Carol and Susan had plenty of tasks for Joey and Chandler to perform, many of which involved being in a public place and enduring homophobic reactions from people. Other tasks could be done at home, such as reading the books or watching important gay/lesbian movies. Because Carol and Susan didn't have time to personally come visit every day, they carefully alternated the public tasks, which they wanted to be there for, with the private tasks that the guys could perform with the supervision of Monica and the rest.

"You have to hold hands now," Carol would say over the phone one day. "Whenever you walk together. Or else you have to link your arms."

"You have to take Ben to the zoo," Susan would say another day. "We'll walk at a distance behind you guys, but you two have to act like Ben is your son. We'll explain to Ben that it's just pretend, like when he was going to act in the soup commercial, and he'll call you his daddies."

Joey shrugged. "Okay, it'll be like babysitting. We've done that before."

"I'll say!" Carol rolled her eyes. "You left our baby on the bus. That's why we're not gonna let you out of our sights."

Susan nodded. "And no trying to pick up women with Ben. You are gay! Gay and married. Understand?"

They nodded.

It was a pretty fun day at the zoo. Joey enjoyed seeing the animals almost as much as Ben did, and Chandler often laughed at their cuteness. However, there were some unpleasant moments, such as other families who stared and pointed when they held hands with each other, not just with Ben. Then there was an offensive person who said, "How dare you raise a poor innocent child in your sick lifestyle!"

Carol rushed over furiously, introduced herself as Ben's birthmother, and got into a shouting match about who gets to decide what's best for her child.

Susan quickly shooed Joey, Chandler, and Ben away to the reptile house, so they never found out how the confrontation ended. It was clearly something that Carol and Susan didn't want to talk about when they rejoined the group.


At the end of the first week, Joey met with Estelle and got a few auditions so that he could slowly get back into work. Chandler accompanied him the whole day, to make sure that Joey didn't overdo anything. As long as he took public transportation instead of walking a lot, and as long as he avoided any roles that required heavy lifting, Joey did fine. So Chandler stopped worrying so much and agreed that Joey could continue having a few auditions every day, but shouldn't increase the load for another week.

Afterward, Carol and Susan were miffed that they weren't told about this excursion ahead of time. "Did anybody react to you being married?"

Chandler shrugged. "Well, sometimes people didn't notice the rings. Sometimes they assumed we were friends, married to women, so we didn't say anything. Other times they asked us if we were gay, and then we said yes."

Susan tsked disapprovingly. "Well, now you see some of the difficult choices that have to be made just to get by. I can understand you not being out at Joey's auditions, since it's not one steady job, and there's no time to get comfortable with a boss and co-workers. Still, it's something you'd have to confront as a couple if Joey ever became famous or got a regular TV role again."

Carol nodded. "Yeah, how long could he keep a secret like this from the tabloids? Would staying closeted help Joey's career? Would it keep him from being typecast in only gay roles?"

"Who knows?" Susan shrugged and changed the subject. "All right, you guys, did you remember your homework? Have you been kissing?"

"Yeah," Joey answered, while Chandler blushed.

Carol smiled. "Well, kiss each other and convince us that you mean it."

Joey moved closer and kissed Chandler softly at first. Chandler had learned to respond to him faster by now, and they truly seemed to have the hang of it. After a decent amount of spit swapping, they ended it and turned to Carol and Susan for approval.

"My, my!" Susan laughed. "9 out of 10!"

"What's a 10?" Joey asked. He didn't like having his kissing skills called into question.

Carol smiled at his wounded pride. "A 10 would be you guys actually being gay and wanting to kiss each other on your own, without us telling you to."

Susan agreed. "You've done very well on this assignment. From now on, mix up your kissing and handholding and smiling at each other as much as you can. Whatever's appropriate to the time and place. Our spies tell us that you sometimes lack spontaneity."

"Who?" Joey asked.

"We can't tell you who we've got watching you guys, and where. Isn't it enough that you know all about your friends watching you?"

