Carol and Susan came over to discuss the plans for the coming out party, only to be learn that Monica and Rachel had something far more private to discuss.
"You're not joking?" Carol asked as the four of them sat in Monica's living room. In light of the upcoming party, and Joey and Chandler's situation, a practical joke by their friends seemed within the realms of possibility.
"No," Monica said. "I almost wish we were joking, for Chandler's sake."
Susan sat back and folded her arms. "So how did this happen?"
Monica shrugged. "Well, one minute we were swapping sex stories and generally bashing men. The next minute, we were kissing and touching each other."
Rachel nodded. "Yeah, you see, I've kissed my girlfriends before. Like Mindy at camp and Melissa at my sorority. I had no idea that Monica and I would go that far. We weren't even drunk that night."
"Well, we had a tickle fight."
Susan raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Are you sure you're not just fooling around? Some people just experiment out of loneliness or curiosity."
"No, it's serious," Rachel answered, taking Monica's hand. "We're looking at each other totally different now, and we want to be together all the time."
Monica nodded and held Rachel closer. "These past couple of weeks have been so great, except for how guilty we feel about Chandler."
Rachel sighed. "Yeah, poor Chandler. Not to sound insensitive or anything, but I always thought that if Monica and Chandler ever broke up it would be because Chandler turned out to be gay, you know?"
The others nodded at the irony, and Monica wrung her hands anxiously. "Now, somehow, I have to tell Chandler that it's over for good, and that I'm cheating on him, and everything. Is there any possible way to do all that without crushing him?"
Susan shook her head. "Not in our experience. Nobody takes being dumped well, let alone learning that their lover is gay and cheating on them already."
Monica looked frustrated. "I know, but just a few weeks ago I was gonna move in with Chandler, and before that, I was gonna marry him in Vegas." She groaned. "I even told him he was the love of my life on our anniversary!"
"At least you didn't marry him," Carol spoke sadly. "It's much harder to end it then. I hated having to hurt Ross after all our years together, but I had to do it."
Rachel asked, "How exactly did you tell Ross?"
"He never told you guys?"
Rachel shook her head, and Monica said, "He never went into detail--I guess because it hurt him so much. He just said that you were a lesbian and you guys were getting a divorce. Phoebe guessed that you and Susan were probably lovers already. That night, Ross just talked on and on about your marriage, and the first time you met in college, and how in love you were."
Carol frowned. "Sounds like Ross, all right. It took him a long time to let go. That first Valentine's Day after our divorce, he said he still loved me."
Susan embraced her wife and held her hand. "Not to mention that time he talked you into having one last night, which resulted in Ben." Susan had forgiven Carol for that transgression; after all, she and Carol had slept together behind Ross's back, and Susan did want the baby.
"So how did you come out to Ross?" Monica asked.
Carol sighed. "Well, I sat him down and I said, 'Ross, you know how we've had trouble having sex lately? I've finally figured out my problem; I'm a lesbian.' He said, 'That's ridiculous,' and I said no, it's the truth. He insisted that I couldn't be a lesbian, because I'd slept with him and married him. I said, 'I know, Ross, and I'm very, very sorry. It's just, you were my first, and we were more innocent then. And you know how Chandler's dad didn't come out until after he got married? That's how I am too, and I wish I hadn't been blind for so long. I never meant to hurt you like this.' Ross just stammered and looked devastated. I said, 'Please tell me that our divorce won't be as bitter as it was with Chandler's parents. I want us to be friends, if we can.'
"Friends," Rachel said.
Carol nodded and frowned. "I should have known better. Ross kept arguing with me, saying that I was wrong and confused; our sexual problems had only been a few months, and what was a few months compared to seven years of marriage? I said 'This is who I am, Ross, and you have to accept it.' I told him it wasn't his fault, and he couldn't change things. We had to get a divorce. He was very upset, and finally decided to go spend the night with you guys, so I let him go and hoped that you could comfort him. The next time I saw him, he asked me whether I was cheating on him with Susan, so I told him all about that, and we had a fight. It was awful, but at least Ross stopped trying to talk me out of the divorce. He realized that it was really over, I guess."
