Chapter 17: Back To Life
I can't believe I'm doing this, Angel thought to himself as he climbed the tree outside Buffy's bedroom window. He had done this more times than he could count when he had lived in Sunnydale. The nostalgia of it all was overwhelming as he crawled through her open window. His mind carried him back to a happier, simpler time in which they had shared kisses through the open window. She had been so young, and they had both been so blissfully naive, thinking that they could make it work. They had failed, and now Angel felt very out of place in her bedroom. Well, it had been this or break and enter, he reminded himself as he made his way downstairs to wait for the others.
Angel sat on the couch for what seemed like an eternity, and he knew from eternity. He was just beginning to seriously consider a quick sweep of the cemeteries when voices outside broke him out of his reverie.
"Xander, I'm tired, not disabled," Buffy grumbled.
"Relax Buff, I won't tell any of your friends about you leaning on my shoulder all the way here. Oh wait, they all saw it!"
Angel distinctly heard the sound of a punch.
"Ow," Xander said. "There's no reason to get so violent. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes you need a big, strong man to lean on."
Angel felt a growl rising from his chest. His was the shoulder she ought to be leaning on. He would give anything to have the place in her life that Xander did. But that could never happen. They both had responsibilities to the world that couldn't and shouldn't be cast aside for selfish reasons. Even as he thought this, Angel was rushing to open the door and let her lean on his shoulder.
Everyone fell silent as Angel and Buffy came face to face. Angel felt slightly gratified to see that she was no longer leaning on Xander's shoulder. She had switched to leaning on Dawn, who glared at him when he opened the door.
"Hi," Buffy said.
Angel opened his mouth. He should say something. "Hi," he managed.
"Dead Boy, you're blocking the door," Xander said loudly in the ensuing silence.
Angel hastily moved aside so that Dawn and Buffy could struggle through the door, with a protective Xander hovering by the Slayer's side.
"Well this is awkward," Anya muttered as she passed Angel in the doorway.
"Hi Angel," Willow said kindly as she walked through, supporting her exhausted girlfriend. "I'll make you up a bed."
"You can't have the couch," Giles said indignantly from behind the witches. "The couch is mine."
Angel watched in disbelief as the gang trooped into the living room and arranged themselves in various positions on the couch, chairs, or floor as if it were any other night. I shouldn't be so surprised, he thought to himself as he followed them and leaned uncomfortably against the wall. It's not like I haven't seen them do this sort of thing before. Buffy's words from years ago came to mind. We saved the world. I say we party.
Angel continued to watch as an outsider as the group of friends chattered away about the goings-on of the last few tumultuous days. Finally, Anya announced that she was tired of them, and was going on. Xander, in a rare moment of something that resembled chivalry, offered to drive her home. Anya, in a rare moment of sensibility, acknowledged that a ride would be nice at this hour. After their departure, the group began to disperse. Giles shooed them out of the living room, which he referred to as his temporary lodging. Tara made her way upstairs to her bedroom. Dawn and Buffy disappeared into the kitchen.
"Faith never mentioned the weird side-effects of a coma," Angel heard Buffy say to Dawn as the sisters left the room.
"Side-effects? Like what?"
"Oh, well, I'm starving for one. Hungry and horny, as she would say. I'm seriously craving some low-fat yogurt."
"Horny?"
"Well...forget I said that. But Faith was all with the 'five by five,' whatever that means..."
Angel blinked in a mixture of confusion and amusement. Buffy had woken from a coma not two hours ago, and here she was joking with her sister as if this sort of thing happened everyday. He didn't care if this was a hellmouth; the past events were not normal, or whatever passed for normal here. He snorted. She never ceased to amaze him.
"Uh, Angel?"
The vampire shifted his attention from the Summers sisters to the redhead standing before him.
"Yes?"
"I was just gonna help you get set up in the basement," Willow said with a bit of uncertainty in her voice. She could tell that he was reluctant to divert his attention from a certain blonde who was currently consuming mass amounts of yogurt in the kitchen.
"Oh, uh, right. I mean, thanks," he said haltingly.
Angel followed Willow as she moved to the closet. She passed him sheets, a blanket, and a pillow, then walked down into the basement, the vampire right behind her, unintentionally doing a fair imitation of a packmule. Angel's eyes roved over the barely furnished basement that he had not set foot in for years. Even with his night vision, he couldn't make out much. When Willow flicked on the lights, he realized that this was not because his exhausted senses were failing, but rather because there really wasn't much to see.
