For a week, Joey tried to convince Chandler of his love, but none of his attempts worked. Chandler regarded any sweet gestures that Joey made as pity or kindness, and any loving words Joey spoke as nonsense that must be hushed and ignored. Likewise, any kind of sex they had, no matter how tender or rough, no matter who took what position, was just lust to Chandler. Just a blissful fantasy that would eventually come to an end, so they should make the most of it while it lasted.
Why couldn't Chandler believe him? Was he afraid that if he believed in this love, then Joey would cheat on him and leave him, just like Janice, Kathy, and Monica? If only Chandler wasn't so insecure, and if only Joey didn't have such a poor track record when it came to fidelity.
Once, while they were making out, Chandler got upset when Joey reached to remove Chandler's wedding ring, and he downright panicked when he suddenly noticed Joey's lack of jewelry. "Where's your ring? Did you lose--Oh God!" he gasped with realization. "Are you going back to girls now? Oh God!"
"No! I meant--"
But Chandler didn't listen, already starting to sob and fall apart. "Oh God! I'm not ready! I'm not--"
Reaching into his pocket, Joey quickly put his ring back on and hugged Chandler close. "No, no!" Joey soothed him with tender kisses, "I only meant that we should take off the rings 'cause we don't need a fake marriage to be together. I wanna be with you anyway, Chandler. I wanna--"
"No, I want the rings," Chandler interrupted. "I want them."
Joey watched his eyes. "Why? If the fake marriage bothers you--"
Chandler shrugged and couldn't really explain. "I just want them. When I'm at work and thinking about you, and I look at the ring..." He got a peaceful, faraway look in his eyes. "And sometimes people in the office will go by and say, 'Still on your honeymoon, huh?' or 'Did you guys want gifts, 'cause we didn't know about the wedding.' And it's just... nice."
Joey smiled and kissed him. "It is nice." He nodded encouragingly. "So nice just to be here, with you."
Chandler nuzzled his neck and asked softly, "Please don't come to my office anymore."
Joey looked hurt and bewildered. "Why not? They like me. Everything was fine."
But Chandler blushed at the memory of the visit. Joey had surprised him today at his office and asked him out to lunch. As they left together, Joey had kept kissing and touching Chandler constantly in front of everybody. This didn't cause any real problems, because it was a gay friendly company, but Chandler's boss Doug behaved obnoxiously.
Chandler insisted, "You shouldn't have come, Joe. You'll get a reputation, and people will talk--"
"They were already talking about us, remember? They didn't believe that we were just roommates."
"I know," Chandler nodded. "But it's different now. The way you look at me now, the way you touch me..."
"Yeah?" Joey asked, pulling Chandler closer in his arms.
Chandler sighed and laid his head against Joey's shoulder. He muttered sadly, "Why do you have to be so nice to me? It's like some dream, and I don't want to wake up."
"You don't have to, Chandler. I'm right here. It's real--"
"Shh!" Chandler still refused to believe him. "Stop it."
Joey frowned and exhaled in frustration. If only Chandler would listen to him.
After a silence, Chandler spoke up with guilt. "I'm sorry, Joe. I'm sorry I got so upset. If you're ready to go back to girls, I shouldn't make you stay with me. I'm sorry."
"Chandler, I want to stay! I told you, I--"
He hushed Joey again and kissed him coaxingly. "Don't talk. Let's go to bed."
"Chandler!"
"Please!" he begged. "Just one more night. I'll do that thing you like. Please!" He showered Joey with kisses and pressed his body closer.
Joey tried to resist, but found Chandler's hands roving familiarly all over him, and he felt especially tempted when Chandler sat on his lap. He gulped. "But you have to listen to me afterward. You have to let me talk and not interrupt."
"Okay, okay. Kiss me!"
They shared another hot, lingering kiss, then returned to Chandler's bed and made love again. Once they were naked, Joey murmured, "See how I like that, Chandler? See how I still want you?"
"Oh, Joe," Chandler moaned passionately.
"This isn't one last night. This isn't the end."
Chandler shushed him by doing that thing Joey liked, rendering him incapable of coherent speech. Joey gave in to the pleasure and decided to save words for later.
Afterward, they lay there contentedly, and Chandler almost jokingly asked for a cigarette. Instead he just snuggled up to Joey and closed his eyes.
Joey turned and shook him gently to make sure he was awake. "You ready to listen now, Chandler? No interrupting."
Chandler frowned but reluctantly opened his eyes and looked attentive. "Okay."
"Good!" Joey thought about where to begin. "Okay, first--didn't you notice how, this past month, I was the one who wanted to kiss all the time?"
Chandler shrugged indifferently.
Joey prompted him, "Come on, it didn't seem weird to you at all? You got nervous sometimes and had to hide in your bedroom."
Chandler cleared his throat and admitted, "That was, that was because I started having these dreams about you. Um, sex dreams. I was liking the kisses too much."
"Well what about me, then? You don't think I could have started liking the kisses too?"
"But, but you're an actor, Joe. And you were following the rules of the punishment."
"No I wasn't! I was doing way more than the rules, and you know it. I even came onto you long before Monica broke up with you."
