JENNIE
It had been a few days since Lisa asked me to leave her alone, and I hadn't heard a word from her until she walked over to my corner of the bookshop on a Wednesday evening.
"Hi," she whispered, standing tall with her hands stuffed deep into the pockets of her black jeans.
"Hi," I replied just as quietly.
"I owe you an apology—" she started, but I cut her off.
"No, I owe you an apology. You made it clear that you needed time, but I didn't listen, and I'm sorry for that. You asked for your space, and I didn't give it to you."
A person shushed me, but then when they saw Lisa give them an intense look, they said, "Never mind," as they stood and walked away.
I'd never seen a stare so powerful.
She brushed her hand against the back of her neck and sighed. "I don't know how to handle people wanting to know if I'm okay. I reacted poorly, and I just wanted to apologize for the way I treated you. You deserved better."
"It's truly okay, I promise. Are you okay, though?"
"No," she replied. "But that's normal."
I wished she understood that there was nothing normal about not being okay.
"You can talk to me, you know. I know it's against the rules and all, but you can, Lisa. I'm a safe place."
I watched her Adam's apple move as she swallowed hard, and her body began to tremble. She parted her lips to speak, but her eyes glazed over before any words could escape her mouth. She fought hard to keep the tears at bay, but by the way her body shook, I knew she was close to losing the battle.
I stood from my seat and moved closer to her. "What is it? What's wrong?"
She cleared her throat, and her bottom lip twitched. "Kai's gone."
"What?" I gasped, placing my hand on her arm. "What do you mean gone? What happened?"
"He, um, he passed away five days ago. I woke up, and he couldn't even walk. I took him to the vet and was told he was in organ failure. They said he probably wouldn't have made it through the week, so I had to make the decision to put him down."
"Oh my gosh…Lisa…" I moved to hug her, and I watched her body tense up. "I'm so sorry."
"It's fine."
"It's not."
"Yeah, but—"
"Lisa, this isn't the part where you argue with me."
"Then what part is this?" She asked.
"This is the part where you let me hold you."
She separated her lips to speak but surrendered as her shoulders slumped forward. Shw nodded her head a little, and within seconds, I'd wrapped my arms tightly around her. I held on as I felt her tense body slowly relax against mine.
When she asked me to let go, I held on tighter because I knew she needed me close in that moment. After a while, she stepped back and pressed the palms of her hands against her eyes, shaking her head.
"Will you do something with me?"
"Anything," I promised. "Whatever you need, I'm there."
We walked through the wooded area of Lisa's property. She held a box in her hands, and as we walked farther through the trees, we reached a clearing. There was open land, and the setting sun touched every corner of the space. In the middle of the field sat an easel with a canvas resting on it. There were paint supplies surrounding the stand, and a small cross made with paintbrushes.
"That's where we buried my mother's ashes," she told me. "This is where we were supposed to build her art studio. I just thought it would be nice to have Kai buried beside her."
"I think that's a beautiful idea, Lisa."
She set the box on the ground then pulled out Kai's stuffed elephant toy and his water and food dishes. Then she pulled out the small urn of ashes and set it down. She cleared her throat, and as she stood, she grimaced. I took her hand into mine and squeezed it lightly.
"He saved my life," she told me with a somber look. "A few years ago when I overdosed, Kai found me and led Alex from the auto shop to me." She swallowed hard, and her voice cracked. "He's the reason I'm alive today."
My heart kept breaking for Lisa's pain. I held her hand a little tighter but didn't offer any words. There were no words for a story like that. Just thankfulness that Lisa was still alive and well.
"I don't know how to say goodbye," she softly spoke, staring at the empty bowls.
"Then don't. Just say good night until tomorrow."
Lisa closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she moved over to Kai's final resting place and kneeled. I stepped back a bit, wanting to give her as much space and time as she needed. I didn't move too far back, though, because I needed her to feel my presence. I needed her to know she wasn't alone even though she had her space.
"Hey, buddy," she said, her voice smooth like whiskey. "I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to let you go." She sniffled, wiping her nose with her hand. "You were a good boy, the definition of unconditional love. When everyone left me, you stayed near. You loved me on the days I didn't deserve it. You stood by my side on the good days and the bad. You put up with my moods and loved me regardless of my shortcomings." She sniffled and lowered herself to the ground, laying her hand upon the grass. "You were there when I had nothing. You're the best friend I've ever had, and I'm not gonna lie; this hurts.
"This hurts more than I knew it would, but you wouldn't want me to fall apart, so I won't. I don't believe in heaven, but today I will for you. I hope you're running through the biggest park filled with bones and chew toys. You were the best dog I could've ever wished for, and I can never thank you enough. I love you, Kai. I always will. Always and always. Good night until tomorrow."
My ears perked up as the words 'always and always' fell from Lisa's tongue. She didn't even know what she'd said, but my family's words had just fallen from her lips. I felt the chills as they caused goose bumps all along my arms.
As she stood, she wiped the tears from her cheeks and turned my way with the saddest gaze I'd ever seen. Without a word, I wrapped my arms around her.
She rested her forehead against mine and inhaled slowly. "Jennie Ruby Jane?"
"Yes?"
Her lips brushed against mine as her eyes slowly shut. "I'm really glad you exist."
