The next day, everyone learned that Ross and Rachel were divorcing instead of annulling.

Monica and Rachel discussed whether men were really worth all the trouble. "Even if they seem nice and sweet, all of the sudden they can act like insensitive jerks!"

"You're telling me," Rachel said. "Ross's crazy jealousy over Mark just came out of nowhere for me, and then he slept with that copy place girl!"

"Have you ever forgiven him for that? You've done some stupid stuff out of jealousy too, like getting Bonnie to shave her head."

"I know, I know! And I tried to ruin his wedding with Emily by telling him I love him, but then he ruined it himself by saying my name at the altar. Plus, um, I was the one who drunkenly suggested that we get married in Vegas."

"Wow! I didn't know that. Boy, you guys are really messed up." Monica looked a bit worried. "You don't think me and Chandler will end up like you, will we? He's not gonna find some girl and cheat on me?"

"No, no! Of course not. All of us, and Carol and Susan, will be watching them like hawks to make sure they don't even flirt with any women for a month. Believe me, Chandler will learn to appreciate you like crazy."

Monica smiled. "He better!" But then she gasped. "Oh, wait! What am I gonna do for a month?"

Rachel thought quickly. "I know! I'll lend you my erotic novels, and um, my vibrator."

Monica laughed and said, "I hope that will be enough, because I really don't want to sneak over there to Chandler and have him think I'm forgiving him, when all I want is to get into his pants."


Carrying a heavy bookbag with them, Carol and Susan arrived to approve the wedding rings.

"Very nice! Now make sure you don't take these off for the whole month. Besides your four friends, you don't know who else we'll send to check up on you."

Carol said, "Oh, and Monica tells me that you're short on cash lately. Maybe after the month is over, we'll buy the rings from you and keep them as souvenirs."

Susan agreed with a laugh. "Yeah, we'll make a scrapbook and show it to all our friends! 'Ways to torture hetero creeps!'"

Joey objected, "Hey, we're not creeps! We're nice to you guys, and lots of times, people mistake us for a gay couple, and they treat us weird--"

"Oh, no, no!" Susan cut him off. "Don't even start that! Sure, you two may have had a few awkward moments sometimes, but that does not compare to being hassled by strangers, co-workers, people you thought were your friends, and even your family, because you're supposedly abnormal and immoral!"

Chandler came to Joey's rescue. "Yes, yes, we understand that! We have not even begun to suffer! But all Joey was trying to say was, we see where you're coming from, and we're not some Bible-thumping homophobes, okay?"

Susan calmed down, with difficulty.

Carol sighed and nodded diplomatically. "You know, through all the trouble of divorcing Ross, having Ben, and us getting married, it was really great that you guys were nice and supportive; I thought, as Ross's friends, you might gang up to hate our guts and make us feel like scum. But you didn't, and that's why we like you guys, despite everything. I mean, yes, you can understand our world a little bit, but you obviously don't understand it enough, or you wouldn't have done this stupid fraud. That's why we have to punish you. Get it?"

Joey and Chandler nodded and looked dejected. "We get it."

"All right. So, the next thing we want you guys to do is read some books."

Susan got the books out of her bag. They were a handful of thick books on gay and lesbian culture, gay history back to ancient times, and the struggle for gay rights.

Joey groaned and hid behind Chandler. "I can't read those. I-I, um, have to get exercise and move around as much as possible. Tell 'em, Chandler!"

"That's right, that's what the doctor said."

"Those are just Chandler's books," Susan smiled. "These are yours, Joey." She got out a general guide to gays, lesbians, etc., then a few biographies and novels intended for teenagers. The biographies were of famous people in history, while the novels featured gay/lesbian characters, or addressed themes of sexuality and tolerance.

Chandler resented that he should have to wade through dense tomes, while Joey at least would get pictures and maybe interesting stories.

Relieved, Joey felt that he could certainly handle his books, because he after all had read The Shining and Little Women. He just wasn't used to reading so many books, though, and most of the time he settled for magazines and called them books.

"We have to read all of these?" Chandler sighed.

"Yes," Carol said. "You have the whole month to read them all. You can read them in any order, or skim them all at once. It doesn't matter. Take notes if you want to, to keep track of them all. It'll be like college, huh?"

Susan said, "At the end of the month, you'll give all the books back to us and we'll ask you random questions about them. Then you'll each tell us in your own words what you learned from the books."

Chandler sighed. "At least I don't have to write a book report with footnotes!"

Susan patted his shoulder. "That's it, Chandler! Look on the bright side."

"You've read all these yourselves?" Chandler asked.

"Yes!" Carol answered. "I teach the sixth grade, remember? I try to include all kinds of books on my reading lists, and Joey's books come from that list, or from lists that weren't approved by the school."

Susan nodded. "And the rest of the books are what Carol and I have read together, for ourselves. They're not as boring as they look, Chandler."

"Enough homework!" Carol said with a laugh. "You guys have to kiss now."

"Kiss?" Chandler asked.

"And no arguments! We know that you guys kissed once at New Year's, because Ross showed us the picture."

"Fine." Chandler went over and kissed Joey on the lips. Now that they'd done this a couple of times, he realized it wasn't that big of a deal.

Carol and Susan were surprised, and they exchanged glances again.

"All--all right," Susan said. "Well, now you guys have to do that on a regular basis. As often as you would with a girlfriend. We'd say a wife, but neither of you have been married yet."

"Okay," Chandler shrugged casually and kissed Joey again.

Joey smiled and realized that Chandler was having fun with them. He kissed Chandler back.

Carol stared at them. "O-kay. Um, you also have to practice more passionate kisses. It can't always just be an innocent peck, because you guys are supposed to be married. Granted, the passion might have died down a bit, depending on how long you've been together, but you need to look like you're still in love."

"Oh." Chandler didn't look so smug anymore.

Finally, a reaction that she expected! Carol said, "Don't worry, you can have the rest of the week to work that out, you know?"

"Um, thank you."

"All right, that's all we planned for today. Happy reading--and kissing." The wives waved goodbye and left.

Joey pulled Chandler close to him. "You wanna practice kissing first?"

Chandler frowned. "N-not yet."

Joey saw that he was making Chandler nervous. "I'm sorry. It's just, I wanted to put off reading. Besides, I know how to kiss, and I've kissed guys before."

"You have?" Chandler looked confused.

"Yeah, when I auditioned for gay parts. And remember, you told me that girl I dated with an Adam's apple wasn't really a girl."

"Oh, right."

"But if you want to just read--"

"No, wait. I guess, um, you could kiss me once now. We can practice more the rest of the week, you know?"

Joey agreed and leaned in for a kiss, but Chandler flinched. "Close your eyes," Joey told him, "and pretend I'm Monica." Chandler did so, and Joey slowly approached again. Then he kissed Chandler and didn't let him break away this time. The kiss was awkward at first, but Joey took firm control, and made it better. Almost like a regular, non-gay kiss.

Afterward, Chandler breathlessly stepped away and swallowed. "Well, um, better--better read now."