The next week passed well. Nora had two more days of not getting sick before daycare and Rowan also went an entire day without a tantrum or breakdown both of which felt like huge wins.

Maya had decently good days most of the time, though she did have one day where she was forced to stay in bed with fluids running all day and a bucket within arm's reach. Every time the nausea would flare like that, it would make Maya feel more and more defeated and honestly, she was mentally struggling more than she cared to admit at the moment. She was trying to just push through it because she knew that there was nothing she could do about her body not doing what she wanted, but it was getting harder.

However, today was different. Today was a good day that she was excited for. They were having their 20-week appointment today which meant they were going to have their anatomy scan and get to see the baby in more detail.

Now that she could feel the baby moving, she felt slightly more relaxed that Trottolino was ok, but she was hoping that seeing them and hearing from Dr. Johnson that everything was ok would help her brain calm down and maybe help her feel less overwhelmed and frustrated with her body.

She was up early not feeling well, struggling to get comfortable as she fought her stomach and while she didn't get more sleep, she did manage to not get sick which was something. Carina had woken up when Maya started tossing and turning, trying to help her with cool cloths and just being there to support her which helped some, but Maya still felt bad about keeping her wife up.

By the time the twins woke up, Maya was alright enough to come downstairs to help with breakfast. Her appointment wasn't until the afternoon, but both she and Carina had to work this morning so it was business as usual in the Bishop-Deluca house.

Maya's diet still basically only consisted of the few food she had been eating since the beginning of her pregnancy though she had been able to add in cheddar cheese and pickles of all things. She still ate a lot of fruit and nuts and the only drinks she was able to manage were lemonade and orange rehydration drink, but it was something.

This particular morning, much to her own dismay, her body decided it needed pickles mixed with yogurt and strawberries. It sounded so gross in theory, but something about the salty and sweet and creamy tasted so good to her.

"I do not understand why I can't eat eggs or meat or protein shakes and yet my body happily takes this," Maya said as she took another bite of her breakfast.

"It's what you and Trottolino need right now," Carina said as she sat down with her own bowl of fruit and yogurt minus the pickles, "It's not even that gross."

"Mommy, tan we go to the park today?" Nora asked.

"Well, you both have to go to daycare today," Maya said, "And Mamma and I have to go to work."

"But after?" Nora asked, "Pwease?"

"We'll see ok?" Carina said, "If it's not raining, I will take you to the park after daycare, ok?"

"No, Mommy too," Nora said, shaking her head.

"Piccola, I will try very hard to come to the park after daycare today, ok?" Maya said, "But I am pretty tired because my tummy wasn't feeling well last night so I might need to take a nap."

"Are you going to go to the hospipal?" Nora asked, tears welling up in her eyes.

"No," Maya said quickly, "No. See, I am eating breakfast which is a good thing. It means I don't have to go to the hospital, ok? But I might have to take a nap in my bed upstairs after work today, ok? But I will try to come to the park."

"Ok," Nora said, wiping her eyes, "I don't want you to go to the hospipal."

"I know," Maya said, "I don't want to go either. Not until it's time for Trottolino to be born. But remember, I have to stay healthy and Trottolino has to stay healthy and sometimes that means I have to go to the hospital. But not right now."

Nora nodded, reaching her hand over and placing it over Maya's, the blonde smiling at her. The rest of breakfast was calm and soon enough, everyone was dressed and heading out the door.

"I will see you at 1 for your appointment?" Carina confirmed, looking at her wife as she went to give her a kiss after they finished getting the twins into the car.

"1 pm," Maya nodded, "We will be there. I love you."

"I love you too," Carina said, kissing her wife before leaning down and kissing Trottolino as well, "See you both later."

"Bye," Maya said, waving as Carina pulled out of the garage before heading to her own car.

Maya headed to the station, spending the next few hours trying to concentrate but between her random shooting pelvic pain, swells of nausea, tiny baby flutters and her anxiety about the appointment, that was easier said than done. She did manage to get through a few things that had to be done before it was time for her to leave.

"Heading home Chief?" Andy asked.

"I am actually going for my 20-week anatomy scan today," Maya said.

"It's crazy that you are already 20 weeks pregnant," Andy said, shaking her head, "This baby is going to be here before you know it."

