The morning after, Chandler changed the sheets and knew that he should feel guilty about what he and Joey had done. Technically, they had not touched each other, besides the kisses, but Chandler knew better than to think that he hadn't cheated. But he was on a break from Monica, right? It wasn't three hours later, like with Ross, but nearly two weeks later, and with a lot of provocation from the fake marriage. Still, Chandler had violated Monica's privacy and had, in effect, shared her with Joey. Why did he keep doing stuff guaranteed to make her angry lately?
At breakfast, Joey felt awful. "I'm sorry about last night. I crossed the line--"
"No, don't apologize," Chandler interrupted. "It was just this fake marriage stuff, you know? I wanted it too."
Joey nodded and remembered how Chandler had moaned next to him. When they did the threesome fantasy, Chandler even spoke Joey's name a few times, instead of Kathy's, so Joey answered with both "Chandler" and "oh, baby."
Chandler stared into his cereal bowl, then finally spoke again. "Joey, don't tell Monica about last night, okay? I'm still trying to make up with her, and besides, it was just a fluke. It was one night."
Joey shrugged. "Okay, but if she somehow finds out, tell her that I came onto you."
Chandler pressed Joey's hand and kissed his cheek. Joey was so sweet and selfless sometimes.
Looking into Chandler's eyes, Joey kissed him softly, then took one of the novels with him as he left for his auditions.
Chandler stayed at home and read his books. He thought about whether he should also return to work now. Normally, he would be glad to avoid the office, because his job was dreadfully boring, but being home without Joey wasn't much fun, with only the birds for company.
So Chandler decided to go back to work tomorrow. After all, wearing the wedding ring at his office would be advantageous to the insurance fraud, and he was pretty much done with his books.
Susan phoned the guys that evening. "You have to make up the story of how and when you two first became lovers. Someone will ask you about it at your coming out party."
Ah, the coming out party. This was apparently a major event that required many smaller events to build up to it, and it would take place during the third week.
Susan continued, "We're telling our friends that you've only just come out, after years of pretending to be just roommates. So make up how you fell in love and kept it secret, then make sure you agree on the details. When Carol and I come to see you next, we'll take you out to a restaurant and hear your story over dinner. We'll suggest changes if it's not convincing enough."
For simplicity's sake, Joey and Chandler decided to claim that they had slept together in London, instead of Monica and Chandler. Now they just needed to get the details straight.
Joey asked, "So all that fighting we were doing in London led to some hot make-up sex?"
Chandler shrugged. "Well, with me and Monica, it happened because we were comforting each other. She was depressed about some drunk guy mistaking her for Ross's mom, and I was feeling lonely because you were off with the bridesmaid."
"What?" Joey blinked. "You were lonely because of me?"
Realizing what he'd said, Chandler blushed. "No, um, I-I don't mean I was jealous. Of course not. I just, um, I thought you and me would go to some bars and pick up chicks together. I mean, I brought all those condoms to London."
"Oh."
"Anyway, let's just use the story of how you hooked up with the bridesmaid. Okay, um, you were flirting with her at the rehearsal dinner, and later you went off with her and a bucket of strawberries, right?"
"Yeah, we got into a bubble bath and she fed me strawberries."
"Wow!" Joey's way with women never ceased to amaze Chandler. Then again, weddings tended to make women--especially bridesmaids--emotionally vulnerable, as Chandler had learned when Monica came to him that night.
Chandler cleared his throat. "All right, so how do we make that story sound like something you and me would do? Would I be feeding you strawberries?" He looked skeptical.
Joey pondered it, then slowly pieced together a story. "Well, you and me were fighting all over London, right up to the rehearsal dinner. Then I made my toast about being homesick for New York, and the bridesmaid flirted with me, and you got jealous. I ditched her so that we could make up, and you admitted that you wanted me. Then we went back to our hotel room, and started making out, and getting naked... And we made jokes about all the condoms you brought, and all the fights, and you told me stuff that you saw your dad doing to the houseboy."
Chandler raised his eyebrows and thought about those old, embarrassing memories in a whole new light.
"So we did stuff all night and messed up the beds pretty bad. Then you wanted to get up and shower. I said 'Let's take a bath,' and filled up the tub for us. You didn't think we could fit, but I did, and we got in real close. It was wet and hot, and you tasted so good when I licked--"
Chandler gulped and stopped him by putting a hand over his mouth. "We--we just need a story," he warned, "not a fantasy."
Joey looked away with a guilty frown. He could picture everything in vivid detail.
Chandler thought for a moment, then asked, "And when did we get married? Was it in Vegas? Were we making up for our fight about your big break?"
Joey nodded.
"And, um, we played around with your gladiator costume, and--" He stopped himself and exhaled. "Joey, you wanna make out for a while?"
Joey immediately came over to his recliner, and they kissed with frantic passion, until Phoebe walked in on them, and they broke it off.
"Whoa!" she smiled. "Carol and Susan said you were convincing, but I had no idea."
Joey sat back from Chandler, but didn't stand up yet, as he was hiding an erection. "We just--we're practicing."
Phoebe nodded obliviously. "You know what? This could be good for your career, Joey. Yeah, if you audition for another gay kissing part, you'll definitely get it this time." She giggled. "Even I was turned on a little."
Joey and Chandler laughed nervously.
Phoebe said, "Anyway, the gang's wondering why you guys don't hang out with us more. Carol and Susan aren't giving you that much work, are they?"
Chandler replied, "No, um, we should probably go out. How about dinner tonight?"
"Sure. We're meeting at the coffeehouse at seven. See you there." She waved goodbye and left them alone again.
After an awkward silence, Joey cleared his throat and tried to be casual. "So, um, you wanna go play foosball or something?"
Chandler thought about it, but shook his head. "Can you, can you go lock the door, Joe?"
Joey got up and locked the front door, then Chandler welcomed him back to the recliner, where they made out again.
Chandler knew that they should be feeling bad about Monica right now, but he couldn't focus on her. He wanted so much to give in and do everything in Joey's vivid fantasies. Not just to talk and imagine, but to touch and be touched in return.
His erection needing some attention, Joey finally stopped the ardent kisses and told Chandler breathlessly, "I'll--I'll go to my room. You don't have to join me."
He rushed away and left Chandler there, undecided.
The quacking of the duck brought Chandler back to reality. He decided not to join Joey after all, and just retired to his own room. There was no excuse for him to lose his self-control yet again, and he had to figure out how to make it through the rest of this month.
Later, while they got ready for dinner, Joey asked Chandler, "Do you think maybe we should tell Carol and Susan what happened last night?"
Chandler hesitated, and then shook his head. "No, um, I want to tell Monica first, if anybody. I think we can control ourselves, Joe, as long as we stop making out when we're alone. Just, just save it for in public, you know, where we definitely can't get carried away."
"Okay."
