When the hospital released Joey, Chandler eagerly came to pick him up. He got Joey and Hugsy into a cab and, after stopping at a pharmacy for Joey's medication, Chandler brought them home.

The chick and the duck greeted Joey excitedly, but Chandler stopped Joey from bending over to pet them. "Why don't you sit down first?"

So Joey sat on his leather recliner and pet the birds, while Chandler put Hugsy back into Joey's bedroom. When Chandler returned, Joey asked, "Is Monica still mad?"

"Don't worry about that. She'll cool down. Oh, and these are the forms you need to sign."

"Okay." Joey signed them. "When will the insurance pay you back?"

"Soon. You just get better. You had me so worried, you know?"

That evening, the gang came over and brought enough food for a big dinner. They welcomed Joey back and hung around watching TV and talking. Joey even lifted up his shirt to show them the scar on his abdomen.

Monica still occasionally glared at Chandler in annoyance, but she didn't want to spoil the night by openly fighting.


The next day, Joey and Chandler played darts (regular, not Hammer), and someone knocked on the door. Chandler answered it and was surprised to see Carol and Susan there, looking furious.

Susan pushed their way into the apartment, and Joey turned around from the dartboard.

"What's going on?" he asked, and Chandler looked confused too.

Carol was spitting mad. "Monica told us what you idiots are doing! It's not only insurance fraud, it's an outrage!"

Susan put her hands on her hips. "Yes, it's so insulting and unfair! People in the gay community have worked long and hard to get any acknowledgment or fair treatment for our relationships. Now you just waltz in and steal it away from us."

"I'm sorry," Chandler said, shooing their pet birds into another room and closing the door. "What was I supposed to do? I didn't want him to collapse somewhere and die."

"We know, we know!" Carol sighed. "We like Joey too. But you should just do what you always do, Chandler. Be his sugar daddy. Shell out the cash and don't expect to be paid back."

"Not with money," Susan chuckled wickedly.

Joey blinked, and Chandler stammered, "S-sugar daddy?" He never thought of himself that way before. He often did pay all of Joey's bills, but not for sex. Choosing to gloss over the snide remark, Chandler cleared his throat and shrugged. "I-I already tried that, Carol. He wouldn't take my money anymore. Right, Joe?"

Joey nodded. "Yeah, I already owe him so much, and now he's moving in with Monica--"

"Not anymore, according to what we heard!" Susan scoffed.

"That's just temporary--" Chandler said.

"Never mind about that!" Carol interrupted. "We're here to talk about your fraud. We're going to report you to your company."

"What? No!"

"Yes! You can't just take advantage of these domestic partner benefits. What about the other deserving people in your company? What about all the people working at companies that aren't gay friendly?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Chandler pleaded. "Can't we work this out somehow?"

"Yeah," Joey agreed. "I'll do some favors for you, or--oh, Susan, you're a photographer, right? You need any new models for a shoot?"

"Please!" she dismissed him.

"How about the chick and the duck for a nature shot?"

Susan grabbed the darts still in Joey's hand and threw them fiercely into the dartboard. "Be glad that I don't dart you guys right now!"

Chandler cringed and said, "Well, what exactly do you want me to do? Just back out now? After all that paperwork, how's it gonna look?"

"We don't care!" Susan shouted. "You should have thought of that before you started this."

Joey looked guilty and whispered to Chandler sadly, "I'm sorry for this whole mess."

"No, Joe!" Chandler shook his head and hugged him. "It's not your fault, it's mine. I was stupid because I was so worried about you, you know? I'm sorry."

Carol and Susan exchanged a glance, then Susan said spitefully, "That's right, boys! Get used to it! In prison you can really be a couple."

Chandler resented that. "Hey, that's not funny! Why punish Joey, anyway? He didn't lose his insurance on purpose, and he's trying to recover from an hernia operation."

"Sure, but no one forced him to go along with your ridiculous fraud! You--!"

"Susan!" Carol restrained her wife and pulled her away to talk. "We agreed not to bring the police into this." She didn't really want to send them to prison, just get Chandler fired or something.

Not hearing Carol and Susan's argumentative whispers, the guys remained a bit freaked out about prison.

Joey asked worriedly, "Who will take care of the chick and the duck?"

"You will!" Chandler answered. "I'll get a good lawyer, and we'll figure out some way to keep you out of this. Like, we'll say you were delirious from pain medication--"

"No, no!" Joey protested. "I won't let you go to prison alone. You know what they'll do to you?" He held Chandler's arms protectively.

Chandler could indeed imagine, but he tried to be brave and optimistic. "It's a first time offense. Maybe I'll get probation--"

The guys kept arguing with each other, and the women watched them with fascination.

Susan whispered, "Are they acting like that on purpose?"

Carol was also puzzled. "I don't think so. Joey's a bad actor, remember? And Chandler--I don't know, he's always been a bit of a question mark."

Susan looked pensive. "Hmm, even if we report them for fraud, and someone investigates, those two might put on a convincing show anyway."

"Then what do we do?"

Susan smiled wickedly. "We'll teach them a lesson!" She told Carol her plan and they laughed hysterically.