"You were desperate for sex. You would've done it with anybody then."
"No! I wanted you, Chandler. I wanted--" He exhaled and pointed out, "I kissed you at New Year's, remember? I bought you that bracelet and the big TV and the leather chairs. I was jealous of Kip, and Eddie, and even Ross sometimes 'cause I wanted you to like me the best. I kept waiting and waiting for you to come onto me, and you never did."
Chandler started to speak, but Joey hushed him and continued, "Then all of a sudden you were with Monica, and I couldn't stand seeing you guys kissing or touching. I hated keeping your secret for you, and when I heard you in bed with her, I wanted--I wanted to be there. I wanted to feel it. I told myself it was about her, but it's you, Chandler. Only you." Joey kissed him and stroked his hair. "And you know, after Vegas, you said you were moving to her place, and I cried so much. I couldn't help it. Then we started this whole insurance thing, and it was so great when you said you'd stay another month with me. Then Carol and Susan started torturing us, but I actually liked it sometimes. It was nice being with you, and kissing you, and wondering if you wanted me too. But then I felt guilty about Monica, and maybe things were moving too fast, and maybe you were just confused, so I shouldn't take advantage. That's why I understand that you're afraid about me now, but you don't have to be, Chandler. I'm not confused, not anymore. If you want us to slow down, we can do that. Let's go on dates or something. Let's go out to a movie, or dinner--"
"No!" Chandler finally interrupted and pulled Joey closer. "No, let's just stay here. I like it here, Joe. I like--" He kissed Joey deeply to illustrate.
Joey broke it off and said, "I like it too, but we can't stay at home forever. The gang will wonder about us, you know? Besides, why can't we go out anymore? Why's it all right when we're being punished, but not now?"
Chandler looked anxious and jealous. "I just, I just don't want you to see some girl, and want her, and leave me--"
"I won't, Chandler. I promise I won't."
"But you will! Someday you will--"
"Chandler! Did you even listen to anything I said? I've wanted you for a long time. I've been waiting for this, and I'm not gonna let it go now."
Chandler frowned skeptically. "If, if you really felt all that, Joe, why didn't you make a move on me before? Why didn't you sneak into my bedroom one night, or stop chasing bridesmaids in London, or kiss me some other New Year's?"
"'Cause I didn't really know all my feelings yet, and I needed you to make a move and show me that you were really gay. Sometimes you were so... you know, but you kept denying it and not wanting me to kiss you. You'd get drunk and kiss everybody else, but never me. Plus, you were being all mean in London and acting like I embarrassed you so much. Like I'm not good enough for you or something." He sighed. "We fight like crazy sometimes, you know, but if you had just told me you were jealous of that bridesmaid, I would've ditched her in a second. I would've done anything you wanted."
"You would've?"
Joey nodded sincerely. "Yeah."
Chandler smiled and kissed him. "Show me," he whispered and pulled Joey closer. "Show me everything."
Joey recognized that tone of voice. "I don't mean just sex. I mean--"
But Chandler interrupted with a growl and suggested some exciting scenarios in Joey's ear, which made it difficult to concentrate on anything besides sex. Joey couldn't resist Chandler's nakedness either.
"Chandler, no. We can have sex any time--"
"Like now!" Chandler bit him and forcefully rolled Joey onto his back. He teased and licked and fondled until Joey began to cooperate, and even then he wouldn't let Joey have control of the sex. Chandler was demanding and insatiable, wanting to make the most of what he still feared would be "one last night" before Joey would leave him.
Joey bit his lip to keep from saying "I love you" again, knowing that he shouldn't repeat it until Chandler was prepared to hear it and believe it. So he just let Chandler be as aggressive as he liked, to show him that Joey still wanted him when he wasn't "feminine" or "submissive".
Suddenly wanting a change, Chandler even decided to switch bedrooms so that he could have the thrill of screwing Joey in Joey's own bed. They hurriedly ran right past the chick and the duck, who were watching TV in the living room; by now the birds were completely used to being left to themselves while their owners played naked games in private. So long as they were fed and entertained by the TV, they were fine.
"Oh God, are you ever gonna forgive me for this when you're straight again?"
Joey breathlessly tried to answer him, "Nothing to forgive. And I won't be strai--"
Chandler pounded into him more fiercely and stuffed a thumb into Joey's mouth, demanding that he suck it. Joey obeyed and arched backward to meet Chandler's thrusts. Chandler completely wore Joey out, and they collapsed on the bed with deep satisfaction.
The next morning, after Chandler had left for work, Joey woke up in his bed and felt the new ache inside his body. It was a good ache, though, and Joey thought he could get used to it just as much as Chandler could get used to his reciprocal aches. But then, Joey sat up and found a note on the night-stand.
In Chandler's handwriting, it read, "Thank you so much. If you don't come home tonight, I'll understand, Joe. But if you want to bring the girl here, please call me ahead of time so I can go stay at Phoebe's place or something. Thank you, thank you, thank you."
Joey sighed and realized that he still wasn't getting through. Maybe he really ought to get some advice from Carol and Susan now.