"I know," Maya said, resting her hand on her bump, "Part of me is not ready, but a bigger part of me is ready to not be pregnant anymore. I mean, I want the baby to keep growing and be healthy. I just…being pregnant is exhausting."

"Believe me, I know," Andy said, "I mean, mine was very different than yours, but there is a reason we decided to adopt Ronnie instead of me getting pregnant again. Now go. I hope your scan goes well. Enjoy seeing my little nephew."

"Oh god, not you too," Maya said, rolling her eyes, "We are not finding out if the baby is a boy or a girl until they are born."

"Oh, I know," Andy said, "But the station hasn't had a baby boy since Luca so it's time."

"You all are so weird," Maya said, shaking her head, "I'm gonna go."

"Bye," Andy said, "Can't wait to see pictures of me nephew."

Maya got in her car, chuckling a little to herself as she headed to the hospital. For as annoying as her friends were, it was also comforting to know they had so many people in their lives who cared so much about the kids.

She had always head the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" but growing up, she had no village. There were no aunts or uncles or grandparents or friends coming around. It was only when she got older and realized her father was abusive that she realized he had isolated them from their potential village. She was glad her children would have lots of people in their lives to help them and to care for them and to just be there for them whenever they needed it.

She pulled into Grey Sloan, parking before heading up to her wife's office.

"Hi Bambina," Carina said, not looking up from her computer, "Let me just…there. Done. Ciao."

"Hi," Maya said, walking over to her wife.

"How are you two doing this afternoon?" Carina asked, wrapping her arms around her wife.

"Well, Trottolino has been moving all around," Maya said, "I think they are excited to say hi. And my stomach and pelvis have not been the best, but I didn't get sick and I could sit in my chair and get work done so that's a win."

"Sorry you aren't feeling well," Carina said, rubbing her back.

"I think part of it is just my anxiety," Maya shrugged, "I'll be ok."

"Are you ready to go to your appointment?" Carina asked.

"Yeah," Maya said, "Let's do this thing."

Carina grabbed her keys, making sure her office was locked before slipping her hand into her wife's as they walked to the other part of the floor where Maya would have her appointment. Maya got checked in, a nurse taking them back, grabbing a quick weight on Maya before showing them to the exam room.

After a set of vitals and the standard beginning of appointment questions to check the boxes, the nurse gave Maya a blanket and asked her to take off her pants and underwear before she left them to wait.

"What happens during this appointment again?" Maya asked as she sat on the table, Carina standing next to her, rubbing her lower back gently.

"Well, normally, a tech would come in and do your scan, but Danielle is going to do it for you, mostly because I think she doesn't want me reading it as the tech is going so she is going to do it. And she is going to measure everything about the baby. Their size and length and all their body parts to make sure they are there and growing properly and she will also check your uterus and the umbilical cord and placenta and the amniotic fluid levels and check your cervix," Carina said, "And then she will also do some other checks on you to make sure you are healthy."

"Did you see I put on 2 lbs.?" Maya said, "I mean, I know I am still down from my pre-pregnancy weight, but 2 lbs. is good right?"

"It is very good," Carina nodded, "It means you and Trottolino are getting stronger. I know you have still not been feeling very well, but you have been keeping food down much better."

"I'm still getting sick at least once five out of seven days," Maya sighed, "I really thought it would go away by now."

"I know," Carina said as Maya leaned on her chest, "I hoped it would too. But, the good news is, you are halfway though this pregnancy so it will come to an end soon, one way or another."

Maya nodded, not moving from her place on Carina's chest. They stayed like that until there was a knock on the door, Dr. Johnson walking in.

"Hello," she said, smiling at both of them, "How are we doing today?"

"Pretty ok," Maya said.

"How has the nausea been?" Dr. Johnson asked as she washed her hands.

"Up and down," Maya said, "We were just talking about this. I'm still getting sick about once a day most days, and I am still having one day a week where I am flat on my back because I feel so bad, and I have nausea that sometimes interrupts my ability to sleep or function normally, but things are better than they were a few weeks ago."

"Are you still taking your meds?" Dr. Johnson asked.

"Every day," Maya nodded, "And wearing my Zofran pump and getting fluids at night."

"Ok," Dr. Johnson said, nodding, "I was thinking maybe we could maybe try weaning you off your meds, but I don't think that is a good idea at this point so we will just keep going with the same doses."

"Is it ok that I am still on them?" Maya asked, biting her lip.

