In the morning, Phoebe woke up Ross with a kiss. "Hey, loverboy."
He laughed and blushed a little. "It was really nice, Pheebs. Really... amazing."
She nodded smugly. "I know. I'm very bendy." She kissed him again, "And you're just as good as Bonnie said you were."
Ross raised an eyebrow. "She told you--? Ah, I ought to remember that women tell each other everything."
"Yep. Plus, I've heard stuff from Rachel, but she tends to bitch about you too, because of all that anger left over from your breakups."
"You mean she still talks about me sometimes?"
Phoebe sighed at his obsession with Rachel. "Yeah, sometimes." She shrugged and changed the subject. "So, um, it's morning now. I still want a baby, Ross. Do you?"
Ross frowned, looking pensive and worried. "Are you really sure about this, Phoebe?"
"Yes! I am." She pulled him close and looked into his eyes. "I really want a baby, and I already know you're a great father, Ross. Don't you want another kid?"
He nodded. "I do, but--"
"But nothing! Ross, if you think that us having a kid might interfere with you and Rachel getting back together someday, don't worry. It doesn't have to be like that. You only need to make a long-term commitment to our baby, not to me. Anything else is extra."
"Extra?"
"Yeah. Look at how great you, Carol, and Susan worked things out over Ben! Sure, it might be unusual, but it's definitely more functional than my family!"
Ross nodded and kissed her forehead, amazed as ever by the fractured family that Phoebe had come from.
"The point is, we can arrange something, Ross. Like, we can be parents and friends, and that's it. Who knows? Maybe I'll meet a great guy someday, or David will come back from Russia. Maybe you'll meet a great woman, or get back together with Rachel. Or maybe none of that works out, and we turn forty and get married anyway. Whatever happens, we're always gonna love our kid and be there for him or her."
Ross smiled. Phoebe could be so weird and out there sometimes, but she could also make a lot of sense too. "That might work."
"Only might?" she asked.
"Well, there's still a lot of stuff to discuss. I mean, are we gonna live together or not? Are we gonna get a nanny, or is one of us gonna stay home until the kid's old enough for school? Do we agree on schools? Discipline? Names?"
Phoebe smiled and kissed him happily. "How about we get out of bed and talk it over?"
Ross nodded, and they got up to shower and dress. Since their discussion might take quite a while, they agreed to keep last night a secret from the gang, until Ross made a decision about having a baby with her.
"So, um, Phoebe should be all right now, huh?" Chandler asked as he tried desperately not to kiss Joey. They were sitting at breakfast and carefully resisting the urge to have sex again, either the disconnected kind that they'd already had, or the real thing, with touching and everything.
Joey shrugged. "I hope she is. I guess we'll find out when we see the gang tonight."
"Yeah. Okay," Chandler spoke stiffly. "Well, I'll go to work now. See you tonight." He hurried out the door.
Talk about torture! It felt almost as if Carol and Susan had intentionally planned for the guys to start wanting each other, just to confuse them sexually and make the month more difficult. But Carol and Susan surely weren't that wicked, and Monica wouldn't go along with that idea either.
Fortunately, both Joey and Chandler were working again, which meant that they'd be alone for much less time every day. They should probably hang out with the gang more often, too, so that they would feel guilty every time they saw Monica. It would help them to have self control.
The guys still had to keep pretending to be married, though, at least in public. So they had agreed to think of those public moments when they kissed and touched as small, controlled releases of their sexual tension. Sort of like how a nicotine patch reduced your craving for cigarettes, so that you could quit the addiction.
There was no cure, however, for the sex dreams that Chandler kept having about Joey. Maybe when this month was over, he'd have to not only confess to Monica about cheating, but also see a shrink.
At Central Perk, Phoebe looked surprisingly happy, and even conspiratorial, because she kept slipping away from the gang to speak to Ross. Ross covered it up lamely, "Sorry, we, uh, we got into a discussion last night about a dinosaur egg that was discovered." He hurried off to another table with Phoebe.
Joey frowned, thinking that he and Chandler had been out of the loop too long. "Since when is Phoebe interested in boring dinosaur talk?"
"I don't know," Rachel shrugged, then added that Phoebe had stayed the night with Ross, instead of her and Monica. "We're not sure why."
Privately, Rachel wondered whether Phoebe had really sensed their secret affair last night and revealed it to Ross. But why would Ross look so happy about it, and not confront them? After how he reacted to finding out about Monica and Chandler, he ought to have another fit of rage at finding out about his ex-girlfriend and his sister.
"Maybe they renewed their friendship," Joey guessed. He and Phoebe had tried to do that while driving home from Vegas, but they ended up fighting over Joey falling asleep and picking up a hitchhiker.
