Lily groaned as Adalia ripped open the curtains. Sunlight cascaded into the room, flowing like liquid gold over the shadows. She winced, shutting her eyes tight.

'' Aw...Ada...please....it's a Saturday,'' Lily moaned, burying her face in her creased pillow.

'' Yeah,'' Adalia replied loudly. '' A Saturday afternoon. It's almost one o clock,''
'' What? '' Julie yelped, leaping up and hurrying into the bathroom. '' I'm meeting Jack in Hogsmeade at two! ''

Lily sighed as she heard the shower running. How was she supposed to sleep in this? ''

Yeah...but I've a hangover...have mercy, Ada. Anyway, I've nowhere to be,'' Bailey yawned, gently easing her throbbing temples with her fingers.

Lily murmured agreement, closing her eyes blearily.

'' MY GOD! Potter! How did you get in here? '' Adalia cried in surprise.

'' What? Potter? Where? Huh? '' Lily shouted hoarsely, jumping out of bed, looking around wildly. There was no-one there. Adalia began to laugh.

'' C'mon Lily...it's obvious something happened between you two in that closet. C'mon, tell me,'' Adalia whined.

Lily flung a pillow at her, sighing deeply. All the events of the night-before had come rushing back...

'' I don't wanna,'' she grumbled, sounding like a five year old. Bailey sat up in the bed, taking a sip of water.

'' Huh? What closet? ''

'' Wow,'' Adalia and Lily said simultaneously.

'' You must really have been locked if you can't remember that,'' Adalia added as Lily nodded her head vigourously.

'' How much did I have to drink? '' Bailey asked tentatively.

'' About a crate of butterbeers,'' Adalia replied promptly.

'' You're not serious? '' Bailey moaned, gulping down some more water. Adalia nodded. '' Oh My Merlin,'' Bailey snivelled, collapsing back against the pillows.

'' Anyway...'' Adalia began, staring at Lily.

'' My God. I cannot believe I even went into the damn closet with him! '' Lily whimpered, banging her head off the wall. '' He annoys me so much...''

'' Was he good? '' Bailey asked bluntly.

Lily flushed.
'' Um...no comment,''

'' Aww...come on,'' Bailey and Adalia groaned.

'' Fine, fine,'' Lily said grumpily. '' Yeah, he was good,''

Bailey's eyes lit up.

'' How good? '' she pressed. Lily mumbled something incoherent.

'' What? '' Adalia said eagerly.

'' Best ever...'' Lily answered, reddening.

'' Aha! ''

Lily ignored her, frowning. '' He was almost too good,''

'' No-one is too good, girl,'' Bailey remarked placidly. Lily continued on, ignoring them.

'' It was like...intoxicating. Like I couldn't get enough....you know? Like I had to have him,''

'' Weird,'' Adalia commented. '' I mean, you of all people...''

'' I know,'' Lily agreed miserably, biting her nail. '' Then I actually realised what I was doing, thank the Lord, and I pushed him off. Needless to say, his ego couldn't take it. But that's Potter for you,''

'' Yeah,'' Adalia echoed. '' Yeah,''

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'' Dude, c'mon. You've gotta get up. Show her you don't care,'' Remus cajoled.

James just groaned.

'' Look, I know you care, Prongs. But...you've gotta keep living. You can't just roll over and die from a little rejection,''

'' A LITTLE? '' James spat furiously, storming out of bed. '' A little? She humiliated me! ''

'' But,'' Remus began placatingly. '' You had humiliated her at the dance,''

'' Yeah, I guess,'' James replied, subdued. Sighing, he crossed to the window, glaring out at the sun.

'' It's just...! She was enjoying it, damn it! I know she was! And then, all of a sudden, it's like she's all cold and bitchy toward me. I do not understand her! ''

'' Just a shot in the dark here mate...but maybe that was cos she...you know...well...''

'' Spit it out, Moony,'' James said harshly.

'' Well...she's always hated you...now, you say she fantasised about you...so her body is telling her she's attracted to you...but her head keeps convincing her she hates you...then when she eventually...you know...with you, her body responds....then her head tells her she hates you again and she gets all confused....so you know, she shoves you away and acts all bitchy. Get it?

'' Yeah,'' James sighed. Then he brightened. '' Yeah! ''

'' Hey where's Sirius? '' James added, looking around.

