JENNIE
Growing up, my sister and I never really went without. We grew up on acres of southern land in a house that was bigger than it needed to be. Daddy never really cared about having a home that size, but Mama felt they deserved it. As if God put the money in their hands, and they did enough for the community, therefore they were allowed to swim in God's blessings.
Mama was right about one thing—Daddy did deserve it. He worked hard to get to the position he was at, and he never took that for granted. He believed in the church more than anyone I ever knew, and for every acre of land he owned, he gave back to the community.
My sister and I had a certain role to play as pastor's children. Mama always taught Yeri and me that we had to act a certain way throughout all our lives. The Kim girls were always supposed to be proper, prose, and beautiful. Not just an outer beauty, but we were to hold beautiful spirits, too.
For the most part, we took those roles very seriously. People looked up to our family, which meant we had to create a world worth looking up to. We were blessed, which meant that we had to be other's blessings.
That meant we always had to be perfect in public. There was no place for flaws. So, whenever we faltered…whenever the world hit us, and we'd stumble, my sister and I fell against one another.
I knocked on Yeri's front door, and the second she opened it, her eyes filled with tears.
"Oh my gosh, Jennie! What's wrong?! What's going on?" she asked, but she didn't wait for a reply before wrapping me into her arms.
I began sobbing uncontrollably onto my baby sister's shoulder as she gently rubbed my back.
"Can I stay with you and Lucas?" I choked out, unable to say anything else at all, but that seemed like more than enough for Yeri.
"Always, Jennie," she whispered, pulling me closer to her body. "Always and always."
I told her and Lucas everything. The words poured out of me, and truthfully, so many of them were hard for me to believe. It all felt like a nightmare that I simply couldn't wake from.
As we sat on the living room couch, Lucas kept refilling Yeri's and my wineglasses. Lucas was such a gentle man. I'd never once heard him raise his voice, and he never saw the bad in anyone.
Even when Yeri and I slipped into our gossipy nature, Lucas never spoke a word about a soul. His main goals in life were living it to the fullest and taking care of his love. And boy, did he love my sister. There were so many times I'd catch him staring at her when she wasn't looking, and it would give me butterflies.
"I'm so sorry, Jennie," Lucas told me, giving me a slight frown. "I can't believe he'd do that to you. I can't believe they'd both do that. I just…I can't believe it." He appeared stunned. Taehyung was one of his closest friends, and he just kept saying he couldn't believe it could happen.
Me either.
We stayed talking for a while, and when the doorbell rang, Yeri hopped up to answer it.
I turned to face Lucas and crossed my arms. "Lucas, can I ask you something?"
"I didn't know, Jennie," he said as if he could read my mind. "I had no clue about Taehyung and the cheating, and if I'd known, I would've told you. I understand why you think I wouldn't, seeing how he's my friend, but you're family, Jennie. I swear on my grandfather's grave, I would've told you. And truthfully, it's hard for me to even realize who Taehyung is anymore, or how he could do this to you."
I lowered my head and stared at their carpeted floor. "Thank you, Lucas."
"Always and always," he replied, stating my family's favorite phrase. Those were the words my family had always exchanged with one another since the beginning of time. Always and always. It was a promise that no matter what, we'd stand by one another—through the good days and the bad.
Every time I heard the words, I felt less alone.
"You have some nerve showing up here!" Yeri barked, making both Lucas and me jump up from the couch. Yeri never raised her voice—ever.
"I'm sorry, Yeri. It's just…"
My skin began to crawl as I heard Taehyung's voice. "Is Jennie here?"
"That's none of your business," Yeri snapped again. "You should go."
Oh, sister, I love you.
"Yeah, of course, it's just…" He paused, and I heard something moving. "She left her suitcases at Rosé's place."
It was painful when hearts stopped beating.
I listened to Rosé pulling the suitcases into the house. "Fine. Now leave."
He didn't say another word, and I was certain he was walking back to go find Rosé.
"And Taehyung Kim?" Yeri said. That was how you knew my sister was serious—when she used a person's whole name.
"Yes?"
"You should be ashamed of yourself. Both of you."
"Is she okay?" he asked, and it almost sounded as if he cared.
"She will be," she swore. "Because she's strong. She's stronger than any betrayal you could've ever brought to her doorstep."
