JENNIE

One Monday afternoon, I ran into Taehyung in town, and he kept calling my name.

I tried my best to ignore him, but he wouldn't let up. "Jennie Ruby Jane! Jennie!"

I gave up and turned to face him. "What is it, Taehyung?" I whisper-shouted, not wanting to draw any attention to us.

"I…" He raced his hand over his buzzed haircut. "I think we need to talk about things. I know you're angry, but we're still married, Jen. You can't just avoid dealing with me."

"You mean how you avoided dealing with me for the past eight months?"

"I know I didn't handle that well, and I want to apologize for that. Things have been a bit complicated."

"Rosé's pregnant with your kid. Plus, she told me you told her that I left you. Really, Taehyung? Is that how you get women to bang you? By making me out to be the monster?"

He lowered his head and cringed a bit. "I've made a lot of mistakes, but I'm trying my best to learn and own up to them. I owe you more apologies than I can even express, and I just want to have an open dialogue so we can talk. I think maybe marriage therapy… Or maybe we could start praying together again? Remember when we used to pray together?"

"Yes, and then each night you told me you were too tired to kneel beside me."

"I've been so lost, Jennie. I just…I need you back. I don't do well without you in my life."

What?

I was baffled.

Completely baffled by his words.

"You disgust me," I told him, turning around and walking away.

There was nothing therapy, prayer, or apologies could fix between us.

He shattered our relationship all on his own, and the pieces would never fit back together.

"Why are you sleeping with her?" Taehyung asked, his voice not low at all, forcing me to turn back around.

"Excuse me?"

"Is it to get back at me? Because I hurt you?"

"I cannot believe you right now."

"She's dangerous, Jennie, and like, what? Half your age?"

"She's twenty-four, Taehyung. That's nowhere near half my age."

"Yeah, but #he's pretty much a kid compared to you. Plus, she sleeps with everyone in town."

"It seems that you two have something in common," I remarked, rolling my eyes.

"Do you really want to be just another number to her? You're not being smart, Jennie, or safe. She could have caught something from those other women. She could be passing it on to you."

He didn't see it, did he? How ironic it was that he—my cheating husband—was telling me how I was being unsafe when he had the nerve to crawl into bed with me many nights after his countless affairs.

"We're not talking about this," I told him.

"Okay, well, it's clear that you won't talk to me or your mom, but you need to talk to someone. Maybe Yeri? She's always been levelheaded. You need an outlet that isn't Lisa Manoban."

"You don't get to have any input on my life anymore. You are no longer involved in what I do during my free time. The same way I'm no longer involved in yours."

I walked off to Yeri's house, trying my best to shake off Taehyung and his words.

He was like a nasty tick that wouldn't leave me alone. Worst of all, he seemed delusional. Almost as if he expected me to simply let his infidelity slide because my love should be strong enough to forgive any wrongdoing he bestowed on me.

As I returned to Yeri's place, I paused on her front porch as I glanced through the window. My sister stood behind a podium with a wooden spoon in her hand as if it were a microphone, and she projected her voice as if speaking to a packed auditorium. The more I listened, the more I understood what she was doing: she was giving a sermon.

My heart jumped a little because she was doing amazing, too. I'd never seen that side of Yeri. I didn't even know she was interested in preaching.

When she turned to look out the window and saw me, she quickly dropped the spoon. Rushing in my direction, she flung the door open. "What are you doing, Jennie?" she asked, red in the face.

"Yeri"—I stared at her with my eyes wide—"you're preaching."

"I'm not," she snapped, smoothing out her dress. "I'm not a preacher. I was bored and just messing around."

I shook my head. "Well, you looked and sounded like a preacher for a second there."

Her eyes glassed over, and a flash of hope filled her gaze. "Really?"

"Really, really."

She puffed out a breath of air. "It's just silly," she told me. "I just play around a bit, that's all."

I walked into the foyer and gave her a small grin. "But if you did want to do it as more than playing around, I could talk to Dad…"

"Please don't," she said quickly. "It's not worth it. I'm happy teaching Bible study and running events around town."

"You deserve more than that, though," I told her. "Before Dad found out I was going to be a teacher, he talked to me about taking over the church after him. Lord knows that's something I would never want, but you'd be great at it! I mean, if you just—"

"Jennie, come on, just drop it, okay?" she begged, clearly uncomfortable with the idea. I saw how she flinched, so I did as she asked and dropped it. "Are you excited for the Peach Festival coming up?" she asked me.

Each year, the town held a big festival to celebrate the sweetest peaches in all of Georgia. It was a huge event with carnival rides, barbecue, and fireworks that had been going on for years, but it was the first year Yeri was fully in charge of every aspect of it.

"I am! Anything you need, let me know."

She bit her bottom lip. "Do you mean that? Anything?"

I cocked an eyebrow. "What are you getting at?"

"Well, the day of the event Mama needs some help with some baking…"

I groaned. It was no secret that Mama and I weren't on the best terms. Then again, I knew how much the festival going well meant to Yeri, so I'd do my best to put up with Mama's annoyance for her.

"I can do that for you."

She squeaked. "Thank you, thank you. You have no clue how much stress that takes off me."

"Always and always," I told her. "I was actually just coming to change real quick before going out."

"Oh? Where are you going?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

My cheeks heated up in response to the way she asked her question. As if she already knew where I was heading.