"Yes," Dr. Johnson said, "It's totally fine. And those medications are helping you keep food down and stay hydrated which is extremely important. I just figured the pump is probably not always the easiest and neither is the PICC line, but if they are helping you, we are going to keep you on them. Has the pump and the fluids been going ok?"

"Yeah," Maya said as Carina nodded.

"Si," Carina nodded, "And I give her more fluids on days she's struggling with nausea and especially vomiting to keep her hydrated."

"Good," Dr. Johnsons said, "That is what I like to hear. Now, I see you have put back on 2 lbs. which is good. Any weight on is a win at this point. And you BP is still low, but it is still within normal range. How has the dizziness been?"

"If I am careful getting up, it's fine," Maya said, "I just have to take it slow but once I am up and moving, I'm good."

"Alright," Dr. Johnson said, "Well, let's start your exam?"

"Sounds good," Maya nodded as Carina helped her lay down on the bed.

"I am just going to measure your fundal height first," Dr. Johnson said, grabbing a tape measure and putting it on Maya's belly, looking at the number, picking up the tape and measuring again, nodding a little.

"What?" Carina asked, knowing measuring twice was not normal.

"She's measuring a bit small," Dr. Johnson said, "Like 17-18 weeks, which can be a normal finding considering the HG. The baby had looked good on every ultrasound up until now so it is probably nothing to be too concerned about, but we shall see when we do the ultrasound."

"What does it mean that I am measuring behind?" Maya asked.

"It just means that the size of your uterus is smaller than we would expect for someone who is as far along as you are," Dr. Johnsons said, grabbing the ultrasound gel and the probe, "But like I said, it could just be your HG. Let's take a look at your baby, ok? That will give us a better picture of what's going on. You still don't want to know the sex correct?"

"Right," Carina said as Maya nodded a little, "Just tell me when to look away."

"Ok," Dr. Johnson said, putting the probe on Maya's stomach, "Oh, and here is baby."

"They are moving around in there a lot lately," Maya said, smiling as she saw the baby wiggling on the screen.

"That's good," Dr. Johnson said, "Ok, I am going to start with the baby's head and just do a thorough exam."

Maya and Carina held hands as Dr. Johnson started with the scan of the brain, going through all the structures out loud to reassure both Maya and Carina that things were looking good. She went through every part of Trottolino's body, informing Maya and Carina every step of the way that everything looked exactly how it should.

The last thing she did was take some measurements to get an estimated weight and height on the baby, Carina frowning as she read out the measurements.

"What?" Maya asked, seeing the look on her wife's face.

"The baby is measuring about a 10 days behind what I would expect," Dr. Johnson said, "Nothing that is worrying at this point. These measurements aren't always perfect. Many babies measure behind and are perfectly healthy. And with your HG, I would be surprised if the baby was measuring exactly where they should be. We will keep an eye on it, but at this point, I don't want you to worry too much. Everything else looks incredibly healthy. Your placenta and the umbilical cord look good. The subchorionic hematoma is still there, but it hasn't gotten any bigger. I am not seeing anything that is out of the ordinary other than the baby's size. I know hearing the baby is small can be scary, but it can be normal. It is possible the baby is just going to be small. I am going to have you come back in two weeks instead of four, just to check in on things and make sure the baby is still progressing ok? But it is just out of an abundance of precaution, not because I am anticipating anything changing."

"Is there anything I can do to help them?" Maya asked, trying to keep her emotions numb for now.

"Just keep doing what you are doing," Dr. Johnson said, "Try to get as many calories as your body can take, but also, I don't want you pushing it because if you are getting sick, it will not help. Really, just keep doing what you are though, ok? And I know this is going to sound impossible but try not to worry too much about it. Like I said, the baby might just be small. You are not a giant, Maya, and it is possible the baby is just taking after you."

The blonde nodded as Carina squeezed her hand, pressing a kiss to it.

"Ok, I want to do a quick cervical check," Dr. Johnson said, "Just to make sure everything is looking good there."

"Ok," Maya said, moving down a bit so she could get her feet in the stirrups as Dr. Johnson pulled on some gloves.

"Ok, a little pressure," Dr. Johnson said as she began the exam, quickly measuring Maya's cervix.

"Alright, your cervical length is exactly what I want to see," Dr. Johnson said as she finished up the exam, "Maya, you are looking great."