Angel stood by as Willow unfolded a cot against the wall and began spreading a sheet over it. It really didn't look very comfortable, but Angel didn't mind. He had had worse, as he told Willow when she anxiously said that it probably wasn't very comfortable.
"Really Willow, it's okay. Vampire here. I think I can handle one night on a cot, and...are those chains?"
Willow followed his gaze to the box in the corner of the room. "Uh, apparently," she said in a strange voice. "And on that note, sleep tight!"
Long after Willow had left him alone in the dark basement, Angel lay awake on the thin cot. He couldn't stop thinking about Buffy, as per usual. One might go so far as to say he was brooding. She was safe now, or as safe as someone in her line of work would ever be. There was no reason for him to stay. But he couldn't put to rest the overwhelming urge to hold her in his arms. He had come so close to losing her. It didn't matter that they were no longer together. He needed the strength that came from knowing she was just a phone call away. Finally, Angel made up his mind. He needed to see her, talk to her, hold her. He was just starting up the steps when the door above him opened wide.
"Hi," she said.
"Hi," he replied, unsure how to say all the things he needed to say.
"Angel, I, um, thought we could talk," she said as she joined him at the bottom of the steps.
"Sure," he breathed.
She was so close to him. He resisted the urge to reach out and touch her. Instead, he walked to the cot and sat at the head of his makeshift bed. Buffy gingerly sat down on at the foot, leaning back against the wall with a barely audible sigh. They sat in silence for several long moments, neither sure how to begin.
"Thank you," Buffy said softly, breaking the silence. "Thank you for coming."
Angel looked at her with faint surprise. "Of course I came." A half-smile began to form on his lips. "It's the unwritten rule: I'll come when you need me."
Buffy's met his for a brief instant. She looked down at her hands in her lap, as if they could tell her how to respond. "This is stupid," she muttered with clear exasperation.
Angel couldn't help feeling faintly hurt at her comment. "If you don't want me to be here," he began hesitantly. Please don't tell me to go, he silently pleaded. I would go, but it would break my cold, dead heart.
"God, Angel, how can you even think that?" she said loudly. "Of course I want you to be here; I never wanted you to go!" They were both silent for several seconds after her outburst. With a deep breath, she opened her mouth and continued in a softer voice. "I understand why you left, a-and I'm not angry, even though I think your reasons were stupid. Come on. Leaving so I can have a normal life? Like that would ever happen! As for the soul problem, sure it's annoying, but it's not the end of the world. But...even though I don't agree with those reasons, there are two other reasons. There's the part where you're immortal and I'm not. But really, that's your issue because you're the one who's gonna have to deal with my death." He started to speak, but she raised her hand to silence him as she continued to speak. "But now there's another reason. And that's that we both have responsibilities to our friends and our jobs. The people in LA need your protection, and the people in Sunnydale need mine. But just because we can't move in with each other is no reason to give up! So, despite all the potential problems, this thing we have...it's stupid. Stupid that we can only see each other in emergencies."
"Buffy, if you ever need anything at all, you know you can call me," Angel said quietly.
"But that's just it! What if I don't need anything? What if I just want to hear your voice? What would happen if I called then? You would ask me what was wrong and start freaking and...and..."
"You don't know that," Angel said, using her need to breath as an opportunity to disrupt her rant. "You were afraid of how I would react so you never even tried?"
"Hey, I never said it made sense," she said dryly. "These things aren't supposed to. I just...I hate not knowing what's going on in your life. Sure, I'll come if you call for me. But what if you don't call? What if you're dying and you can't call for help and I'm just sitting here in Sunnydale playing with a yo-yo on the steps of Alpert's crypt! And that's not even the main problem! Plenty of exes keep in touch after they break up!" She faltered for a second. "Well, I'm sure some of them do the whole 'let's still be friends' thing. And I know that we've tried being just friends and it didn't work, but that doesn't mean we have to be strangers!"
"A yo-yo?" was all Angel could say.
She shrugged. "So not the point."
Angel was silent, thinking about what she had said. "What are you proposing?"
"I'm not really sure," she admitted. "But I want more than this. Even if all we do is call each other every couple of weeks, it'll be better than nothing. Plus, it makes sense on the whole Slaying perspective to share information on the baddies and all that."