"There's been a lot of talk about you and Lisa Manoban," she told me. "Mama is pretty livid about it."

"When isn't Mama livid about something I'm doing lately?" I joked, feeling my nerves build in my stomach. I'd have been lying if I'd said it didn't bother me that my relationship with my mother seemed so damaged lately. All my life, I'd done my best to make her proud, and now it seemed as if all I did was disappoint her.

Yeri gave me a small frown. "I just want to make sure you're okay. I know what happened with Taehyung and Rosé is a lot, and I cannot even imagine what's going on in your head, you know? I just don't want you to get hurt even more by the likes of someone like Lisa Manoban. She's a terrible person."

"Sge's better than Taehyung," I told her, my voice shaky.

"Just because she's better doesn't mean she's good."

"Yeri—"

"I don't want to parent you, Jennie. Lord knows the last thing you need is another Mama coming down on you, but I just want you to be careful. I know your heart is broken, and I don't want anyone else adding bruises to it."

"You worry about me too much, little sister," I joked.

"It's not too much worry. It's the perfect amount. I just love you, is all."

"I love you too," I told her. "Always and always."

If Mama had approached me the same way Yeri did with her worries for me, it would've been different. Where Mama was harsh, Yeri was gentle. They both wanted the best for me, it seemed, but Mama had a hard time expressing it in a kind way. Perhaps she and Lisa had more in common than they thought. They struggled with expressing themselves.

I understood why everyone worried about Lisa being in my life lately. They were still looking at the out-of-focus version of her the people of small-town Chester had crafted.

Me, on the other hand—I was fully zoomed in.

When I arrived at Lisa's place as we had planned, I was a bit thrown off. I sent her a text message and waited for a while, before giving up and heading home. It was the first time in all our time together that she hadn't answered my messages or returned my calls. Plus, whenever I planned to head over, she was always waiting.

I did my best not to overthink it. Lisa had her own life, and I had mine. It was just nice when they crashed together.

A few days passed, and I still hadn't heard from Lisa at all. I knew we didn't have the kind of relationship where I had any right to worry, but I did. It was hard not to, knowing that there were so many storm clouds in that head of his.

I left novels in her corner at the bookshop, but each day when I returned, the Post-it notes were untouched, which only made my nerves build more.

After not hearing from her for five days, I tossed on some clothes and headed over to Lisa's place to check in on her. When she didn't answer the door, I walked toward the auto shop, but she was nowhere to be found. Then, I walked around the building and saw her with that sledgehammer in her grip, hammering away at a new broken-down car. Her white shirt was tucked into the side of her jeans as she swung the hammer into the glass windows.

Her arms were muscular and tan as if she'd spent the past few days standing directly in the sun. I cleared my throat loudly, and watched her body react to the sound. She knew I was there, but she didn't look my way.

After opening and closing my mouth a few times, I finally built up the nerve to ask her a question. "Is everything okay? I haven't seen you around the bookshop lately, and when I called you, I didn't get a reply."

She swung the hammer up and then dented the hood of the car. "Been busy."

She still hadn't turned to look at me.

"Oh, well…okay…I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

She didn't reply.

I wished I could crawl into Lisa's head and see what she was thinking about. I knew her issues went much deeper than she let on. I should've let her be and allowed her to have her alone time, but something in my heart told me not to leave. Something in my heart was asking me to stay.

"Lisa, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Lisa, come on. You can talk to—"

"Can we not fucking do this?!" she barked. The sledgehammer dropped to her side, and she finally looked up at me. "Can you just leave?" she snapped, sending chills down my back. She was acting like the monster I'd first met when I came into town, and I didn't have a clue why.

A tear fell from my eye. Her coldness stung me a lot harder than I'd thought it would. The last time I'd seen her, it had felt like we were finally getting somewhere, like she was finally knocking down the wall she'd built up over the years.

Plus, lately, she seemed like the only thing that brought me comfort, and I was convinced everyone in town was wrong about her. Now, though, she was acting exactly how the townspeople viewed her—like a nasty beast.

I sniffled a bit before wiping the tear away and then nodding. "I'm sorry."

I turned to walk away and heard her mutter, "Shit," before she called my name. When I turned around, she was facing me, sweat dripping down every inch of her body as if the sun was only beaming its rays on her. Every inch of her was soaked, every inch of her wet. I felt my cheeks heat as my stomach began to flip back and forth.

"I'm in a shitty mood," she said, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand. I pretended the nerves forming in my gut weren't real as I nodded her way. She crossed her arms, and kept talking. "And my mind is really messed up right now."

She dug her palms into her eyes before she moved those same hands to her mouth and tapped repeatedly while her spoke. "Like really fucked up, but instead of trying to decipher my thoughts, or go find some shit to make me forget, I've decided to be in a really shitty mood and fuck up this car in my backyard. I understand where you're coming from, and I appreciate the hand you're reaching out to me, but if I talk to you right now, I'll probably be an asshole, and I don't want to be an asshole to you because you're good. You're a good thing, but I will break if you keep pushing me, and I can be a real asshole, Jennie. Then you'll hate me, and I'll feel bad about it, so…I just need my alone time to feel like shit for a while."

I nodded once more. Beating up on that car was her outlet to her anger, to her hurt. It was the safety belt keeping her from falling down the rabbit hole, and I'd interrupted that.

Walking back home, I felt foolish for crossing the line with Lisa.

How naïve was I to think she'd let me in?