These Days
Rating: R
A/N: Hey everyone. Long time no update huh? I know, I know, lazy and shameful :-( Thanks to my wonderful reviewers: ReRe04: Thanks for the feedback. I know it was a little out of character for Jack…ok, it was a lot out of character for Jack but you're right, it's kinda integral to the story line so…. Sam Cdn: thanks a lot Sam, everything you say is taken to heart so I'm happy you think it's OK so far…see you on SG? JackDougie: Um…yeah :-P I'm glad you like it….bad side coming true? Lol…I hope you still like it after this and J.LaRae: I read your review and I totally acknowledge the fact that the incubation period wasn't there, but um…cough read ahead…and I'll also acknowledge that I haven't been touched by the disease, so I'll try my best to do a good job.
The feed back you left was valuable and welcomed and I hope you like part II….even if you don't, leave a comment at the end.
"It's coming round again / the slowly creeping handOf time and its demands / it settles in its place
Its shadow in my place / undignified and lame"
ENJOY
Jack's eyes fluttered open only to slam back shut. Lights. Bright lights. Right above his head. The smell of baked potatoes came wafting toward his nose; the sound of echoing footsteps somewhere further away. He opened one eye slowly, getting his eyes accustomed to the bright room. He opened the other one. A white room.
Doug
Sitting beside his bed, asleep in an uncomfortable looking chair. Jack opened his mouth to speak, but suddenly felt lightheaded as his eyes came into contact with tubes connected to his body, a drip taped flat into the vein in his arm, the methodically beeping monitor.
"Doug," he croaked out, barely over a whisper.
Doug didn't wake up. He was in his uniform, unshaven, and looking like he hadn't slept in days. Days. How long had he been in here? Why was he in here? What happened? Where was Amy?
"Doug," he tried again, straining his throat.
Doug shifted and his eyes fluttered open and met Jack's. He bolted out of the chair and into the hallway outside where he asked a nurse to get a doctor. He came back in and tears welled up in the bottom of his eyes. He saw the fear plastered over Jack's face and was about to move forward but a doctor and two nurses came in and Doug drifted somewhere to the back of the room.
"Mr McPhee," one of the nurses addressed him and snapped him out of his trance. "Can you answer a few questions for me?" she asked sweetly as the other nurse and pulled his arm out and took a blood sample.
He was looking between the two, not sure of who to pay attention to. The doctor stepped forward and checked something of his drip and flicked it, making notes.
"Mr. McPhee…" the nurse said again. He looked in her direction.
"Sure," he answered.
"What's your first name?"
"Jack."
"And the names of your daughter and partner?"
"Amy Lindley and Doug Witter— what am I doing here?"
"In due time Mr. McPhee." The doctor said, not glancing up from his notebook.
"What is your occupation?"
"I'm a teacher."
"Of what subject and where at?"
"English, at Capeside High."
"What month is it?"
"October."
"And do you know the date, or the day of the week?"
Jack hesitated and started shaking his head lightly. "How long have I been in here?"
"I ask the questions Mr. McPhee," the nurse said quickly. "Do you know the date or the day?"
"No," Jack said, starting to get irritated.
The nurse turned and shared a glance with the doctor who nodded and the two girls left.
The doctor was around Doug's age, tall and thin. He had light brown hair that hung over his eyes and glasses that reminded him of Where's Wally. He had perfectly shaped lips, Jack noticed, and strong hands, which seemed to carry the weight of his decisions and diagnosis with ease. He had a crooked smile, one that was not unpleasant, but somehow comforting.
Jack saw that Doug was sitting in a chair at the end of the room, looking down at his feet. Why was he being so distant? Why wasn't here holding his hand? Why did he seem sad rather than happy that Jack had woken up?
"Why am I in here?" Jack asked again. He looked over at Doug once more then turned to the doctor.
"Mr. McPhee—"
"Call me Jack."
"Jack, I'm Dr. Jonathan Price and we admitted you here four days ago when Sheriff Witter found you lying unconscious on your bedroom floor."
Jack looked confused, was about to open his mouth but Dr. Price continued.
"It seems you were suffering rather badly from a cold that was brought into your house through your daughter Amy—"
"Where is Amy?" Jack asked quickly.
"We'll get to that," the doctor said.
"Is she safe?"
"She's perfectly OK, but we need to explain something to you."
