Joey and Chandler were still arguing when Carol and Susan returned to speak to them.

"Ahem," Susan got their attention. "We have decided not to report you for fraud."

"Really?" Joey asked.

Chandler smiled. "Oh, thank you! I--"

Susan interrupted. "Wait! You still have to be punished! We're gonna make you walk a mile in our shoes."

"What?" Chandler looked at their feet and joked, "Those pumps will never fit me."

Carol rolled her eyes. "She means that you have to experience how tough it would be if you really were a gay couple. You can't just pretend that you're married on a bunch of forms at work. You have to keep up the pretense everywhere else too. If you're gonna be married, then you have to wear wedding rings, and kiss each other, and not sleep with women. We don't wanna see Joey come near a woman for a month, and the same goes for Chandler. If Monica somehow manages to forgive you in the next month, you still can't go running to her for sex."

"Whoa!" Joey said.

Chandler asked, "Isn't that a little harsh?"

"Is it!" Susan looked threatening again. "You wanna go back to the prison option?"

"No, no, no!" Chandler backed off.

"Good!" Susan continued with the list, "We're gonna have you reading books and watching movies on important gay and lesbian issues. We'll take you out to restaurants where the people will stare at you all night."

Carol nodded. "We'd take you to gay bars too, but we're not sure that fits with the whole you being committed partners thing. Unless you were interested in spicing up your marriage with a little threesome or something." She giggled.

Susan got an idea. "Oh, we can have a party instead! We'll invite some of our friends over here to celebrate your coming out! Yeah, we'll get them to tell you stories about all the discrimination and crap they face every day. A few of them even had to nurse their partners through illnesses, with very little support."

Carol thought the party was a superb idea, and already had ideas for guests.

Joey asked, "Wait, you're not gonna bring my parents in on this month-long torture, are you? They'll be upset, even if we say it's a joke."

Carol shook her head. "No, we won't go that far, Joey. Believe me, I know how parents can be. We're just gonna make a lasting impression on you guys so that you'll never, never be tempted to do stupid stuff like this again."

"Wait!" Chandler said. "Are there any other lines you won't cross? Can we suggest some boundaries?"

Susan folded her arms. "Like what?"

"Well, if we can't have sex, can we watch porn?"

"No!" Susan replied immediately.

"Lesbian porn?" Joey asked.

Susan repeated. "No! God forbid you get any kicks out of this. If you need sex, you're doing it by yourselves, fantasizing about whatever sick things you like." She went over to confiscate their porn from the entertainment center.

Chandler protested, "Hey! Come on, if we were a gay married couple, we'd be having real sex, and enjoying it."

Carol nodded. "Yes, but you wouldn't be watching porn with women in it. Not unless you were bisexual."

"Why can't we be that, then?"

"Because we said so!" Susan responded. "You are in a committed gay marriage, and you have just come out to all your friends, and even the people running the health plan at Chandler's company. So now you are shedding all the traces of your old, closeted lives, including these videos." She turned to her wife. "Where should we dump these? We can't take them home where Ben might see them."

Carol nodded. "Maybe Ross can keep them, just as long as he hides them well."

Susan questioned, "Are you sure that these guys won't be able to plead with Ross to give the porn back?"

"Oh, right. I know, we'll give them to Monica to hide. No one's ever found her Christmas present hiding place in all these years."

Joey looked hopeless, and Chandler groaned. "So, do we not get any say?"

Susan replied, "That's why we have the upper hand in this blackmail! Come on, we're not making you sleep in the same bed or anything. We're not making you have a wedding and register to be domestic partners in the state of New York, like we did."

Carol agreed. "And we're not involving any of your parents, even though Chandler's dad sounds like he'd get a hoot out of this!"

Chandler pouted.

Carol stopped teasing. "All right, all right. We've got to go explain things to Monica and give her these videos to store."

At the door, Susan turned back to look at the guys. "Oh, and boys, go out and buy wedding rings sometime today. If the jewelry store doesn't have a month-long return policy, you can always pawn the rings for cash later. Bye-bye."

Chandler looked at Joey and felt so guilty. "I'm sorry, Joe. I'm so sorry."

Joey went to him and hugged him again. "I know you meant well, Chandler. Maybe I shouldn't have been so stubborn about not accepting the money from you. You know, 'a going away present' before you move in with Monica?"

Chandler nodded and exhaled sadly. Apparently, being considered Joey's "sugar daddy" was better than any other options.