These Days
Rating: er…well, I'm not sure coz of the new system….oh! I think…whatever that's means…..
A/N: OK, laziness blah blah blah……I know, you know, so why should I waste anymore of your time? Enjoy what I have written and come back in a few months when I've written some more :P Thanks to ALL who reviewed, you know its means a lot.
"This life well it's slipping through my hands / These days turned out nothing like I had planned"
Amy entered the room hesitantly, wincing at the creak of the door. She'd been warned to be gentle with her dad, but not told exactly what was wrong, which made her worry.
He didn't look that bad, except maybe the dark circles under his eyes. She sat on the chair that was still warm from where Doug was seated not long ago when Joey and Pacey and Grams had come rushing down the hospital corridor. They decided to have an "adults meeting" so she slipped in to spend time with her dad.
She lent forward on her elbows and whispered, "Dad?"
He didn't move so she stood up and took little steps in the new shoes Joey and bought her, towards the bed. She studied his face. The dark hair was getting longer, and she wondered why he hadn't got a haircut recently. She remembered asking him, and Dougie had said that he liked it long, but Amy wasn't sure, it made him look scruffy and not like the other dads. Then again, Jack wasn't like the other dads anyway, so what did it matter?
Her piercing blue eyes wandered about the surroundings, beeping machines and tubes, it gave her the creeps. She heard the creak of the door and turned suddenly, feeling guilty, but unsure what about. Doug moved into the room and went to pick her up but she struggled.
"Don't," she whined. "I wanna stay here."
Doug looked down at her big eyes, confused and scared. "You can't stay in here Princess," he whispered and squatted on his haunches before her. "Let me take you home to get some stuff to play with, we might be here a while."
"Why?" she asked stubbornly, crossing her arms over her little chest. "What's wrong with daddy?"
Doug closed his eyes. The inevitable question. "What's wrong with daddy?"
He rubbed his hands over his face and avoided the question, "Let's go home. I don't want dad to wake up yet, he needs sleep."
She took a last look of Jack and led the way out of the room. Doug lingered behind and placed a kiss on the side of Jack's mouth, brushing the dark hair out of the peacefully closed eyes. "I like your hair long," he muttered to no one in particular and then left the room also.
"Thanks for coming down so quickly," Doug said, unlocking their house and pushing the door open.
Amy ran down the entrance corridor and into her room. Joey smiled, "Don't thank us Doug," she said, "We're family, we do these things because we love you, not because there was a binding clause on the marriage certificate."
Doug nodded and wiped his dampening eyes on his sleeve. "Jeez, I stink," he said softly.
"Take a shower Dougie, we'll watch the Aimster," Pacey said and patted Doug on the back before he wandered to his bedroom and closed the door.
Pacey and Joey made their way into the kitchen.
"Jesus Pacey, how's Doug going to explain this to Amy?"
Pacey filled the kettle and took three mugs from the cupboard, "I don't think he's going to Jo."
"What—"
"I think he's asked Grams to explain it to her."
Joey stared pensively out the window, watching the crashing waves run up the damp sand, the seagulls soaring overhead and suddenly she felt that everything was so futile. The injustice of the situation seemed so unfounded, the harshness truly made humanity something to fear.
"Jo?" Pacey asked, placing the steaming mug in front of her. "Penny for your thoughts?"
"I wish," she muttered and Pacey smiled weakly, passing her a tissue and she wiped her eyes. He knelt on the ground in front of her and took her hands, warming them from the autumn chill.
"Tell me," he whispered, "Why you're crying."
"Pace—" she started, but she couldn't find the words.
"Jack's not going to die," Pacey said; adjusting himself, discomfort greeting his knees.
She shook her head, "Eventually, he will," she said softly. "But that's not why I'm upset. I guess I'm upset for the life Jack and Doug will never have. For the life Amy will have because of it…" she shook her hands out of Pacey's a stood up. "No one should have to live with this disease, it's just so sad."
Doug sat on the edge of their bed and unbuttoned his shirt slowly, trying desperately to imagine Jack sitting on the opposite edge of the bed, laughing about something that happened at work that day or happy that he didn't have to stay behind for detention duty.
Slipping the light blue shirt off his shoulders, he tried to remember how warm Jack's hands felt when they traced lazy circles on his back, the wet comfort of his soft lips making their way down his neck and across his jaw, the feeling of being at peace when Jack's body was lying under his, exhausted and dreamy…
He walked into their ensuite and turned on the hot water, running his fingers under it to test the temperature. He glanced over at the vanity and realised it had been a long time since he had done any sort of manic cleaning. Toothbrushes not in their right spot, medication lying next to a half filled glass of water and the top drawer open, a packet of unopened condoms, still wrapped in plastic.
He pushed the draw shut and stepped into the shower, feeling exhausted and light-headed. The hot water was scorching his back, but he needed to feel something, the growing sense of his own numbness was creeping into his veins and he didn't like the connotations.
He had spent days crying whilst Jack was still in the coma and he felt cried-out, but wanted to keep going, though knowing his body had stopped crying to prevent him becoming sick. Trying his hardest, he couldn't even remember his last decent meal…maybe it was Jack's tortellini with the McPhee family secret sauce…that was two weeks ago….maybe…
Jack cheated on me Jack cheated on me Jack cheated on me Jack cheated on meHe rested his forehead on the shower door and clutched at his aching heart, so sure it was going to burst from pain and anguish. He loved Jack totally and dreamed up their perfect life together, and now…he didn't know what was going to happen now…play it as it comes? He hoped Grams would say something of comfort but only looked broken as she had stared into the hospital bedroom…
"Here," Joey said and passed Doug his mug of coffee. They were sitting in the living room and Amy was sitting on Pacey's lap in the armchair closest to the fire. Doug accepted the mug nd wrapped his hands around it.
There was a moment of silence before Amy spoke.
"What's wrong with daddy?"
The three adults glanced at each other, before Joey and Pacey's settled on Doug, who was intent on staring somewhere off into the distance. He blined his eyes closed and breathed deeply.
"Dougie?" Amy asked again. "Uncle Pacey? Aunty Joey? What's wrong with daddy?"
"He's not well Princess," came Doug's quiet reply.
"Is he going to get better?"
"Yes," Doug said looking up at her, then looking at the clock. Andie's going to be here soon with Joseph, I don't know how to explain this to them."
"It's kind of self-explanatory, don't you think?" Pacey asked as he put Amy on the ground and watched as she danced out of the room.
"I know…but…It's just going to be hard," he looked down at his empty mug and didn't even remember finishing it. "And the school…no one in this town is going to want to be taught by an HIV positive teacher…"
"No one will know," Joey offered.
"Are you kidding?" Doug scoffed and put the mug on the coffee table. "This is Capeside, everyone will know in a week's time, when Mr. McPhee is no longer at school…the principal's been calling me…asking too many questions…"
"We'll figure out someway to work this out Doug," Joey said and scooted over to pull him into an embrace.