Then the front door slammed.
It slammed.
Yeri Rae never slammed doors.
As she rounded the corner, her eyes locked with mine. We could've easily been twins, she and I. She always said I had Dad's crystal blue eyes, and I always said she had those bluest of blues. We smiled the same too, a bit of a lopsided grin to the left side. Our hair was long and naturally black. Mama would've killed us if we ever dyed it—because one didn't mess with God's creation. Also, our hearts kind of beat in the same rhythmic pattern.
If sisters were soul mates, Yeri would be mine.
"So," she breathed out, giving me a gentle smile. "How about some more wine?"
I hadn't slept a wink the prior evening. The next morning, the sun came up, and I watched it rise with a cup of coffee in my hands. I stood on the back porch, feeling the warmth against my skin. It amazed me how hollow I could feel, watching the morning light fill the sky. Dad used to always tell my sister and me that the morning sun was Jesus' kisses against our skin.
As a kid, I never mentioned the scientific truths I learned at school about the sun rising and setting because it wasn't really my place. Sometimes, people needed to believe what they needed to believe to get through each day.
That morning, I needed to believe in the kisses.
"You're up too early." Yeri yawned, walking out of the house still in her pajamas.
"Just wanted to feel Jesus' kisses," I joked, taking a deep breath of the crisp morning air.
She walked over to me, took my cup of coffee, and sipped it. "How did you sleep?"
"I didn't."
"Makes sense. I didn't sleep at all either. It took everything for me not to go into your room and check on you. I've been so worried."
"I'll be fine," I said even though I wasn't certain I'd be okay, but I had faith. At least enough to get me to every next breath. "Everything always works out, right? Don't worry about me."
"You're my sister, my heart, Jennie. I'm always going to worry about you."
I believed her. The same way she worried about me was the same way I worried for her.
"I just wish I could do something for you. I wish I could take away all your hurting. I'm just really sorry," she told me, so truly sincere, "for what they did to you."
We stood there staring out into the morning light, and as my hand rested on the porch railing, my sister placed her hand on top of mine. I didn't know why, but her gentle touch made tears fall from my eyes as we stared out at the waking sun. For a moment in time, I felt less alone. Maybe that was the whole point of family—to make you feel less alone in a lonesome world. Sometimes, family got it wrong; sometimes, they said and did the wrong things because they were, after all, only human. Yet then there were those moments when they were right on time with their sparks of love.
Home is healing.
"Did you bring clothes for church service?" Yeri asked, yawning again. "Or do you want to borrow some of mine?"
"I don't think I'm gonna go. I'm not really in the small-town church mood today."
Yeri laughed, tossing her head back, and then when she stopped giggling, she looked at me and her jaw dropped. "Wait, you're serious?"
"Yeah, I am."
"Jennie. You're the daughter of the pastor, and you're back in Chester. Everybody already knows you're back. Do you know what it would do to Mama if you didn't show up? She'd have a heart attack."
"Mama will be okay," I lied. I knew she wouldn't.
Yeri cocked an eyebrow. "I can already hear Mrs. Grove badgering Mama with questions of why you weren't at service, which would lead to Mama badgering you. Do you really want to deal with that?"
I sighed. I didn't, but I wasn't certain I was ready to talk to anyone, really. I hadn't even been able to look in the mirror without tearing up. Plus, I'd already been receiving text messages from the townsfolk who saw me at my lowest of lows with Lisa yesterday. They kept asking if I was okay, and it was all so much. The idea of facing the whole church seemed so unbelievably overwhelming.
Yeri must've noticed my hesitation because she squeezed my hand. "Don't worry about it. Mama can be a bit peeved for a minute, but that's nothing new. The most important thing right now is taking care of you and that heart of yours, okay? I'll cover for you and tell everyone you weren't feeling well."
I laughed. "You'd lie in the church for me?"
"I'd do anything for you, Jennie. Anything."
"Even help me hide a dead body?" I joked.
"Only if it's Taehyung'," she replied.
That made me smile, but then I felt guilty for thinking about Taehyung being dead.
It was sometimes hard to be God's follower when the Devil's whisperings sounded more satisfying.
We went back to staring at the horizon, and every now and then, I took a few small breaths.
