"TRIP TO THE DENTIST"
PART DEUX
Ray walked into the bedroom where Debra was rubbing lotion on her hands.
"Hi..." Ray said to Debra silently.
"...Hi." Debra replied. Ray then kicked off his pants and sat on the bed throwing something under his pillow.
"Listen, Debra... I'm sorry about before. I never meant to start World War Three this afternoon."
"I know you didn't, honey... but that's what you do, you start things." Ray wanted to argue, but saw a knife on Debra's bedside table. He paused, staring at the knife.
"You okay?" Debra asked. Ray still looking at the knife.
"Ray? Ray?" Debra asked while shaking him.
"Oh yeah! I'm fine! How about a hug?" As Debra started to go for Ray, Ray quickly pulled from under his pillow a pair of oven mitts. He quickly put them on Debra then wrapped them around with duct tape.
"Ray! What in hell are you doing?" Debra asked, shocked.
"Don't worry Debra, this is for my own good!" Ray yelled. He then looked down at his crotch. "You're both safe now!" Ray then got up and picked up the knife. It was rather small and dull.
"Ray, that's a nail filer." Debra responded. Ray then looked at the filer.
"It still looks sharp to me!" Ray yelled as he exited the room.
"Get your ass back in here and get these things off of me!" Debra yelled to Ray.
Ray quickly reentered the room and went over to his side of the bed. He got his pillow and started for the door.
"Forgot my pillow, I'll sleep on the couch." Ray replied to Debra.
"You're damned right going to sleep on the couch! And no more sex either."
"You got it! Sex is not worth the end of my boys!" Ray hurried out the room. "Good night!"
"Ray! Ray!" Debra yelled. Ray did not come in the room. "I wonder if he'll like his boys done medium-rare or well-done?" Debra asked herself.
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Ray was eating cereal the next morning when Robert entered. Robert was tired and groggy, and was still wearing yesterday's clothes.
"Hey." Robert slowly said as he dragged himself into the kitchen.
"What happened to you?"
"You wanna know what happened to me?" Robert got edgy.
"You had sex with a dingo or something, and lost!" Ray laughed.
"You! You is what happened to me! Amy was still angry last night, and she told me to get out of the bed, and sleep somewhere else! You wanna know where I slept?"
"I'm sure the dingo didn't kidnap you, because you're a little big to drag to the car." Ray laughed again.
"I had to sleep in my patrol car! In Manhattan! Away from here! FAR away from here! Because my wife threatened to castrate me if I came near the house!"
"Manhattan?" Ray asked.
"Yes! Manhattan!"
"Why didn't you just rent a hotel room?" Ray asked.
"Hotel?"
"Yeah, for you and the dingo!" Ray laughed once more.
Frank then entered, he looked refreshed. Frank went over to Ray, and patted him on the shoulder.
"Thank you, my boy! That was the best sleep I've had in a very long time! Marie's mouth wasn't even moving, last night! I could finally sleep without that annoying large voice yelling in my ear to stop farting! I guess she's finally gotten used to the smells!" Frank laughed.
"Funny." Robert said sarcastically.
"What's with you, lover boy?" Frank asked.
"He didn't sleep well." Ray replied for Robert.
"Didn't 'sleep' well, huh son!" Frank laughed.
"I slept in my patrol car!" Robert yelled.
"Too cheap to get a room?" Frank asked.
"No! It's not like that!" Robert defended.
"I guess he didn't want Amy to find out about those ladies at the Plaza!"
"You lucky bastard!" Frank told Robert.
"I didn't sleep in a hotel with other women! I slept in my car!"
"All the better!" Frank laughed.
"I'm leaving!" Robert yelled as he walked for the kitchen door.
"And don't forget to get rid of the bra and pantyhose in the backseat before Amy sees them!" Ray joked. Frank and Ray both laughed.
Robert stormed out of the house.
"So, dad. Why didn't mom get on your case last night?" Ray asked.
"Lemme just say that, she hasn't looked down there for the last three years! She's afraid to venture into the unknown!"
"Okay, nightmares... I'm now going to have nightmares of you until the day I die." Ray replied.
"Even I don't venture down there anymore!"
"I have to go to the dentist now!" Ray said as he quickly got up from the table.
"Could I come?" Frank asked.
"I'm not going to the one with the sexy nurses, Debra would kill me."
"I heard that she's already picked out your tombstone!" Frank said as Debra entered the kitchen.
"Ray Barone, castrated then decapitated by his own wife." Debra responded.
"Have a great day!" Ray slowly backed out of the kitchen.
When Ray left, Frank was still sitting at the table while Debra was getting a cup of coffee.
"Say Debra, how about breakfast?" Frank asked.
Debra turned to Frank with an angry look.
"Okay! You enjoy your day!" Frank got up and exited the house.
"Idiots." Debra responded.
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Ray was sitting on the same wooden block in the dentist waiting room, surrounded by kids. One of the kids turned to Ray.
"Aren't you a little old to be coming here?" The kid asked.
"I'd go to the adult dentist, but my wife would..." Ray stopped to look at the kid, then leaned forward to see who the kid was with. Ray saw that the kid's father was a large, muscular guy.
"Mind your own business kid!" Ray quickly yelled.
The kid started to cry, and turned to his father. The father soon got up, and went over to shrimpy Ray on the block.
"What have you been telling my kid!" The father yelled.
Ray fell off the block. "I said nothing to him! Just to mind his own business!"