Jack looked at his partner and so did Dr. Price. He moved over to Doug and whispered something in his ear. Doug's eyes watered and more tears fell down his cheeks. Dr Price seemed to be searching for some sort of confirmation. Doug wiped his eyes on the cuff of his shirt and shook his head as Jack heard him mutter, "I can't."
Dr. Price patted his back and moved to Jack's bedside and pulled up the chair Doug was asleep on and sat down. He leaned forward and took a deep breath.
"Jack. You're HIV positive."
He seemed to wait for an answer but since he didn't get one he continued. "As I mentioned, you reacted badly to the common cold and at first when you saw a doctor…Dr. Kennedy…he said that it looked like you had the flu?" Jack nodded numbly. "Well, you're lymph nodes were swelling and you started to not be able to move so you stayed in bed, am I right?" Jack nodded.
"Doug tells me you got out of bed to use the bathroom and you collapsed. That's when he called us and we started doing some tests. It seemed odd that you had been experiencing the symptoms that Doug was describing and only then to have your lymph tissue infected …" he trailed off. "A few of my colleagues and I had a feeling what you may have been suffering so we looked up a few books then decided to check your records from the last times you've been tested and as we suspected, you've been negative."
FUCKBUGGERWANKERSHITTINGARSEHEADANDHOLE
"Do you have any idea how you could have been infected Jack?"
Jack glanced at Doug who was now standing at the window, looking in the gardens out the back of the hospital. Jack stayed silent and Doug turned slowly, his tear stained face made Jack's heart break over and over again, as though the smashing of it by a hammer couldn't get the pieces small enough.
"I—I…" he stammered, unable to find his voice.
"Just say it. You fucked someone else," Doug whispered cruelly and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
Jack sat up higher in bed, opening his mouth to say something but couldn't seem to manage anything. The emotions he was bottling up before started to slip as he felt his bottom lip tremble and his vision blur.
"Is Doug safe?"
Dr. Price nodded. "We had him tested, Amy too."
"And…?" he said, scared of the outcome
"She's fine."
Jack took a deep breath, but it wasn't enough to stop all his limbs shaking.
"I know this is terrible news Jack," Jonathan went on, "And we've had to order in your medication from Boston, we didn't have the drugs out here," Jack closed his eyes and tears ran slowly down his face.
"The drug's we're putting you on is taken in a combination, called Cocktails. By taking these drugs, they will reduce the viral load in your blood system. The line of treatment is called HAART, which stands for 'Highly Active Antiretroviral Therapy'. I spoke to the specialist doctor at the Boston Hospital and he says that the drug has been a miracle worker, dramatically reducing the…" he paused as if trying to find the right words, " HIV related…deaths… by many years."
Jack nodded and wiped the tears from his face.
"How many sex partners have you had since…" he checked Jack's records, "May? The last time you were tested?"
Jack was silent and gazed out the window. He sighed and muttered, "Two."
"Doug Witter?"
"Yes."
"And…?"
Jack avoided the gaze of the doctor. "I don't know," he said rather sheepishly, suddenly feeling naked and open to all scrutiny.
Jonathan only nodded and continued, "When did you have sex with him?"
Jack looked down at his shaking hands, "Two weeks ago…when I was in New York for a teaching in-service, I can't recall the date…."
Dr. Price nodded again and took note. "So you don't know the person who infected you?"
Jack shook his head.
"Did you engage in unprotected sex?"
Jack rubbed his forehead, trying to recall. "Aren't you supposed to tell me what happened?"
Dr. Price raised his eyebrows. "So you're unsure?"
Jack nodded. "I thought he put one on…I remember asking him…"
The doctor was silent and Jack sneezed into his sleeve, when he looked up hie eyes were watering. "Where's Amy?" he asked then sniffed, "I want to see my daughter."
Jonathan shook his head; "She's been taken to New York to stay with Doug's brother and his wife. I'm not sure what Doug's got planned, but I'm sure they'll be back in Capeside soon, now that you're awake."
Doug doubled over out the front of the hospital, resting his hands on his thighs. He breathed in deeply, and wiped the tears out of his eyes before he straightened up and pulled his keys out of his back pocket. Making his way over to the patrol car, his shirt wildly un-tucked, a sickening feeling of guilt washed over him and he stopped.