Monica pondered that story and asked, "Should I do that too? You know, just tell Chandler that it's over, and wait until later to say that Rachel and I have been cheating on him? I mean, by then, we could tell everyone."
Susan doubted the wisdom of that approach. "Wait for how long? You can't put it off forever, Monica. I mean, you heard how Ross didn't really accept the reality of the divorce until Carol told him everything. Chandler needs to know the truth, no matter how painful."
"You're right," Monica sighed. "But still, I almost think that Chandler would take it better if I said I was leaving him for Richard, not Rachel."
Rachel hugged her soothingly. "And Chandler's just the first person we have to tell! I feel like *we* should be the ones having a coming out party."
That gave Carol an idea.
After further discussion of the new plan, Rachel accompanied Carol and Susan to their home, to pick up some helpful books on being gay and coming out. That left Monica alone to talk to Chandler.
She nervously went across the hall. "Chandler, I need to talk to you."
Chandler look apprehensive, but Joey patted his shoulder encouragingly. "It could be good news, man." After all, Monica hadn't condescended to speak to him for quite a while.
Monica bit her lip and silently left with Chandler.
Later that night, Chandler returned, looking stunned and miserable.
Joey rushed to hug him. "Whoa, what happened? Did you have a fight?"
Chandler shook his head and stammered, "No, she--she broke up with me for good."
"What?!" Joey sat Chandler down on the couch. "You didn't tell her what we did, did you?"
"No. She just, she started saying, 'You're a great guy, and this is really hard for me to tell you...' The usual kiss-off. So I said, 'Monica, you're not breaking up with me. You can't be. You're just mad at me right now, but I can make it up to you.'
"She said, 'No, you can't. It's really over this time, and not just because of our last fight. It's not even you and Joey playing house, or you guys searching our apartment for the porn. It's nothing you did. It's me. I've changed, and I want different things.'
"I tried to apologize and get her to listen to me, but she said, 'Stop it. I'm not mad at you. In fact, you should be mad at me. There's someone else.'"
Joey was shocked. "Who?"
Chandler shrugged. "She wouldn't tell me; said it was too hard to explain right now. She just said she was sorry for cheating on me, and she didn't plan to do it, and no, it wouldn't have helped if I had been around lately. Even without this fake marriage stuff, she would've avoided me anyway because she was so mad."
"This is terrible!" Joey said, trying to absorb it all. "I'm so sorry, Chandler. Me and my big mouth, saying it could be good news."
"You--you didn't know." Chandler put his head on Joey's shoulder and clung to him.
Joey hugged him close. "Did she say anything else?"
"Stuff about how I'll be happier without her, and I'll find somebody else. She kept saying she was sorry, and I should yell at her. I just sat there and couldn't believe it. She said, 'Come on, yell at me! Get angry, like you did over Richard in Vegas.' I said, 'This isn't Vegas, and we're not gonna make up again, are we?' She said, 'No. This is a permanent breakup.' So I just, I just came home."
"Man!" Joey shook his head in disbelief. "This is crazy! What's the matter with her? You're better than him, whoever that guy is. Even if it's Richard. How could she?"
Chandler looked up at Joey and reminded him, "We did stuff too. You and me."
"I know," Joey answered with guilt. "But it was a fluke, like you said. You still wanted to make up with her."
Chandler thought about that, and all the sex dreams he'd been having lately.
Suddenly they heard a noise out in the hallway and turned around. Monica opened the door and set down a bag filled with their porn videos.
"I'm so sorry," she murmured softly. "I, um, told Carol and Susan about the breakup, and they're gonna cancel the rest of the stuff they were planning this month. You can go back to normal, okay? Go ahead and watch your porn, or get drunk, or go watch some strippers. Whatever makes you feel better, Chandler."
They said nothing, and she exited with another strained, "I'm sorry!"