'' He's gone to get food for you from the kitchen,'' Remus said dismissively. '' Point is...if she's attracted to you....and you show her the good side of you...well, then, she might begin to like you for your personality...and since she'd be attracted to you...she might, you know, go out with you,''

James considered. '' Wow, Remus! You're so...''

'' Clever? '' Remus voiced, grinning.

'' So...good at women,''

Remus shrugged, pleased. Just then, the door burst open.

'' Good mate, you're up,'' greeted Sirius, noisily eating a sandwich, from behind the crate of food he was carrying. He laid it down on the bed.

'' Mate, was she good? ''

' Huh? '' James asked stupidly.

'' Was Evans a good french? '' he repeated patiently.

'' Why? ''

'' Just answer the question, Prongs! ''

'' Yeah...she was really good,'' James answered, frowning.

'' How good? '' Sirius pressed.

'' Best,'' James replied quickly, with no hesitation.

Sirius grinned. '' You know the secret passage leading to the kitchens? Next to the girls' dorms? Well, I just heard a very interesting conversation as I passed,''

'' Yeah? '' James said warily.

'' Yeah...James, congrats mate. You were Evans' best ever french,''
James couldn't help it. He grinned.

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'' Today...my friends, I execute Phase One of Operation Potter Humiliation,'' Lily grinned nastily.

'' I don't know...'' Adalia said slowly.

'' Oh, it's only a joke,'' Lily assured her lightly. '' Just to take his ego down a notch or two,''

'' If you say so...'' Bailey answered.

'' I do,'' Lily said firmly. '' C'mon guys, it'll be fun! ''

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'' I've got it! '' Sirius exclaimed gleefully, rubbing his hands to and fro in anticipation. The Marauders had spent the last hour discussing how James could show Lily he was a good person.

'' What? '' James said eagerly. Sirius frowned.

'' Well...it doesn't really prove you have an...er...attractive persona...but it'll tell us whether Evans is affected by you or not,''

'' Go on...'' James coaxed.

'' You've gotta make her insanely jealous! '' Sirius grinned triumphantly.

'' How? '' James asked, dubious. Remus was nodding.

'' Um...we'll persuade Bailey to do it or something,'' Remus suggested.

'' No! '' Sirius protested impulsively.

Remus eyed him strangely.
'' Why? ''

Sirius flushed.

'' Well...er...I just think it'd be too obvious. Julie or Adalia could do it,'' he added quickly. Remus looked a bit uncomfortable.

'' Um...we'll ask Julie cos...well, Adalia and I are sortofgoingout,'' he finished in a rush, blushing. Sirius looked stunned, then clapped him on the back.

'' Fair play to you, mate,''

'' Yeah, anyway...? '' James interrupted impatiently. He'd waited six years for Lilly Evans. He figured it was time he finally got her to fall for him. And, this time, his plan would work.

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'' Oooh, this is going to be classic! I cannot wait to see his face! '' Bailey chuckled, staring avidly at the photographs Adalia had just showed her. Adalia, being a Prewett, was a close family friend of the Potters and had many ridiculous photos of James at home. But this one had to be the icing on the cake.

'' If you think that's good, wait 'til you see this,'' Adalia smirked, passing the photo to Lily, who gasped out loud and began laughing uproariously, tears forming in her eyes.

'' Show, show! '' Bailey wailed, then squealed in laughter as her eyes raked over the absurd image. Neither could speak for several minutes, they were laughing too hard, tears streaming down their ruddy cheeks.

For once, Potter would know what it felt like to be publicly ridiculed.

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Lily, Bailey and Adalia spent several hours that night conjuring copies of the two photos and systematically posting them up on billboards at prominent locations in the school. The beauty of the plan was, due to a complex charm Lily had performed, no-one above the age of eighteen could see the ridiculous antics of James in the photos – all they saw were adverts for books, lost and found posters and Hogsmeade announcements. So, the three girls could get away scot free with their prank and still have every student in the school well aware of Potter's childish escapades.

'' And...when Potter sees the photos, our pranks on him will be activated! '' Lily exclaimed, smacking palms triumphantly with Bailey.

The three girls grinned. Finally, James Potter would get his comeuppance.

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James woke brigthly the next morning. Today, he was going to convince Julie to go out with him in an effort to make Lily envious. He bounced out of the Common Room, a spring in his step. It wasn't until he reached the Great Hall and saw a phenomenal amount of students gathered around the billboard, laughing hysterically, that he felt nervous. Several of them pointed at him, laughing even harder as he approached. Could this be Lily's doing?