"Except that the baby is small," Maya said as Carina helped her sit up.

"The baby is small," Dr. Johnson said, "But like I said, as long as it just stays at only 10 days behind, I am not worried. Even 2 weeks is still not a cause for alarm. I don't want you to dwell on it too much for now. Just focus on the fact that the baby is looking healthy. And in two weeks, we will check again. Here are some pictures of that perfect little one. Do you have any questions or anything?"

"I don't think so," Maya sighed. "No," Carina said.

"If you do, you can always call," Dr. Johnson said.

"Thank you," Carina said as Dr. Johnson left the room, "Bambina…"

"I'm fine Carina," Maya said, carefully getting off the table, pulling her pants and underwear back on, "Sorry. I'm just tired. I am going to go home."

"I can take the rest of the afternoon off," Carina said, feeling her wife shutting down on her.

"No," Maya said, shaking her head, "It's ok. You don't need to. Your patients need you."

"Bambina, my patients are not more important than my wife," Carina said, catching Maya's wrist in her hand, getting the blonde to slow down for a second, "I can come home with you."

"No," Maya said, shaking her head, "I'm ok. You work."

"Please don't shut me out," Carina sighed, brushing a thumb over her wife's cheek, "Please?"

"I'm not," Maya said, unable to meet Carina's eyes, "I just…I'm tired. I am going to go home and take a nap, and I can do that by myself. You don't need to put off your patients. I have made you do that enough the past few months."

"You have not made me do anything Maya," Carina said, "I wanted to. I wanted to be with you and Trottolino."

"I know," Maya sighed, "Sorry. Please just stay? I…I want some time alone…Please?"

"Ok," Carina said, feeling her heart breaking a little bit as she saw her wife pulling away, "I love you."

"I love you too," Maya said, pressing a kiss to Carina's lips.

"I'll see you when I get home," Carina said, "Call me if you need me."

"Ok," Maya said as the two of them walked out of the room, Maya quickly stopping to make her next appointment before giving Carina one more small kiss and heading home.

Carina found it hard to work the rest of the day, her mind wandering to her wife the entire afternoon. She finally made it home with the girls around 4:30, her last appointment having been canceled which she was grateful for.

"Mamma, tan we do to the park?" Nora asked as they walked to the car.

"I will take you to the park when we get home, sure," Carina nodded.

"And Mommy too?" Rowan asked.

"I don't know," Carina sighed, "Mommy isn't feeling very well today so she might not be able to make it to the park, but we will see when we get home, ok?"

Carina drove them home, helping the twins into the house where they immediately took off to look for Maya while Carina got their lunch boxes unpacked before going to find her girls.

"Hey," Carina said, coming into the master bedroom, finding her wife curled up in bed with the girls sitting next to her.

"Mommy said she's too tired to go to the park," Rowan sighed as Carina walked over to them.

"Do you both still want to go to the park?" Carina asked.

"No, I want Mommy to come too," Nora said, lip quivering.

"I'm sorry Piccola," Maya said, Carina seeing the tears welling up in her wife's eyes.

Carina felt so incredibly torn in that moment. She wanted to climb in bed and hold her wife who she could tell was very much not ok but she also could tell that the twins were overwhelming Maya at the moment and that she needed to go be with them.

"Bambine, let's let Mommy get some sleep," Carina said, not fully believing Maya was tired but knowing something was very much not right at the moment.

"I want Mommy," Nora said, shaking her head.

"Me too," Rowan said.

The fact that Maya was not saying it was fine for the twins to stay told Carina that it probably was not what her wife needed right now.

"How about if we go make some cookies?" Carina asked, knowing the twins usually liked that, "And then we can come back and check on Mommy later."

"Maybe you could make some to take to Harper and Scout?" Maya said, "They would probably like that."

"Tan we take them to them today?" Rowan asked.

"Probably," Carina said, nodding, "But we will have to get to work on them soon. Can you go find your aprons? I'll be right down."

"Tome on Noa," Rowan said, "Yet's go."

Nora gave Maya one more hug before climbing off the bed with her sister. Once the twins were gone, Carina looked at her wife.

"Can I do anything Bambina?" she asked.

"No," Maya sighed, "It just…it feels like a bad day."

"That's ok," Carina said, pressing a kiss to her wife's forehead, "We can talk after the bambine are in bed?"