"Why don't you tell that to me, short stuff?"
"No! Because if I do you'll kick me in my you know where, and I don't need anymore of that because my wife has been kicking up there for the last few days! She's been threatening to cas-ter-trate me as well!"
The guy stopped, then looked around the room.
"Oh... I'm sorry little buddy. Damn! She actually threatened to castrate you?"
"Yeah!"
"My wife just threw me out of the house when she found out that I was cheating on her with one of those damn sexy nurses from that other dentist. She didn't even take out a knife! Damn those sexy nurses."
"Those sexy nurses have caused a lot of trouble." Ray replied.
"Yeah, but what can you do. They do do it good though. If you know what I mean?"
Ray laughed, then stopped.
"No, I don't know what you mean because I've never done it with a hot looking nurse. Just my wife."
"Bummer. Well, see you later." The large guy and his son left the dentist waiting room.
"Mister Barone, you're next." The nurse came out and said.
Ray started to walk toward the nurse when he tripped over a tonka truck. He then got up and gave the broken truck to the kid. The kid started to cry. Ray went back to the kid and showed the kid that the truck was still good. As Ray rolled the truck on the ground, the wheels fell off. The kid started to cry even more.
The nurse was starting to get impatient. As Ray tried to calm the kid, the kid's mother came up from behind and started to hit Ray with her purse. Ray ran over to the nurse.
"Car trouble." Ray joked as the nurse and him went into the back area.
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Debra, Amy, and Marie were sitting in Marie's kitchen, just talking.
"I can't believe Robert! He never even came to bed last night! I heard that he had slept in his car in Manhattan! Why would he do that?" Amy asked.
"He must have thought that you were angry with him. Really angry that you would have wanted to castrate him." Debra replied.
"Castrate him? Why would I want to do that?" Amy asked.
"To get back at him for what he had done." Debra replied.
"I was angry at him at first, but then I started think about it. Then I thought that who else would want to have sex with Robert? No one! Then I became un-angry. Why would I want to castrate him:
"What's this castrate thing?" Marie asked. "It sounds so chic."
"Marie, it's not chic at all." Amy said.
"It's when you... Marie... um... slice and dice a man's... you know what..." Debra stumbled.
"Oh my! That's sounds so... why would anyone want to do such a thing?"
"Come on, we'll show you. Amy, you rented the movie?" Debra asked.
"I sure did. It's all set in the V.C.R."
"A v.c.r.? I didn't know we had one of those! What is it?" Marie asked as the three of them went into the living to watch the video.
2 HOURS LATER
"Oh my god!" Marie got up and ran out of the living room.
"You think she got the picture?" Debra asked.
"I think she got a very good picture." Debra and Amy went into the kitchen to talk to Marie.
"Why would anyone do that to their own husband?" Marie asked.
Frank stormed into the kitchen. As he was going into the living room he demanded, "Marie! Lunch!" Frank then sat down on the couch to watch television.
From the kitchen, the three of them heard Frank. "What the hell is this crap? 'Fatal Attraction'? I'm turning your sissy Lifetime movie crap off!"
"Oh yeah, I see what you mean." Marie told Debra and Amy.
"It even works on cheating husbands. Harriett Lictman?" Amy asked.
"Oh! Even better!" Marie got all excited.
Ray and Robert both entered the kitchen at the same time.
"Oh god!" Robert said after he saw Amy, Debra, and Marie.
"There's gonna be hell! Let's split!" Ray yelled. Ray and Robert tried to exit the kitchen.
"Hold it!" Debra yelled.
Ray and Robert stopped.
"Ray, come over here." Debra commanded.
"Well, good luck little brother. I'll be sure to pick out a nice coffin for ya." Robert tried to sidle his way out of the kitchen when Amy stopped him.
"Robert! You too!"
Ray and Robert went over to their wives. Expecting yelling and hitting, Ray and Robert were really surprised when Amy and Debra hugged them. Ray and Robert looked at each other in confusion. The hugging soon stopped.
"So, how was the dentist?" Debra asked Ray.
"It was... it was fine. They even gave me a bubble gum lollipop!" Ray showed the lollipop to Debra.
"That's great!" Debra patted Ray.
"I think I like the dentist." Ray smiled. "It didn't even hurt."
"See!"
"Listen Debra, I'm sorry for uh, taping your hands together inside oven mitts."
"I'm sorry too." Ray and Debra hugged.
"Amy, I'm sorry too. And I have never cheated on you and I slept in my car last night, not in any hotel room!"
"Oh Robert!" Amy and Robert hugged.
"This is so beautiful!" Marie started to cry.
The four stopped hugging again.
"You know what to do, right Marie?" Amy asked.
"I sure do!""
"Okay! Good luck! Come on boys, lets go!" The four left the house.
Marie went over to one of the kitchen drawers and pulled out a butcher knife.
"I wonder how Frank would like his boys done? Simmered in tomato sauce or put into a pie?"
Then she went into the living room. Marie stood in the living room with a stern face.
"Marie! Where's my lunch? I'm starving!"
Marie slowly took a few steps toward Frank.
"You wanna cheat on me with Harriett Lictman? Then so be it!" Marie came closer to Frank.
"Marie? What are you doing? Marie?"
Marie came closer to Frank.
"Marie! Marie!"
FADE TO BLACK.
"Marie? Marie? Holy crap! Marie! Get that freakin' thing away from me! MARIE!"
THE END
