When Chandler got home from work, he found Joey waiting for him again and they shared a lingering kiss at the door.

Chandler sighed and asked hesitantly, "You sure you don't want to go out and get some women? I-I don't wanna be selfish..."

Locking their door, Joey just pulled Chandler toward the bathroom again. "I thought maybe we could do that bathtub thing we were talking about."

Chandler shivered with anticipation. "Okay." Even the slight connection to London, and to a bubble bath that he had once shared with Monica, didn't bother him. Joey had rewritten London for them both, and they were still wearing their rings, as if Vegas had been real too.

Unfortunately, they had entirely forgotten about Carol and Susan coming over that evening, so their sultry bath was interrupted by a knock on their door. They ignored it at first, staying lost in a watery embrace.

Checking her watch, Susan knocked louder and called out, "Hello? Guys?"

The chick and the duck helpfully pecked at the bathroom door to inform their owners, who seemed to have developed a habit lately of getting naked together a lot.

Annoyed, Joey put on a robe and came out of the bathroom to shoo the birds away. But then he heard Susan knocking again, so he went to the front door and looked through the peephole, hoping that it was just Monica or Rachel needing to borrow something.

Joey jumped a little when he saw Carol and Susan there, and didn't stifle his gasp quickly enough.

"Joey?" Susan said, looking toward the peephole.

"Ah, damn it!" he said involuntarily.

"Well, that's a fine way to greet us," Carol laughed.

Joey gave up. "Um, sorry. I just--I thought you canceled all the stuff we had to do."

"We did," Susan nodded. "We're here to get back our stuff and keep Chandler company."

"Yeah, didn't he tell you?" Carol asked. "You're supposed to be going out to celebrate your freedom tonight."

"Oh." Joey remembered now. He tried to think what to do. Maybe he should go ask Chandler for a plausible excuse.

Susan folded her arms impatiently, "Come on, Joey, when are you gonna let us in?"

"Um, I can't right now. I, uh," he coughed, "I'm--I'm contagious. Yeah, me and Chandler are both sick, so we're just gonna stay home tonight."

"What? You came down with something?"

"Yeah," he coughed a few times for emphasis. "So, um, sorry we forgot to call you and cancel tonight. Bye-bye." He ran back to the bathroom.

In the hallway, the wives turned to each other in confusion, and Carol asked, "What's going on with Joey?"

"I don't know, but he sure didn't sound sick to me."

"He didn't even let us get the books back." Carol gestured to the book bag they had brought with them.

Susan looked suspicious. "Wait. Do you think something's going on in there?"

Carol's eyes widened. "Noooo!" She giggled. "Not them too?"

Susan shrugged. "Well, some of those kisses we saw..."

"Yeah, but you can never tell with those two. They're the definition of an ambiguously gay couple."

"Come on, let's go somewhere and talk about this. The coffee's good downstairs, right?" Arm in arm, they headed down to Central Perk.


Discarding his bathrobe, Joey returned to the tub and covered Chandler in eager kisses. "Did you miss me?"

"So much." With a sigh, Chandler asked absently, "Did I hear somebody at the door?"

"Yeah, but it was just Carol and Susan."

Chandler blinked. "What'd they want?"

"We called them last night, remember? Asked them to come stay with you."

"Oh." Chandler remembered. "Phase One." He kissed Joey and ran his wet hands through his hair. "This is... the best Phase One ever."

Joey agreed and bit into Chandler's neck while his hands plunged far below the waterline.


Carol and Susan found the orange couch free for once, so they plopped down on it together and ordered some coffee. (Joey and Chandler were clearly occupied, Ross and Phoebe had already announced plans for nonstop sex until a baby was conceived, and Monica and Rachel were presumably reading through all the advice in the coming out books that they'd borrowed. No doubt, they'd also find time for some lovemaking too.)

Susan shook her head. "Can you believe that? Joey and Chandler? And Monica and Rachel? In the same month!" Ross and Phoebe didn't make the list because, as far as anyone knew, their relationship was only about parenthood, not romance.

Carol couldn't believe it. "Maybe we're assuming too much about the guys, though."

"Are you kidding? It took Joey so long to come to the door, and he never even opened it. And that cough was so fake!"

Carol shrugged. "Yeah, but they could be up to something else."

"Like what?"

Carol thought about it, then giggled at something that Ross had told her once. "They could be cooking naked!"

Susan laughed wickedly, "Yeah, Joey's giving Chandler a cooking lesson, all right, but not in the kitchen." After further thought, she looked somewhat concerned. "Hey, you don't think they only got together because of our month of punishment, do you?"

Carol frowned and wasn't sure. "I don't know. That would be awful, if it was just the fake marriage and us denying them women and porn. I always thought that those two would make a nice couple."

Susan nodded. "Wait, remember Ross telling us about that moment on this couch? 'I always thought that if you were gay, you'd want me.' Doesn't that sound more like a wish than a hypothetical?"

"Yeah. It sounds like a crush waiting to blossom. Especially with their kiss afterward." Carol sipped her coffee pensively. "So what should we do now? Tell Monica and Rachel?"

"Well, we don't have any actual proof of sex, you know. And we don't know if it's for real, or if they're just... taking their fake marriage way too seriously."

"Right," Carol sighed and got worried. "It could be a very delicate situation if they're still in denial at all."

Susan suggested, "Can't we do something about it at the coming out party?"

"Oh!" Reminded of that event, Carol groaned and felt a headache coming on. "We've already postponed that once! Now these guys throw us for another loop and don't even bother to tell us."

"I know." Susan shrugged and joked, "There's no way that we can slip some 'How do I know if I'm gay?' books into their apartment, huh? You know, just convince the guys that the books were in the original piles that we gave them at the beginning of the month? Joey might be fooled by that, but not Chandler."

"Yeah. You know, if they really are gay, don't you think they should have figured it out years ago by themselves instead of making us be their matchmakers?"

Susan smirked. "Yeah, what are we--their fairy godmothers?"

Carol giggled. "More like puppeteers. We had to blackmail Joey and Chandler, and order them all around."

Susan nodded. "Yeah, and before we got involved, this group got it so wrong that Monica was with Chandler! Talk about a sick relationship!"

Carol flopped back against the couch, laughing heartily.

Susan grinned and kissed her. "How about we go home, huh?"