Maya nodded, pulling the blankets up more.

"I love you," Carina said, rubbing her back, "Just text me if you need anything. I'm going to bring you up some lemonade and some snacks, ok?"

"Ok," Maya said quietly, shutting her eyes.

Carina took a deep breath before heading downstairs. Once she got Maya a small plate of snacky foods and something to drink, she and the twins got to work making cookies. The girls were honestly great helpers in the kitchen and while Nora kept asking about Maya, they did manage to get through making cookies with very little drama.

Once the cookies were in the oven, Carina texted Amelia, seeing if they were home. The neurosurgeon texted her back quickly, telling her that they were and asking why. Carina just asked if they could stop by with some cookies, not feeling like explaining the whole thing over text. Amelia agreed and once the cookies were done, Carina got the girls ready to go.

"But what about Mommy?" Nora asked, "I want her to come too."

"Mommy doesn't feel well tonight," Carina sighed, "She needs to be in bed and rest right now. Maybe before bed, we can go give her some hugs and help her feel better, ok?"

"Is Mommy going to go to the hospipal?" Rowan asked.

"No," Carina said, "Mommy is just feeling very sad and tired right now. She is going to be ok, but she just needs to rest for right now."

"Why is Mommy sad?" Nora asked.

"Sometimes, Mommy is just sad," Carina explained, "And she just needs to let herself be sad for a little bit. There's nothing wrong with being sad, and Mommy will be ok, but she just needs to feel her big feelings right now."

The twins had seen Maya have bad days before, but usually they just told them she was sick or they would have someone else take the girls for the day so Carina could just give her wife what she needed without interruptions of the girls. Today, however, Carina knew that it was important for the twins to know what was going on and that Maya wasn't actually sick like she had been because she was hoping that would help ease some of the girls' worries about their mommy.

"Tan we give Mommy big hugs and help her wif her breaving?" Nora asked, "Yike when I'm sad?"

"I think Mommy would probably like that," Carina smiled, "But right now, we are going to go take cookies to Harper and Scout and Zia Amelia and Zio Link."

"But I don't want Mommy to be sad," Rowan said.

"Yeah," Nora said, "I want to help her."

"Right now, helping Mommy means we let her have a nap, ok?" Carina said, "Let's get your shoes on please?"

The twins nodded, going to get their shows on while Carina slipped upstairs quickly to check on her wife.

"We are going to go bring cookies to Amelia's," Carina said, sitting down on the edge of the bed, stroking Maya's hair, the blonde awake, "Do you need anything?"

"No," Maya said, "Thanks."

"I love you," Carina said, giving her wife a small kiss.

"I love you too," Maya said, closing her eyes again.

Carina took a deep breath before walking out of the bedroom, going to find the girls. The three of them got in the car, heading over to Amelia's. Carina had packed the cookies so each of the girls could carry a small container as they walked up to the door.

"Hey guys," Amelia said, opening the door, Harper and Scout right behind her, "Come on in."

"We maked cookie for you," Rowan said, handing the container to Harper while Nora gave hers to Scout.

"Cookies?" Scout said, "Mom, can we eat some?"

"You can have one," Amelia said.

"Me too?" Harper asked.

"Yes, you too," Amelia nodded.

"And me?" Rowan asked.

"Si," Carina nodded, "You and Nora can both have one."

The six of them went into the kitchen, Amelia giving all of the kids a cookie before sending them out to the porch to eat them.

"Is everything ok?" Amelia asked one the kids were out of earshot.

"We found out today the baby is measuring a little bit small," Carina sighed, "And while it is likely not going to be anything big, it's still kinda scary to hear, and I think Maya is taking it pretty hard. We haven't talked about it yet because I had work after the appointment and then I brought the bambine home with me."

"Are you ok?" Amelia asked, setting a hand on her friend's shoulder.

"I…I don't know," Carina sighed, "Logically, I know that babies measure behind all the time. But it just feels like another thing. Another complication or differentiation from normal and it is exhausting. When we decided to have another baby, I had these images in my head of what it would be like with maybe a little morning sickness in the first trimester that gave us more time to spend cuddled up in bed while I helped her feel better and getting her all of her pregnancy cravings and then an easy second trimester where her bump grew and we felt the baby move and we enjoyed some final time as a family of 4 while Maya was feeling good and then a third trimester of arguing with her about how much she should or shouldn't be doing and taking care of her when she inevitably overdid it and just all these simple sweet moments and instead, we have been hit with complications and fears and anything but a calm, routine pregnancy."

