As they drank beer and ate pizza, Chandler sat in his recliner and rambled on about his miserable love life. "First Janice cheats on me, then Kathy cheats on me, then Monica cheats on me. What, do I have a sign on my forehead that says, 'Screw me over'?"
Joey rubbed his arm reassuringly. "They don't know what a great guy you are."
"Yeah, but--" Chandler noticed something and touched Joey's hand. "Hey, you're still wearing the wedding ring."
Joey shrugged. "You're still wearing yours."
"I know, but I told you that I was gonna do that all along, remember? You know, keep up the pretense at work for another month or so. For the insurance."
"Oh. Oh yeah, I forgot that." He pulled his hand away from Chandler and coughed dismissively. "I guess, I just--I got used to the ring, and, um, I forgot where we put the ring boxes."
"Well, I think I put them with my desk drawer over there."
"Right," Joey said. "I'll put it away later, I guess." Joey sat back in his recliner and tore off some more pizza crust to offer to the chick and the duck, who were hanging around begging for bread crumbs.
Chandler drank his beer and gazed pensively at his own ring. "Joey, do you think I'll ever find real love? You know, a woman that I could love and settle down with, in a real marriage?"
Joey looked surprised. "You want that? I thought you were afraid of commitment and stuff. You backed out of marrying Monica in Vegas."
"I know, but that was because it was too soon. I was hoping that once I moved in with her, I'd get a better idea of what being married to her would be like. Maybe after another year... But never mind, it's over with now."
Joey shrugged. "I guess she wasn't ready to commit to you yet."
"Yeah," Chandler frowned. "But I still hope there's someone else out there for me. You know, a real soul mate."
"Of course. You'll find someone."
Chandler scoffed. "You sound like Monica. 'You'll find someone' only makes me feel more pathetic and alone."
"I'm sorry."
Chandler sighed and shook his head. "No, I'm sorry, Joe. I know you're just trying to cheer me up, but it's useless right now. There's nothing to do but just drink myself numb--or have a cigarette."
"Chandler!"
"I know, I know! But I want to so bad."
"You have to be strong."
"But how?" he whined. "I've been cheated on, and dumped, and besides you, I haven't had sex in weeks... I'm so alone."
"You're not alone. You got me."
"Yeah, like that's the same!"
Joey was hurt, but kept it to himself. "Look, what do you want to do, Chandler? Watch some porn? Go out to a strip joint? We could go to a bar and pick up women. Whatever you want."
"I wanna smoke."
"No! You don't need that!"
"Yes I do!"
"No, I won't let you start again!"
"Hey, I'm a grownup, and if I wanna smoke myself to an early grave, you can't stop me!"
"Chandler, you know it'll only make it harder to quit again. Just forget about it. Smoking can only make things worse."
"Worse? How could it get worse? Am I gonna lose my job next? Are you gonna kick me out of the apartment if I smoke?"
"No, of course not. I just, I want you to be healthy and happy--"
"Smoking makes me happy! Cigarettes don't argue with me, cheat on me, or dump me. In fact, their promise is 'until death do us part'."
"Chandler!"
"I wanna smoke!" He put down his beer and got up.
"No!" Joey went after him and grabbed his arm. "You're not going anywhere!"
Chandler tried to shake him off, begging, "Please, Joe. I can't take it anymore. Just one cigarette. One!"
"No, they only sell them in packs, and once you start, you won't be able to stop."
Chandler kept struggling. "You can't watch me all night! There's plenty of places that sell cigarettes that you don't know about."
"No, please, stay here! I'll let you get really drunk. I'll let you, uh--what do you want?"
"I wanna kiss you!"
Joey blinked, and Chandler blushed, realizing what he'd said.
"I-I didn't--" Chandler stammered. "I meant--"
Joey leaned nearer and kissed him. "Is that okay?" he asked. "Or did you want to make out for a while?"
Chandler stared at him for a moment, then whispered, "I-I want to make out."
"Okay." Joey pulled Chandler close and kissed him passionately.
Chandler melted into Joey's arms and forgot all about his desire to smoke. After more breathless kisses, he pulled back and tried to make sense of what they were doing. "I thought, I thought it was just gonna be last night," he whispered.
Joey caressed his cheek. "I liked last night. We could... do it again, if you want to."
"Yeah?" Chandler met his eyes.
Joey nodded. "Yeah."
So Chandler kissed him back, and said, "I want to."
They returned to Chandler's bedroom, and again they behaved like a married couple. In fact, it was like a honeymoon in which they were virgins, lustfully discovering each other bit by bit. Last night had been the first night of real sex, and now on their second night, they learned to be less awkward and more natural in their intimacy.
In their rush, they had forgot to shut both halves of Chandler's door, so the chick and the duck idly wandered in. Joey and Chandler were too engrossed in each other to notice, and after a while, the birds lost interest in watching the heated activities on the bed. So they returned to the living room and feasted on the leftover pizza.
In the morning, the guys woke up in bed together and lay close, just watching each other's eyes.
"Thank you," Chandler whispered again.
Joey dismissed it with a shrug and joked, "Anything to keep you off the cigarettes."
Chandler laughed faintly and raised his eyebrows. "You really don't like me smoking, huh?"
Joey ran his fingers through Chandler's hair and nuzzled his neck. "You smell better without it. So much better."
He blushed. "Well, you--you weren't quite so close then."
"Now I am." Joey kissed him and groped him.
Chandler closed his eyes and moaned softly. He could feel the wedding ring still on Joey's finger, and it added to the pleasure.
They had not got very far before Chandler's alarm clock went off. Joey sighed and let go. "You gotta go, I guess."
Chandler was disappointed as well. "Unless, unless you wanna take a shower with me?"
Joey grinned. "Yeah!" They got out of bed and rushed to the bathroom together.
After a hurried, but sensual shower, they stopped fooling around so that Chandler could go get ready for work.
Joey put on a bathrobe and went to make a quick breakfast for them--bagels with cream cheese. Chandler was surprised by his thoughtfulness, and he kissed Joey softly on his way to the door. They still hadn't really talked about what this continued sex meant.
"I--I better go before I'm late."
"Okay," Joey said and gave him another toasted bagel to take with him.
