So Chandler brought Joey to the emergency room, and he filled out all the forms. For now, he indicated that Joey had no insurance, and that Chandler would be paying the bill for his treatment.

While Joey was in surgery, Chandler waited around, and called Estelle to tell her why Joey wouldn't be able to make it to any of his auditions today, and possibly for the next month. (The doctor said it would take four to six weeks before Joey was fully recovered, or possibly less time, if he didn't strain himself by lifting weights.) Then Chandler called his office and said he had an emergency at the hospital because a "very close friend" was sick.

Finally, Joey was brought into a recovery room, and Chandler sat by his bed, relieved. "Don't you feel better now? I sure do."

Joey was a bit foggy because of the pain killers, but he pressed back on Chandler's hand.

Suddenly Monica burst into the room. "Phoebe told me everything! Are you nuts, Chandler?"

He hushed her and wished that Phoebe had let him explain things later. "Mon! I thought only family were allowed to come in here."

Family! "I said I was Joey's sister." She slugged Chandler with her purse. "I can't believe you really told that nurse that you were his husband! It's bad enough that strangers always ask me if my boyfriend is gay, but for you to actually claim that..."

Joey spoke somewhat slowly, "I'm--I'm sorry, Mon."

She sighed. "I'm not mad at you, Joey. Just him."

"But--"

She shook her head and patted Joey's hand. "This is between me and him. Just rest." She and Chandler retreated to a corner of the room and spoke with lowered voices.

"I'm sorry, Monica. I'm not doing this to hurt you; this is for Joey's sake."

"What about me? You're gonna postpone moving in with me? If we were getting married, would you postpone that too?"

Chandler said, "It's only an extra month. I wanna make sure that he's completely healed before I go. Come on, it's Joey. He's my best friend."

"Right! Not your husband!"

Chandler shrugged. "Tell that to the people who keep thinking we're a couple--even before I mention that my dad's gay, or that Joey and I are roommates."

"But Chandler--!" Monica stopped because a nurse entered to check in on Joey.

"You're the husband, I presume," the nurse spoke cheerfully and motioned for Chandler to come to the bed. "Let me go over some things with you two."

Chandler quickly sat and took Joey's hand again. "We're listening."

Monica folded her arms and looked exasperated.


In the waiting room, Phoebe sat wondering where Ross and Rachel were. She had called them after she finally found Monica and told her everything.

Just then, Ross and Rachel arrived, looking as if they'd just had a fight. As they sat down with Phoebe, Ross remarked, "Man, I can't believe Chandler would do something like this! It's crazy."

"Oh yeah?" Rachel asked. "Crazier than telling your Vegas wife that you got an annulment when you really didn't?"

"What!" Phoebe pretended to be shocked. "You and Ross are still married? Merciful heavens!"

Ross glared at her. "I already told Rachel that you knew."

"Oh." Phoebe shrank away with guilt. "Well, um, at least I didn't keep Chandler's secret to myself, huh?"

Rachel nodded and realized something. "Hey, wait, what if Monica breaks up with Chandler about this, or at least doesn't let him move in? This means I don't have to move out, which is great, considering that this liar was going to be my roommate!" She hit Ross.

Bored of Ross and Rachel's antics, Phoebe was impatient to know how Monica's argument with Chandler was going. So she got up and asked the admitting nurse again, "Please, can we go see Joey yet? You said the operation was over. We're his best friends."

The nurse shrugged and let them go.


With the nurse gone, Monica tried to resume her argument with Chandler, but then Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe arrived at the door.

Chandler welcomed them inside. "Hi! Come in. Look, Joe, it's everybody."

The three friends gathered around Joey's bed, murmuring, "Hi" and "How are you?"

Joey responded vaguely, but still looked at Monica and Chandler with worry.

Chandler chatted happily. "He's doing great. The nurse said he should be up and walking by tomorrow. Just short walks around the room, and to the bathroom. So apparently, he doesn't get any sponge baths--"

"Chandler!" Monica had enough of his preoccupation with Joey. "We're not done talking yet. Get over here!"

Leaving the others to keep Joey company, Monica and Chandler exited to the hallway.

Chandler said, "Mon, you should have seen how bad he was before. Did you want me to let his pride stand in the way of getting him to a doctor?"

"No, but you could have tricked him into going to the hospital. You could have asked his parents to help out. You could have called me and asked my opinion. But no, you had to go make up this whole stupid lie and repeat it to strangers!"

"I'm sorry, it was an emergency and maybe I didn't think it through--"

"You're damn right! I mean, besides how upset you're making me, Chandler, this--" she made sure that no hospital staff were nearby and whispered, "this is insurance fraud. Rachel and I tried switching identities once so that she could use my insurance, but we almost got caught and had to back out. Trust me, this will never work."

"Well, we're not switching identities, Monica. We're just... fibbing about what we do in the bedroom."

She sighed and felt a headache coming on. "Just tell me you didn't actually start any paperwork at your company!"

"No, not yet. I figure I'll come in and speak to someone in Human Resources about health benefits for him. If I can't get the insurance to pay for this operation, at least I can maybe get some time off work so I can take care of Joey at home."

"What! First you won't move in with me, now you're taking time off from your job? Why? He'll be walking around soon."

"Exactly! Without supervision, he might try too much too fast and strain himself again. I mean, this is Joey, who dislocated his arm jumping up and down on the bed, who invented Fireball and Hammer Darts..."

"All right!" she conceded. "But between the six of us, we can check on him during the day."

"No, everybody's busy! Even Ross has a job now. Besides, I'll worry about Joey all the time, so I won't be able to focus on work anyway."

"What about getting an at-home nurse?" Off Chandler's look, she rolled her eyes. "A male nurse, then, so it won't turn into a sex marathon and another trip to the emergency room."

"No, I'd still worry, and anyway, I can't afford a nurse if I'm footing this bill."

"Well, did they give you any idea how much all this is gonna cost?"

Chandler nodded and whispered a number in her ear.

"What!" She even startled Phoebe, who was eavesdropping at the door. Monica sighed and pulled Chandler further away from the door. "How can you even pay that, Chandler?"

"I'll make installments, or I'll get a loan at the bank. Don't worry, it's just like that time I cleaned out my savings to refurnish the apartment. Trust me, I'll be financially sound again."

Monica was skeptical, but grudgingly offered, "Maybe I can help pay. I can get some emergency cash together. The others could chip in too."

"Then Joey will feel bad about owing all of us money."

"He won't owe us. It'll be--"

"A gift? Yeah, I tried that with him too. This is the only thing that worked."

"Fine, then it'll be a secret. He doesn't have to know that we're all helping him."

Chandler shrugged. "Can you promise that blabbermouth Phoebe won't spill the beans?"

"Hey, Phoebe was completely right to tell me--!"

Just then, Phoebe came out of the recovery room. "Hey, um, Joey keeps asking us whether you two are okay. He's worried that you're fighting about him. Can you just, um, go in and pretend to be happy with each other, for his sake?"

Chandler returned to the room and rushed back to soothe Joey. "Hey, Joe, it's all right. It really is."

What a lie! Monica just stood there and forced a smile.

"You just relax and get well," Chandler hugged him.