Carina had tears in her eyes as she finished talking, Amelia pulling her into a hug.

"I'm sorry this has been so hard," Amelia said, rubbing her back.

After a minute, Carina pulled back, wiping at her eyes, "Sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen."

"It's ok," Amelia assured her, "Really. I can't even imagine how hard this had been. You are allowed to be sad for the dreams you had that aren't playing out how you thought they would. And I am always here if you need to talk."

"Grazie," Carina said, smiling a little at her friend, "I promise we really are ok most of the time. It's just been a lot lately."

"You are allowed to get overwhelmed," Amelia reminded her, "And you are allowed to complain to me as much as you want or need to, ok? I've got you. Would you like me to take the girls tonight to give you guys some space?"

"Yes, but no," Carina sighed, "We are finally starting to make progress with their anxiety about being away from us and I want to keep that going. Hopefully once they are in bed, Maya and I can talk."

"Ok," Amelia said, "Well, I have pizza that's going to be here in about ten minutes. You guys are more than welcome to stay for dinner. Let the girls play for a little bit? I also completely understand if you want to get home to your wife though."

"Let me go call her," Carina said, glancing out at the porch and seeing Nora and Rowan both laughing at something Scout was doing, "I'll be right back."

Carina grabbed her phone, quickly dialing her wife's number.

"Hello," the blonde said, voice raspy and soft.

"Hi Bambina," Carina said, "How are you feeling?"

"Same as before," Maya said, "I'll be ok. I just…yeah. I'll be ok."

"I know," Carina said, "I know you will. But you aren't now."

Maya hummed a little, not saying anything.

"I was calling to ask if you would like the house quiet right now or if you want company and cuddles and us to be there with you," Carina asked.

"I think I just want quiet right now," Maya said, "Sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry, Bambina," Carina said, "It is ok. We are going to stay at Amelia's for dinner if that's ok with you?"

"Yeah," Maya said, "That's good. It will be good for the girls to play with Harper and Scout."

"Ok," Carina sighed, hating to leave her wife home alone when she wasn't doing well, but knowing that it was just for a little while and that Maya was safe, "We will be home in a little while. Oh, and I promised the girls cuddles before they went to bed. I hope that's ok."

"Of course," Maya said. "I love you Bambina," Carina said, "I hope you feel better."

"I love you too," Maya said, hanging up. Carina walked back into the kitchen, finding Amelia pulling out plates and cups.

"We are going to stay," Carina said, "Maya just wants some quiet right now."

"Ok," Amelia said, "I'm sad that you guys are here because Maya is struggling, but I have missed hanging out with you."

"I know," Carina said, "We have been so busy with Maya being pregnant and sick and the girls' anxiety and trying to handle that and just normal life. It has been a lot."

"I know," Amelia said, "And we have been busy too. Now that Scout is in kindergarten, things just seem so much busier. I can't wait for him to be on summer break."

"School is going to add a whole new complication to our lives," Carina said, shaking her head, "I'm glad we are still two years away from that."

"It will go by faster than you know," Amelia said.

Just then, the doorbell rang and the neurosurgeon went to get it while Carina went to check on the kids who were all playing with chalk on the patio.

"Pizza is here," Amelia called through the house, making all the kids look up.

"Come on," Carina said, opening the door to the porch, "Let's go get your hands washed and have some pizza."

"But what about Mommy?" Nora asked.

"Mommy is sleeping at home," Carina said, "We are going to have dinner here and then we can go home and check on her, ok?"

"I miss her," Nora said, reaching for Carina to pick her up.

"I know Piccola," Carina sighed, "But right now, Mommy needs us to be here so she can rest, that way, when we get home, she is ready for cuddles, va bene?"

"Si," Nora sighed as Carina gave her a hug.

"Now, go wash your hands so we can eat," the Italian said, setting her oldest down.

"You come wif me," Nora said, reaching for Carina's hand.

Carina nodded, going with her daughter into the bathroom where the three other kids were washing their hands. Once everyone was cleaned up, Amelia and Carina got pizza on everyone's plates.

"Dis isn't peza yike we have at home," Rowan said, picking up the square piece of pizza.