Carol said, "Anyway, that's all for tonight, boys. More time to finish your books, if you need to. Bye."


After Carol and Susan left, Joey and Chandler changed their clothes, then went to play some basketball with Ross. Phoebe came to watch, and no one knew where Monica and Rachel were tonight.

On the basketball court, Chandler would fill in whenever Joey rested on the bench, but he was a pretty embarrassing substitute. Phoebe sat next to Joey and laughed, "I bet I would play better than Chandler."

Joey shrugged. "He's just a little clumsy." That was an understatement. Chandler was known as a dropper, and not just with balls.

Phoebe noticed the way that Joey kept watching Chandler. "You thinking about kissing him some more?"

Joey couldn't come back with anything funny. "Homework," he said bitterly.


That night, Joey and Chandler came home, took turns in the shower, then stretched out on their recliners to watch a little TV before bed. Suddenly, Joey reached over and kissed Chandler's mouth.

"Wh-what are you doing?"

"Being spontaneous."

"Oh. But we're alone here. Nobody's watching."

"I know. But it's practice for when we're in public."

Chandler shrugged and let Joey make out with him for a while. Finally they stopped and went to bed.


A few nights later, Joey ended another reading session by kissing Chandler again. Chandler went along, but then felt Joey climbing onto the recliner with him.

"Joe?" He was becoming worried.

"Please," Joey sighed, chewing on Chandler's ear and embracing him warmly.

"What?" He tried to make Joey face him, then received another deep kiss.

Joey was achingly passionate, running his fingers through Chandler's hair and pressing his body close. "God, Chandler," Joey unbuttoned his shirt and kissed down his throat. "No flirting, no sex, no porn. Don't you want me too?"

"Joe, we--we aren't gay. This is just pretend."

"I won't hurt you," Joey promised. "We can just jerk off--"

He shook his head. "You can do that in your room, with any fantasy you want."

Joey pleaded, "I need somebody moaning with me, kissing me--" He felt a bulge in Chandler's pants. "See? You want me too."

Chandler explained, "I'm--I'm just missing Monica, that's all."

"Then I'll help you," Joey kissed him again and groped him.

He moaned but firmly pushed Joey off him and said, "No!"

Joey reluctantly returned to his own recliner and looked ashamed. "I'm sorry."

Chandler shrugged and caught his breath. "I-I know what you're going through. Well, I haven't had all the girls you have, but at least I had Monica." He sighed wistfully. "She's the best sex I've ever had."

"Yeah?" Joey whispered and tried picturing it. "What's that like?" He had asked the question of Chandler before, during a ride-along with Gary the cop, and Chandler had only glared angrily.

Tonight, however, Chandler turned and stared at him. Joey still looked desperate for sex, and clearly didn't want to return to his room alone. "I'll... I'll tell you." Normally he wouldn't violate Monica's privacy like this, but this was a highly unusual situation.

Amazed, Joey looked hopeful and aroused. He closed his eyes and leaned back in his recliner. "What's it feel like, inside her?"

"It's so good. She--" He bit his lip and couldn't bring himself to say more. Swallowing, Chandler sat up and said, "Not out here. In my room, okay?"

Joey opened his eyes in surprise, but quickly followed after Chandler. When they got on the bed, Chandler clarified, "We won't touch, but just, you know, talk."

Joey nodded. "Wait, one kiss first?"

Chandler agreed and kissed him again, getting them fired up and hot. Then they separated and got naked, turning out the lights as they did so. They lay a safe distance from each other on the bed, and Chandler told him intimate details in the darkness. Joey hissed with desire and even called him "baby" like he often called women when he couldn't remember their names. It was an odd, disconnected way of having sex. After they jerked off, they felt relieved of so much tension.

Then Joey kissed Chandler once more. "You wanna hear about any of my girls?"

Chandler shrugged.

Joey offered, "Remember Kathy? What if we had dated her at the same time?"

"A threesome?" Chandler looked interested, so Joey described that fantasy to him, and they had sex again.