He glanced over at Lily and found her doubled over in laughter, wiping tears from her eyes. Adalia was laughing uncomfortably, shooting him worried looks, and Bailey...her head was on the table and her shoulders were quaking.

James walked closer and nearly died when he saw what was posted up on the billboard. Pictures of him. One, when he was six years old, running down the street with his mother chasing him...wearing nothing but diapers. Extra-large blue ones with moving pictures of pigeons on them. The other photo depicted him at eight, wearing a pink ballerina tutu. And he was dancing. Energetically. Then the James in the photo moved and, making James even more embarrassed, did the splits.

James felt his face heat and a fierce anger rose in his blood. This was just...unfair. Dragging up his worst memories. He had worn diapers until he was six because of a kidney infection. And his father had forced him to take ballet lessons as punishment for mocking some girls in primary school who had done it. It wasn't his fault he had had a knack for it.

'' EVANS! EVANS! '' he bellowed, angier than he had ever been. He stormed over to the table and yanked her out of her chair, his eyes flashing with a terrifying wrath.

'' YOU BITCH! I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY NOW! ''was all he managed to shout, shaking in fury. He started to storm away, before there was a loud crack and, over his robes, a huge yellow diaper appeared, decorated with blue sheep.

'' WHAT THE HELL....? '' he shouted, drawing all attention to him. He began to try to fight it off, muttering several spells. The diaper remained immovable. Everyone began to laugh anew, watching as he sturggled with it.

'' Aaaah! '' he screamed as, when he tried to move, his legs began flying and whirling about, performing silly ballet moves, dancing wildly of their own accord.

Lily watched as everyone laughed. And, strangely enough, she didn't feel any satisfaction whatsoever. In fact, she felt a twinge of guilt.

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It was a few weeks before people stopped talking about James and his week of humiliation. Due to a difficult charm of Lily's, the diaper remained fixed on whatever item of clothing James was wearing for a full week.

Despite his protests, the teachers ignored his pleas, turning blind eyes. Many didn't even know how to break Lily's spell and couldn't help anyway, but still enjoyed the embarrasssment of the previous ' Pranker Extraordinaire '.

In fact, only Flitwick, McGonagall and Dumbledore had the means necessary to free Potter from his diaper, but all pretended they couldn't – Flitwick because it was an astounding extent of Charm magic and Lily was his favourite anyway, McGonagall because she felt it was a fitting punishment for the many pranks James had subjected others to and Dumbledore because he felt it highly amusing.

To top it all off, whenever James tried to move, his legs would perform a ridiculous rendition of Swan Lake, dancing him to classes. Needless to say, he wasn't happy. Christmas came and went. To everyone's surprise, James, the legendary pranker, didn't retaliate against Lily, fighting an inner battle with himself. Therefore, he ignored Sirius' whines and pleas that it was only fair to pelt Lily with dungbombs and plant ' Babbling Blather Brew ' in her juice...among many others.

Despite his anger, he had to hand it to Lily. Her prank was hilarious and very well done. Even though he was humiliated, he respected Lily for following through with her threats and not just letting people walk all over her. She really was one of a kind.

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Lily was very confused. She had not felt the expected satisfaction when James was hit with her prank. In fact, secretly, she had sympathised with him and felt...guilty. She didn't understand it. Eventually, James had decided to laugh along with everybody else and, after the first few days of his embarrassment, took it in his stride.

He could be heard shouting ' I still got it, man! ' when his legs began their familiar ballet manoeuvres and ' Even with a diaper, I still look good! ' .

She had to admit he was a funny guy. Instead of glaring at her and plotting revenge, he grinned at her in classes, winked openly at her and even congratulated her on her prank, after apologising for calling her names.

This just confused her more. Despite her conflicting emotions, Lily was beginning to admire James Potter. Who else could laugh off something like that? She knew she probably couldn't. Grudgingly, she admitted it; James Potter was one of a kind.

But this just convinced her more – she had to finish her Operation Potter Humiliation. It was worrying her – why wasn't she feeling superior? Why wasn't she satisfied? Why wasn't she gloating? It only had to be that her prank wasn't enough. She had to do something huge. And then it hit her.

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Lily psyched herself up more and more as her potion reached maturity. It took her several days of studying the spells needed to begin the potion. ' Humble Pie ' was her nickname for it.

