Seams a Rippin'
(Place: You Got Some Money Apartments; Cortana's Apartment, number 17)
"DAMMIT MAN!"
The pissed off voice of Cortana echoes through her large studio apartment, startling Shanisha out of her catnap.
"What are you yelling about?" Shanisha asks sleepily.
"My dress! The entire right seam on my dress completely burst open!"
Shanisha quickly gets off of the pink plush couch to see about her best friend's wedding gown. To her surprise, the entire left side of the gown is exposing Cortana's underwear.
"Oh you have GOT to be fucking kidding me," Shanisha says without emotion. "Just how much weight have you been puttin' on?"
"I don't know," Cortana says nervously. "I really have no idea." (Knowing damn well she does)
She steps on the holo-scale, and the results are shocking.
"160 POUNDS! Are you serious? You brainless scale, I oughta—"
Cortana raises a hairbrush over her head. Shanisha stops her from beating the scale senseless.
"Don't beat up the scale. You remember the last time you beat up the scale: springs and computer chips everywhere."
"Oh…that's right," Cortana's voice goes whiny. "But look at my dress! I can hardly fit it! What am I gonna tell John?"
Shanisha notices a little pudge on her best friend's abdomen.
"Turn a little to the right."
Cortana turns slightly to the right. Shanisha's eyes widen in surprise.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Tell you what?"
"That you have a bun in the oven?"
Cortana's voice goes embarrassed.
"Cause…um…I wanted it to be a surprise?"
"A surprise?" Shanisha asked excitedly. "And you were gonna wear white?"
Her cheeks go red with embarrassment.
"Well…maybe. Why not white?"
Shanisha folds her arms and gives Cortana the 'you got nerve wearing white' look.
"It's about time you tell Johnny-Boy about your future baby boy or girl or twins or triplets or quadruplets or quintuplets or---"
Cortana cuts her off.
"I get the picture, Shanisha. Just do one thing."
"What's that?"
"Don't say 'quintuplets' again. That gives me the willies."
Shanisha smiles brightly, trying to hold in a laugh.
(Snicker snicker) "Okay," (snicker snicker) "I'll try not to say that again."
Just when Cortana closes the bathroom door to change her clothes, Shanisha says this as loudly as she can:
"QUINTUPLETS!"
Cortana opens the bathroom door again and chucks a bar of Whale Oil of Olay at her.
"HA! You missed!" Shanisha laughs.
This time, she throws the holo-scale at her, not missing at all. Little Drones, scales, and birds float around her head, making birdie sounds.
Shanisha puts her hand on her head.
"Ohhhh, that's gonna leave a mark," she says, sounding like an inebriated person.
"See what happens when you talk about multiple births?" Cortana says to Shanisha. She walks away into her room and out of the blue, Smokey from Friday stands over her and yells:
"You got knocked the fuck out!"
Keep a lookout for part seven: The SHOCK of a Lifetime!
