Sprawled on each of their leather recliners, Joey and Chandler read their respective books.

Chandler skipped around haphazardly among his books, trying to find interesting parts. The books had indexes in the back, so he was able to look up names and places that he wanted to read about. He had to admit, some of the books were enjoyable, and he liked exploring the various bookmarks and dog-eared pages that Carol and Susan had left in each book. They might be clues to the questions they would ask him at the end of the month.

Joey went through one book at a time, and kept bothering Chandler when he came across a difficult word.

Chandler asked, "Didn't I give you the dictionary?"

"Yeah, but sometimes you explain things clearer than the dictionary."

"All right." So Chandler helped him, and was amazed that Joey had covered a few chapters already. Carol had chosen the books well.

Finally they took a break from reading to play with their pets and throw around a ball. Then they had lunch and went downstairs to the coffeehouse.

The gang were already there, and made room on the couch. "How are the newlyweds today?" Phoebe laughed.

Chandler rolled his eyes and glanced at Monica, who ignored him and talked to Rachel.

Ross smiled. "Wow, you actually got rings! Where are you going for your honeymoon?" he teased.

Chandler struck back. "I don't know. Same place as Dr. and Mrs. Geller, I guess."

Chastened, Ross sat back and sulked about his three failed marriages.

Phoebe remained mischievous. "So, um, any hanky-panky take place yet?"

Joey answered, "No. Hopefully, Carol and Susan are not gonna make us do anything like that."

Chandler frowned. "Of course not! I mean, they wouldn't ask that, would they? A little kissing I can do, but sex--" He shuddered and made one of his Chandler noises.

"Hey!" Phoebe protested. "You could do a lot worse than Joey Tribbiani!"

Joey also looked offended. "What, am I not good enough for you, Chandler? Is that what you're saying?"

"No! I just--" He leaned closer to Joey and reminded him, "I'm just not gay, remember?" It was strange to find himself whispering that part.

"I know! It's just, well..." Joey whispered back, "I always thought that if you were gay, you'd want me."

There was dead silence among the six friends.

Chandler blushed and stammered, "W-well, if I were gay, then sure. You're a hot guy, Joey. I'm--I'm the luckiest pretend gay husband in New York."

Joey smiled and kissed Chandler lightly again. Their other friends giggled and teased them even more.

Gunther saw all this from the counter, but he had also witnessed the other scene when Chandler openly talked about pretending to be married to Joey. Seeing the guys sit close together, and whisper, and kiss, made Gunther question whether this was an actual insurance fraud or not. It was none of his business, anyway, and he was more interested in the fact that Rachel was talking to Monica about getting a divorce from Ross. Soon Rachel would be single again. Now, if only she would look at Gunther the way that Joey and Chandler looked at each other.


Leaving the coffeehouse, Joey and Chandler went for a walk, and Chandler asked Joey, "Do you, do you often think about me being gay?"

"Of course. I mean, you're my roommate, and you have that 'quality' that makes everybody think that you're gay. I know that you sleep with girls, but I thought you might be closeted, like when your dad was married to your mom, or Carol was married to Ross."

"When did you realize I was straight, then?"

Joey shrugged. "I guess after you slept with Monica."

"What! It took me that long to convince you?"

"It's just, I thought maybe you didn't come onto me because of our friendship, but then I saw you were willing to sleep with Monica despite friendship, so I figured, you definitely had to be straight."

"Because I would have come onto you otherwise?"

Joey nodded. He was starting to tire of the walk, though, and sat down on the some steps outside a building.

Chandler sat with him. "You're all right?"

"Yeah. I was hoping I'd be ready to go back to work soon, but I guess I gotta give it a little more time."

"Don't rush yourself. Like the doctor said, it might be a month before you're back to normal."

"I know, but I'm not gonna be lifting weights or anything at my auditions. I'm an actor, not a furniture mover or whatever."

"Yeah, but give it a week at least. Just relax for a while."

"Okay."

They sat there, watching people pass by. When Joey still didn't feel up to walking all the way back, Chandler hailed a cab for them, and they went home.


They returned to reading for a while, then watched TV and played more games. It was weird being all alone together, while all their other friends were at work. Then Chandler got the idea to go to Monica's apartment and search for the porn.

With their birds tagging along, the guys searched the living room and bedrooms, finding nothing but lacy underwear. Joey wanted to keep a few souvenirs, but Chandler made him put the underwear back. "They'll know we were here if we keep stuff."

The guys even searched the kitchen and bathroom, still coming up empty.

"Hey, do you think she put the porn in this closet?" Chandler tried the door at the end of the hall. "It's locked. It must be in here."

"Well, how do we open it?" Joey asked. "I don't think I can break it down like I did with the front door." (After agreeing to let Chandler move in with her, Monica had locked her front door so that Chandler could christen the key to the apartment. However, the key broke in the lock, and Joey had to come to the rescue.)

"No, no, definitely don't do that, Joe. Oh, I know!" Chandler returned to the kitchen and rummaged around in the same place that Monica kept the key to the apartment. "Damn, there's lots of keys. I don't know which one it is."

"Let's try them all."

Chandler shrugged. "Yeah, I guess we have time." They returned to the locked closet and tried the keys one by one. One key finally fit into the lock, but it got stuck and broke off. "Damn it! Now she'll know that we tried to open the door."

"Well, she's mad at you about lots of stuff lately, so I'm guessing one broken key won't matter much."

Chandler sighed in defeat and put the rest of the keys back. "Let's go. I think we should lock our door and hide."

Joey and Chandler returned to reading, until they were tired enough to fall asleep in their leather recliners. They woke up later to have dinner and play with their pets, but otherwise their night was uneventful until they went to bed.

"Goodnight," Joey said and kissed Chandler's lips again. Then he went into his bedroom to sleep.

Chandler went to his own bed too. But that night he dreamed about having sex with Joey and woke up suddenly, his heart racing and his body aroused. He told himself it didn't mean anything, though, and rolled over to return to sleep.