Herself and Bailey spent many hours in the abandoned girls' toilets on the third floor, ignoring Moaning Myrtle who drifted in from the U Bend occasionally, giving them vivid descriptions of the bodies of boys she spied on while they took baths in the Prefects' Bathrooms.

'' Ooh! Guess who's in there now! James Potter,'' Moaning Myrtle whispered slyly into Lily's ear as she stirred the bubbling green liquid in the cauldron. She choked on her chocolate crunching caterpillar, hastily spitting it out.

'' Huh? '' she answered hoarsely, visions of him sitting in a bath supplanted in her mind.

'' Oooh, yes! '' squealed Myrtle, ignoring Lily's frenzied coughs.

'' But he's not a prefect...'' Bailey said slowly. Trust Potter to worm his way in there, breaking rules. She finally noticed Lily's discomfort and, smirking, decided to annoy her.

'' So...Myrtle, what rating would you give Mr. Potter? '' Bailey enquired sweetly, laughing inwardly as Lily reddened.

'' Oooh! Definitely an eleven...out of ten. He's all toned and muscle...but not overbuffed...just right...and quite well...endowed,'' Myrtle giggled dreamily.

Lily coughed again, blushing as red as the roots of her hair. She cleared her throat loudly, momentarily forgetting to stir the potion.

'' Oooh, yes...he's a real turn on. It's a pity ghosts can't have sex. Unfortunately...'' Myrtle batted her eyelashes girlishly. '' When he discovered me, he wasn't happy! Started hexing and cursing at me...''

Lily was almost paralysed, her face heating even more... Bailey was fighting to smother a giggle as Lily got more and more uncomfortable.

'' He didn't mind the mermaid,'' Myrtle said spitefully. '' Giggling and fluttering her eyelashes, tossing her hair and flashing her fins...''

Lily nervously saw her hand begin to shake. Oddly enough, the thought of James flirting with the mermaid picture in the private bathrooms...alone...didn't improve her mood. It made her feel weird, actually. She shrugged it off, trying to concentrate on the foaming potion...but the bubbles just reminded her of a bubblebath....and she found herself listening avidly to Myrtle.

'' Ooh, when she asked him if he worked out, he got all shy...then he said he exercised with a girl called Lily Evans...'' hissed Myrtle into her ear. '' And the mermaid got all jealous when he began describing her...said she was beautiful...''

Myrtle flounced away, diving into the murky toilet water. '' Lucky her...'' her voice echoed.

Lily was blushing furiously, but, secretly, felt quite pleased. So she was beautiful!

'' Yeah, lucky her...'' Bailey commented mischievously, before Lily hit her in the face with a tranfigured pillow.

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On February 14th Lily woke to see James' face above hers. Before she knew what she was doing, she had grabbed him and kissed him hard, on the lips. Then the voice of reason flared into life and she leapt out of bed, screaming.

'' Aaaaaahhhh! What are you doing here? '' she shouted, a telltale blush creeping up her neck. Last night she had dreamt...again...of James and the closet and her reflexes had tapped in before she woke properly.

He grinned saucily at her. '' Delivering your present, obviously. And receiving mine...'' his eyebrows rose, indicating her faux pas.

'' Look, Potter, this happens every year. Please spare me. We are not going out,'' she enunciated. '' And we never will be. We do not give presents. ''

'' Really? '' James frowned, then grinned at her. '' Seems you just gave me mine...'' he trailed off meaningfully.

Lily flushed deeply. '' Potter, get out,'' she said wearily. He produced a bouquet of lilies from behind his back, wiggling his eyebrows impishly. Tiredly, she took them and grabbed the scissors by her bed.

'' These will end up in the same place they do every year, Potter. And you can watch me do it,'' Then, dramatically, Lily stalked into the common room and knelt before the hearth.

'' Fiu,'' she murmured and a blazing fire began crackling merrily in the grate. Making a big show of her actions, Lily snipped the heads off the flowers, then threw them and their entrails into the fire, where they were swallowed by flames.

'' As always, thanks for your consideration, Potter,'' she said brightly, hurrying back up to her dorm, leaving James, sighing, staring at his wrecked present.

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'' I was thinking...and I've a way better idea than the ' go out with James to make Lily jealous ' idea,'' Sirius screeched excitedly to Remus.

'' But it'll be more fun if it's unexpected. So we won't tell James...we'll need loads of books from the Restricted section...''

Remus eyed Sirius warily. '' What for? ''
'' Well, my friend, we're going to execute my ' Peas in a Pod ' plan by....''

