you did quite well today," he said.

I blinked and I think my jaw hit the floor at that simple statement. "Raphael...said...?" I choked.

"I take it Raphael did not tell you this himself?" Again I was drawn to Splinter's eyes and they held an emotion I couldn't place. I sighed inwardly. I would never figure him out.

I shook my head. "No. He didn't say much. Just.told me what to do. And then yelled at me for doing it wrong."

Splinter nodded slowly. Whether in approval or just to acknowledge my statement I wasn't sure. He was about to say something when a coughing fit suddenly seized him. I blinked not quite sure what to do. I noticed a pitcher of water sitting on the nightstand and I quickly poured him a glass.

The coughing past and I handed the glass to him. He smiled slightly. "Arigato gozaimasu."

I frowned not understanding, but I figured he was thanking me. "You're welcome. I think."

He chuckled. "Leonardo did not teach you Japanese."

It wasn't a question. It was pretty obvious I hadn't a clue how to speak the language. But I shook my head in answer. "No. He didn't." I shrugged. "I've picked up some words lately. Chunin. Iie. Hai. What does Miren mean?" I startled myself with the sudden question. I knew it was a play on my name. And I pretty much realized it was an insult. But not until that moment did I wonder what the joke at my expense was.

Splinter looked at me almost as startled by the question. He hesitated. "Why do you ask?" He set the empty cup back on the stand and regarded me with an almost saddened look.

"It's just something...Raph...I mean...Sensei calls me."

Splinter frowned at that. "Are you certain?"

I nodded puzzled. What the hell was Raphael calling me? "He's been calling me that since I met him. I don't think he's ever called me just Ren."

Splinter looked down thoughtfully. He was quiet for so long that I started to get scared. What if I had somehow insulted him? Or worse, insulted Raphael? Finally Splinter broke the silence. "Tell me about your mother, Ren."

I looked at him. I wasn't about to demand that he answer my question first. But I didn't know how to answer his either. "What-what do you want to know?"

"Did she treat you well?" Splinter folded his hands on his lap looking a bit concerned, although for the life of me I couldn't figure out why.

"Yeh. I guess so." I shrugged trying to look like I didn't care. "She wasn't around all that much. Her or Dad always seemed off on business."

"Business."Splinter echoed quietly. His eyes clouded over and he looked very sad. I realized why with a force that knocked the wind from me. The business must've had something to do with my mom's clan. My dad had been trapped into working for them. I was pretty certain I didn't want to know what kind of work they did.

"Is that why you're not talking to my dad?" I asked softly. Where I ever got the nerve to ask the question, I don't know. But it seemed like one that he should have to answer. I mean, if I was going to stay here with them, I at least had a right to know why they hated my father.

Splinter hesitated again. He gazed at me and then shook his head. "It is not that simple, Ren."

"You're mad at him for having me."

Splinter looked up at me quickly. "No."

"Then why?" I pressed trying to figure out who invaded my body and gave me such courage. I knew that if I angered or upset Splinter everyone would be on my ass and I would be lucky to escape with my life.

"There are many things that you are not ready to hear, Ren," he told me quietly. "I will tell you that that the forgiveness your father is seeking is not mine to give."

Sounded like fortune cookie stuff to me but I didn't say so. "Is it Raphael's? I mean, how can he get anyone's forgiveness if you won't talk to him and everyone else is mean to him?"

"What your father has done eats away at his heart and soul." Splinter said slowly. "The knowledge of his actions will give him no peace for in his mind his honor has been shattered."

More fortune cookie stuff. I sighed and looked away. Couldn't anyone in this family ever give a straight answer?

Splinter cleared his throat breaking the uneasy silence that followed. "Did you enjoy your first day of training?"

I looked up at him and shrugged slightly. "Not really," I answered honestly.

Splinter's eyes narrowed in confusion. "Why is that?"

I begged myself not to say the first answer that came to mind. I bit my tongue, bit the inside of my cheek. I would have put both hands over my mouth if it wouldn't have been so obvious. Despite all that, I heard myself tell him, "There are things that you aren't ready to hear."

He blinked and stared at me in surprise until something drew his attention and he looked to the door. I didn't have to turn. I knew exactly who was there. I should have closed the door when I came in, but my idiotic self left it open. A hand fell on my shoulder and I looked up at Raphael.

Raphael bowed slightly. "Excuse us for a second, Master." He didn't wait for Splinter to respond, he just grabbed my arm and hauled me from the room. I didn't fight or struggle. I knew he was going to kill me and there was very little I could do about it. He opened the door to the room I had been using and pushed me inside letting go of my arm.

He closed the door and spun to me. "What the hell was that all about?"

There was nowhere to run. It was either stand and fight or go to my knees and beg for mercy. Neither option sounded appealing, but there was no way I was going to beg. "He didn't answer my questions. Why should I keep answering his?"

Raphael glared at me.

I sighed frustrated. "I am so sick of this. Don't ask questions. Don't speak unless spoken to. Respect. Honor. Clan. I don't know what I'm supposed to think or feel anymore."

Raphael rolled his eyes. "Enough of the drama, Kid." He motioned to the bed. "Sit down."

I studied him carefully. I had expected something else. Why wasn't he trying to kill me? I sat down slowly still keeping my eyes on him as he paced the room rubbing his head. "Look, how old are you? Nine?"

I nodded silently wondering what he was getting at.

He stopped pacing and folded his arms looking at me. "By the time I was nine, I was able to defend myself against almost any human. I was learning and mastering techniques that I had been practicing since I was three years old. You couldn't fight off the average street hood throwing garbage at you."

"And that's my fault?" I demanded angrily.

" I'm not laying blame, Kid. It is what it is. You got six years of catchin up to do. And it's not gonna be easy. I don't have time to let you question every thing I tell you. I don't have time to take it easy and go slow. You got stuff to learn and you gotta learn it now. No games. This is life and death."

I frowned. I understood what he was saying. He was being a prick for my own good. But just because I understood it, didn't mean I had to like it.or agree with it. "I never said I wanted to learn any of this. Why is it...?" I didn't finish before I was hauled off the bed with my back to Raphael. He had one arm wrapped around my throat so that I could barely breathe.

"What are you going to do now, Miren? How are you going to get out of this with your life?" His voice nearly hissed in my ear.

I struggled a little trying to get a breath of air, but his grip tightened.

"This is about your life," Raphael whispered. "Your dad wants it sugar coated, but screw that. They will kill you and they won't think twice about it. You're nothing to them but another enemy. Another freak. You wanna survive, you're gonna listen to everything I have to say. No questions asked."

I nodded still trying to pry his arm from around my throat.

He released me and I fell to the ground gasping. I flinched when he knelt down in front of me, but he looked at me with an expression I'd never seen on him before. It was almost...understanding and maybe a little fondness. "Trust me. I know all of this sucks, but it's the hand your were dealt. I spent half my life bitchin and moaning about it and it didn't get me anywhere." His face turned stern again. "Sorry, Miren, you don't have the luxury of being a carefree kid anymore. Welcome to the clan." He stood and walked out leaving me sitting there wishing that he had just killed me for being disrespectful to Splinter.