Rachel leaned over to Monica and pointed to Ross and Phoebe. "Maybe we should go talk to them about... last night."
Monica nervously changed the subject. "Hey, Joey, are you really Phoebe's backup for when you guys are forty?"
"What?" Chandler interrupted. "I thought I was her backup. Oh, but maybe she had to get a new backup when I got together with you, Mon."
Monica avoided his eyes.
Joey replied, "But Phoebe asked me years ago, before you and Monica dated."
"Really?" Rachel sat up with interest. "So she was stringing you both along? Maybe somebody should confront somebody." She glared at Monica.
Joey almost got up to speak to Phoebe, but Chandler held him back and pointed out their rings. "We're supposed to be married, remember?"
"Right," Joey realized. "So we shouldn't care about Phoebe's backups."
Chandler nodded and put his head on Joey's shoulder, to relieve his current craving. He sighed and tried not to worry about Monica and what he should tell her later.
Days later, everyone was shocked when Ross and Phoebe made the announcement that they were going to have a baby together.
"What?!" Monica believed that her brother had gone crazy again, or maybe never fully recovered from the craziness of his third divorce. "If you're trying to make Rachel jealous or something--"
"No, no!" Ross said. "That's not what this is at all. Phoebe and I are gonna be parents, not a couple. We just realized that we both want kids, and this is a good time in both our lives."
Phoebe nodded. "Yeah, I had those triplets for Frank and Alice, and Ross has Ben, but Carol and Susan have him most of the time. So this way, me and Ross are finally gonna get to be full-time parents."
"Especially the first few years," Ross added.
"Yeah, I'm gonna move into his extra room during the pregnancy and maybe a year or so after the kid's born."
Ross shrugged. "We'll have to wait and see how we get along as roommates. I'm not sure I like the idea of you giving massages at my apartment, Pheebs."
"Our apartment!" She hit him playfully. "Besides, I can do it while you're at work, Ross. You won't even notice it."
"I guess so. I mean, you *are* putting up with my dinosaur toys and Pottery Barn furniture."
Phoebe smiled indulgently, knowing that having a baby would require some compromises. "Oh, and Rachel, if you want to move into my apartment while I'm gone, that's fine. But I will want it back again whenever Ross and I decide that it's time for us to split up."
Rachel and Monica exchanged glances, but said nothing and hoped that no one had noticed their reaction.
Ross explained, "After Phoebe moves out, our kid will live at both our places equally, and we might get a nanny too, just to cover those times when each of us will want to get back to dating, you know."
"Feel free to babysit sometimes too," Phoebe said, looking especially at Monica, the known baby-lover of the group. "Oh, and I know you and Rachel meant well with your 'You don't need a man. Get a sperm donor' speech, but I just feel that my baby should have an actual father because I never had one growing up. I mean, I had my stepdad for a while, but then he went to prison. This way, I know my kid will have a great father who will always be around."
Ross smiled. "And you'll be a great mother, Pheebs."
"Of course!" Phoebe giggled, then looked at the stunned faces of the gang. "Come on, you guys! Look excited at least!"
"Oh--Congratulations!" Chandler went to hug her and Ross. Joey followed suit.
Monica and Rachel joined in too, but looked distracted.
"Wow, so that was your big secret!" Rachel was relieved. After thinking for a moment, she sat back and decided to announce something too. "Well, um, we should actually tell you guys some important news--"
"Rachel!" Monica dragged her away from the group and whispered, "You can't tell them now! This is a happy moment for Ross and Phoebe. You want me to break Chandler's heart right here? And possibly Ross too, if he's not over you?"
Rachel saw her point. "Yeah, but when are we gonna tell them? I feel so bad now that we're serious, and they're still talking like you and Chandler have a chance."
"I know, sweetie. But I just need to figure out how to break it to Chandler. You know, maybe we should ask Carol how she told Ross she was a lesbian."
Rachel agreed, and they returned to the gang as casually as possible.
Phoebe looked excited. "You guys! Are you planning a baby shower for me?"
Rachel went along with a coy smile. "Oh, Phoebe, you ruined the surprise! So, um, how soon are you two gonna go do that insemination thing?"
"Actually," Ross said, "we're not gonna do that. I mean, we might, later, but..." He looked at Phoebe significantly and put an arm around her.
Phoebe said, "Yeah, we gonna have sex first. I mean, Ross got Carol pregnant with just one night, and I was so fertile that I had triplets. Maybe we still have what it takes."
No one dared to comment that it might be weird to sleep with a friend; everyone had done it already.