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A/N: I was going to make the chappie longer but....you know! I CANNOT BELIEVE I HIT OVER 100 REVIEWS!!!! THANKS TO EVERYONE! You all are so great!!!!! Anyway, next chapter:

Lily's prank!

James' Valentine surprise!

And Sirius' ingenious plan!

Deal-With-It: Poor you! No net at home....that really does suck! But it's lucky you can go on at work....even if your mum's boss thinks you're mental!!!!!! I am sooooo glad SOMEBODY laughed at my ridiculous chappie! : D What can I say???? Sirius is a frisky guy! And Lil and james are fucked up! You just gave me a COOL idea!!!!!! Whan you mentioned the psychologist!! Expect to see some in the next chappie!!! Thanks so much!


FlameSpirit: Thank you so much! Your reviews always brighten my day! I dunno about being head over heels for it but thank you so much! : D


Siobhan: What can I say? James does have a very cute ass! In my head anyway! Strangely enough, Ice Queen actually updated! Once in over 12 months!!!! Good for us! Lily is a kick ass chick...cos I like her better that way! Okkkkk, how was the kissing scene RAUNCHY???? I thought it was kinda sweet! The sex scene will come...IRONICALLY my friend Siobhan is WRITING it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : D!


Beth: Thanks so much!


Amy: Thank you SO much! Hopefully, I do have potential! Thanks!


Madamozelle Margirita: Thank you so much! Your review was too cool for words! Yes, I'm stealing your quotes! Thank you though, seriously.


KMK: Thanks! I'll check out Christopher Paloni and his book! Are his Sages anything like mine? Yes, they finally kissed!!! I've some spiciness planned 4 next chappie 2!


Sassafras: DON'T WORRY!!!! They WILL get together...in a small while...right now I'm just teasing them! But they WILL get together so please stick with it! I know it's frustrating! Thank you so much! Seriously! Your reviews rock!


Speedoairhead: Well....he had an embarrassing childhood all right!!!!! Diapers and ballet! Thanks 4 review! I was thinking about what you said...I'll try and work Lady Lasair showing Lils how much she likes James somehow....!


Lizzle: As much as I would enjoy having Lils tie him to a bed and live out her fantasy....I don't think she'd do it...cos she's soooo confused! But I DO have spiciness planned 4 the next chapter so hang in there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And this will be a looong story...with lots of twists! Thanks so much 4 your review!

LaLaLaLa Liz: Thank you!!!!!!!!!! Thank you! James is kinda full of himself....hmmm, Lils will have to kick him down a notch or two....


Miss Mags A K : I'll be checking out Eragon! Thanks! I updated again! I think I'm quite fast really!!! Thanks so much 4 your review!


Mereschino: Thanks! I thought it was unusual!


Ash: Please don't kill me! I updated!!! Thank you! I don't think it was up to ' wow ' standards but thanks!!!


Trixie: I can't really remember chappie 10 but I don't think I had them block the killing curse...they just dodged it...which Harry did in the 4th and 5th books.


Katie: I am dumfounded! You spent 2 hours reading my story????? THANK YOU SO SO SO SO MUCH! I know, I know...Lils is a bit....but you've gotta put yourself in her shoes. Cos we KNOW that they'll end up together....but SHE doesn't. She is unbelievably attracted to James....but she's ALWAYS hated him...and then he saves her life...THEN he broadcasts her fantasies...she doesn't know what to think!!!! Thanks...I tired to make the kissing scene sweet so thanks! Your idea is fantastic! Pat yourself on the back! I'll be using the head inflates thing...but not at the Quidditch match cos...James can't be too angry at Lils or my plot won't work! I will use your idea though and the chappie will be dedicated to you cos of your brill idea!!! Thanks!


Nino: Thank you SO SO much! I've tried to make the story a bit unpredictable so thanks so much!!!!! You are a great reviewer! Thanks! : D


Amanda: Thanks so much! Please keep reviewing! Thanks! : D


Laura Johnson: Thanks so much!!! At least SOMEONE reads my A/Ns!!!!!!! Pat yourself on the back! You deserve it! To wade through my meaningless comments!!! THANKS YOU'RE A STAR!!! : D


PathLover08: YOU actually LIKED the apple bit? I thought it was just lame! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY! EVERY review makes me SO happy! Thanks!

LilynJames AAF: Thanks! My story is hot?????? How do you mean???? THANKS! I've some spiciness planned 4 next chappie so hang in there! THANKS!