"That's true," Carina said as she picked up a small piece for herself, not planning on eating much because this could barely be considered pizza.

"It tasteses different," Rowan said, cocking her head.

"Do you like it?" Carina asked.

"Um, kinda," Rowan said, taking another bite.

"Sorry," Amelia said, shaking her head, "I forgot the Bishop-Deluca's are pizza snobs."

"It's fine," Carina said, "We crashed your house for dinner. Thank you for feeding us."

"You hate this pizza don't you?" Amelia asked.

"Hate is a strong word," Carina said, shrugging, "But like I said, thank you for feeding us."

They all ate dinner, Link coming home just as they were finishing.

"Daddy," Harper and Scout yelled as he walked in the door, running to give him hugs and kisses.

"Hey guys," Link said, hugging them back before standing up, giving Amelia a quick hug and kiss as well, "Hey Carina. What are you guys doing here?"

"They brought us cookies," Harper said, "And we get to have dinner together."

"Exactly," Carina said, nodding.

"Is Maya here?" Link asked, not seeing the blonde.

"No," Carina said, "She's not feeling great today."

"Mommy is sad," Rowan said, "So she needs to sweep and yater get hugs."

"We found out today the baby is a bit small," Carina said, "Everything should be fine, but it's been a lot."

"I'm sorry," Link said.

"Thanks," Carina said.

The Bishop-Delucas ended up staying for a little while longer before it was time to go home, thanking Amelia for dinner before they went home, all of them anxious to see Maya. Carina got the girls ready for bed before bringing them into the master bedroom finding Maya still curled up in bed.

"Mommy," Nora said as she and Rowan climbed onto the bed.

"Hey guys," Maya said, forcing herself to sit up.

"You're sad Mommy?" Rowan asked as she looked at her.

"I am feeling a little sad right now," Maya nodded, "I will be ok. Sometimes I just feel sad and I need a little break."

"And hugs and kisses?" Nora asked.

"And hugs and kisses," Maya nodded as both little girls wrapped their arms around her, "Thank you."

"And kisses for my baby Totoino," Rowan said, pulling up Maya's shirt, Carina noticing how her wife looked up at the ceiling as this happened, clearly trying not to cry.

The Italian pulled on her own pajamas before getting into bed with her family, reaching out her hand and holding her wife's as the twins snuggled close, Rowan talking to the baby while Nora just played with the hem of Maya's shirt. It was a peaceful moment which they all needed. Carina got some books eventually and she read to the girls while they continued cuddling with Maya.

Eventually, it was time for them to go to bed, Maya peeling her exhausted body out of bed to help tuck them in before escaping back to her bedroom while Carina finished saying goodnight. Once she was done, the Italian went to find her wife, sighing when she saw her curled up under the covers again.

"Ok Bambina," Carina said, crawling into bed, "Come here."

The moment Maya was in Carina's arms, she felt the walls she had been keeping up all day come crashing down and she broke down into a mess of tears.

"Oh Bambina, it's ok," Carina said, "I'm right here."

The tears lasted for a long while, eventually tapering off though neither of them moved or said anything for a while.

"What are you thinking about?" Carina asked, rubbing her wife's back.

"I just…I feel like my body is failing me and I am failing and I feel so stupid for thinking that I could do this," Maya said, tears spilling out again, "I'm so sorry."

"Oh Bambina, you aren't failing," Carina said, "Not at all."

"My body isn't holding enough nutrients for our baby to grow properly," Maya said, "And the twins are still struggling and all they wanted today was to go to the park and I…I couldn't even do that for them. What kind of mom can't even take her kids to the park? Or provide their child, their unborn child with enough nutrients to grow? I am failing all of our kids and you."

"Hey," Carina said, "No. You are not failing them, any of them. I know Trottolino is small and that is so scary, but they are developing normally. I see patients all the time with babies who are small, and you know what most of those babies end up being unless there is an underlying issue? Perfectly healthy. And Trottolino is perfectly healthy too. I don't know how to break this to you Maya, but you are not the tallest or biggest person the world and it would make perfect sense if Trottolino was small."

"But what if there is something wrong?" Maya said, feeling herself spinning a little bit, "What if because I have been so sick, the baby can't grow properly or what if there's something more going on?"