How could he leave Jack like that? How would he feel finding out he was positive? He couldn't just abandon the love of his life? Would Jack be as cowardice as he was being now?
His thought process could go no further as his ring tone sounded from his pocket. He pulled it out and looked at the number. Joey and Pacey
"Yeah?" he asked quietly, his voice catching in his throat.
"Hey Douggie," began Pacey's voice, softer than usual, with a barely detectable hint of trepidation. "Has there been any progress?"
Doug swallowed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand, his keys banging against his face. "He woke up," he murmured.
There was a slight pause, then, "He woke up? What's happened? Did you tell him? Have you called mum? Andie?"
Doug felt his brain whir into overtime and collapse at the entourage of questions that needed answers and validations. He leaned against the nearest car and closed his eyes. "Can I call you back Pace?"
"Of course you can," he said quickly. "Joey and I are home all day, whenever you're ready."
Doug hung up and slipped it back into his pocket. He pulled himself reluctantly away from the car and moved back to the automatic doors of the hospital. He walked not only 30 metres when Dr. Jonathan Price came up to him.
"I thought you left."
Doug raised his keys, "Nearly."
"I'm glad you didn't. Let's go talk in my office."
Doug followed him numbly, remembering the steps from all the other times they had met in there before. He sat down in the comfortable black leather chair and rubbed his eyes.
"Jack needs you to be here, even if you don't want to be."
"I do want to be here, with him. But do you have any idea how hard it is to deal with?" Doug snapped defensively at the insinuations of him being a selfish partner.
"No, I don't," Dr Price said levelly. "But I'm sure I can fathom the magnitude of your emotions: anger, sadness, regret, denial, love, anguish, hate, resentment…"
Doug raised his hand, "We get the picture."
"My point is; Jack's feeling that way too, even more so than you probably are. But at the same time, it's all self-depreciating. He's angry with himself for doing what he did: for contracting the virus, for cheating on you, for not being careful. There's a massive list of things, and he is going to need your love and support to get through this."
Doug considered this. "And what if I can't do it? What if I can't be the man who puts on the bright face when there's doom and gloom around him? Let's be realistic Jonathan; Jack is going to die."
Jonathan smiled, "Everyone is too, Doug. But that doesn't mean you abandon them. It doesn't mean you shouldn't love them. It means that you should love them more. And anyway, I know you're not the kind of man who walks away from duty and obligation, so why would you turn your back on love?"
Doug stared unseeingly out the window. "How is he?"
"How do you think he is?"
"Not good?"
"And a half," Jonathan said and sighed. "I want you to go and sit with him."
"What should I say?"
"You don't have to say anything, just be with him. Let him feel that he still has you."
"He still does," Doug said softly, paused for a moment then stood up. "If you'll excuse me, I need to make a phone call."
Doug opened the door quietly and slipped in. Thinking Jack was asleep, he resumed his former position in the chair beside the bed. He closed his eyes, only momentarily, because the sound of his lover's voice stirred them open.
"You didn't leave?" Jack rasped.
Doug's eyes softened as he tried to get a look at what he presumed to be Jack's tear streamed face, but couldn't as he was facing away from him.
"No," he replied and reached out a hand to stroke Jack's, who slipped it out of Doug's warm touch. "Jack, look at me," Doug said softly.
Jack sighed and turned his head toward Doug. His eyes were red and stained with guilt and regret. "I've called Andie," he said finally, taking in all the emotions he never knew existed under Jack's beautiful blue eyes. "She's coming out to see us tomorrow."
"When can I see Amy?" Jack asked as though what Doug had said was completely irrelevant. "Why did you take her away?"
Doug ran a hand through his hair, "I was advised to take her away from the stress. I couldn't look after her, Jack, not between staying here and trying to do some work and dealing with relatives…" he trailed off. "Amy's been spending a lot of time with Grams in New York and she's coming down with Pacey and Joey in two days time."
Jack simply nodded and looked away. He squeezed his eyes shut and coughed violently. Doug stood up and leaned over Jack, rubbing his back but Jack shied away from the contact. Doug moved back, straightened the sheets on his bed.
"I need to make a few more phone calls, I'll be back later," he said pausing for the reply which he knew he wouldn't get. He walked slowly toward the door and stopped, looking back over at his lover, his best friend, his partner and uttered the words he thought he wouldn't be able to say so soon, "I love you Jack."