"Well, physically, Trottolino looks great," Carina said, "You heard Dr. Johnson and I saw it too. They look great. And we had genetic testing done on the embryos before we even had them frozen. That's not saying that it is impossible for something to be wrong, but I don't think it is likely. And you have done nothing to hurt Trottolino."

"It just feels like my body isn't doing what it is supposed to," Maya said, "It's so simple that people have been doing it literally since the beginning of humanity and yet my body can't get it together."

"Bambina, do you know how many people did not survive pregnancy since the beginning of humanity?" Carina asked, "It is not so easy. What you are experiencing is something that happens. It doesn't mean you failed. And you not being able to go to the park with the bambine today…Bambina, it happens. It happens to both of us and it is probably something that will happen from time to time forever. And there is nothing wrong with that. I would argue that it is healthy for our children to see you allowing yourself to feel your feelings and to rest when you need to, especially with how things have been with them recently. Letting them see that we struggle with our mental health will make them feel like they can come to us if they ever need help. And I know it is so hard to feel like you are right now, but it does not make you a failure. It makes you human."

"I hate feeling like this," Maya said, "I hear everything you are saying and logically, I understand it, but I just…I feel so sad and overwhelmed."

"That is ok," Carina said, "I know how hard this is for you, and I wish there was something I could do to take it all away, but I will be right here for you to remind you of how amazing you are, ok?"

"I love you," Maya said, just holding onto her wife, "And I'm sorry."

"No more sorrys," Carina said, shaking her head, "You do not have to be sorry for struggling with something hard, ok? I will never be mad at you for that."

Maya nodded, shifting a little.

"Trottolino has been so busy today," Maya said, rubbing her bump.

"They are trying to tell you that they love you and that they are just fine," Carina said, placing her hand on Maya's bump as well, pressing a little bit in the area where Maya had shown her Trottolino was kicking, something that had become a regular thing since Trottolino had started moving, hoping she could feel them. It hadn't happened yet, but tonight, as Carina pressed a little, she felt a small but distinct motion pushing back against her hand.

"Wait," Carina said, looking at her wife, "Did they just move?"

"Yeah," Maya said, "Why? Did you feel it?"

"I think so," Carina said, pressing again, feeling the same little kick back against her hand, "Oh my god. Yes. I am feeling them moving. Oh Ciao Trottolino. It's Mamma. Hi."

Maya smiled a little bit, still feeling pretty mentally crappy but seeing her wife and their youngest baby interact like this for the first time helped a little bit, making her feel a little bit less dark. The rest of the night was calm, Carina making sure Maya ate a little something before pulling her out of bed and into a bath where the Italian just held her wife and helped her get clean.

They had an early night, Maya having no energy for anything and Carina wanting nothing more than to just hold her wife and just be there for her as much as she could.

"Do you want me to email Diane and ask her to come by tomorrow?" Carina asked as she held her wife close.

"I have an appointment scheduled for later this week," Maya sighed, "I think I'm ok. I mean, I am feeling pretty depressed right now, but not in a way that feels dangerous."

"Ok," Carina said, pressing a kiss to her cheek, "You will tell me if that changes?"

"I will," Maya said, rolling over so she was facing her wife, "I promise."

"Good," Carina said, gently brushing a piece of hair off Maya's face, "You are going to get through this Bambina. One day at a time, ok? And I will be right here, reminding you of how truly amazing you are until you are able to believe that yourself, ok?"

"Thank you," Maya said, scooting closer to her wife, making sure not to get too tangled in the IV tubing that was currently connected to her arm for her nightly dose of fluids, "I love you. I don't know what I did to get to be your wife."

"I ask myself the same thing every day," Carina said, leaning in for a small kiss, "I love you so much Bambina."

The rest of the night was just spent in bed, Carina playing some soft Italian music as she held her wife, feeling their baby kick every so often, trying to wrap both of them in all the love and warmth she had in hopes that somehow, that would ease the ache her wife was feeling.


What did you think? Not necessarily the happiest chapter, but not too hard I hope. Next week is Thanksgiving and the following week is a big week for the end of my semester (finally) so I'm not sure how long it will be before the next chapter is up, but after like December 1st, things lighten up a lot on the school front so I will hopefully be able to write a lot after that. I've got things planned out so once I have time, it should be easier to knock them out. As always, thank you all so much for reading, commenting, and following and favoriting. You all are seriously amazing.

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