Angel looked at her with never-ending wonder. "I'd like that," he said with a soft smile that grew wider when she smiled back.
She was so beautiful, even with only thin light from the single window illuminating her hair and eyes. Angel just sat there, drinking in the sight of her. Suddenly, she darted forward and captured his lips in a sweet kiss. When she broke away for oxygen, she just looked into his eyes for a long moment, then moved so that she was sitting right beside him, leaning into his shoulder. Gently, he wrapped his arms around her small form and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. He longed so much to see her in the sunlight. And he prayed that one day he would get the chance to. But he said none of this, afraid to shatter the tremulous contentment between them. They stayed that way until the first rays of dawn began to invade the shadowed basement.
"I should go," Buffy whispered. "I have to go get Dawnie off to school."
He nodded his acceptance as they broke apart.
"You should get some sleep," Buffy said with a small smile as she stood. "I'm sure Cordy and Wes will have plenty of work waiting for you tonight."
Angel felt his smile fade as she left the room. Cordy and Wes... Buffy couldn't know about everything that had happened between them, and he had no one to blame for that but himself. Wesley's betrayal, although almost understandable, still hurt more than Angel liked to think about. And Cordy...how would she react to the renewed contact between him and Buffy? Angel sighed. She would deal. And it wasn't as if Buffy were moving in with him. It was just a few more phone calls than usual. It didn't mean that much. No, Angel said to himself, that's not true. Maybe it wouldn't mean very much to their friends, but it meant the world to him. So when Angel finally lay down to sleep it was with a broad smile on his face.
---
"Hey Awake Girl," Dawn chirped as she breezed into the kitchen and gave her sister a quick kiss on the cheek, eliciting the smallest smile she had ever seen. Dawn frowned. "Are you okay?"
Buffy shrugged and handed Dawn a box of cereal. "Just tired is all."
"I thought coma's were supposed to make you feel all rested and rejuvenated," Dawn said as she took the cereal and grabbed a bowl from the cupboard. "Isn't that what Faith said?"
Buffy raised her eyebrows at her younger sister. "Funny story about Faith: she went evil and lied a lot."
Dawn just rolled her eyes in mock annoyance as she retrieved the milk carton from the refrigerator. "Yeah well, if you're so tired why aren't you asleep?"
Two pieces of toast popped up out of the toaster, and Buffy hurriedly put them on a plate and handed them to Dawn, scowling slightly at the blackened bits. "I will sleep."
Dawn stared at her sister incredulously as she grasped the plate of toast. "You mean you haven't slept yet?"
"Not really. I lay awake for awhile and then I, uh, went to talk to Angel about some stuff."
Dawn's eyes widened and she almost dropped the plate. "Oops," she muttered as she set it down on the island. "So spill! What did you talk about?"
Buffy leaned back against the counter and looked at her hands before answering. "We're going to keep in touch."
If possible, Dawn's eyes widened even more. "Buffy, that's great! This must just mean everything for you!"
Buffy gasped involuntarily as she heard his voice whispering in her ear, "You're my everything." She didn't remember him saying it, but somehow she knew he had said it and it was true. She felt a lump forming in her throat and tears forming in her eyes. "Yeah," she murmured softly, "everything."
"I'm so happy for you!" Dawn cried. "You're here, you're back, a-and, you can finally get back to your life! You won't have to worry about Warren anymore, and you've pretty much put the fear of Buffy into the Sunnydale vamps what with the not dying and everything!"
Dawn's felt her excitement drain out of her as she noticed the tears slipping from the corners of her suddenly silent sister's eyes. "Sorry to disappoint you," she muttered angrily. Suddenly, she straightened and looked at Buffy again. "Wait, is that happy crying?"
Buffy looked up at her through the tears. "Yes, dummy! You think I wanted to die?"
Dawn shifted uncomfortably and folded her arms in front of her chest. "I don't know. Didn't you?"
Buffy stared at the girl with horror written all over her tear-streaked face. "Dawn...I'm so sorry." She quickly covered the short distance between the two of them and wrapped her arms around the younger girl. "I'm sorry," she cried softly into Dawn's long brown hair.
Dawn, unsure how to react to this turn of events, began to rub slow circles on her sister's back. "It's okay, Buffy," she whispered soothingly. "It's okay."
"No," Buffy protested through her sobs, "it hasn't been. It hasn't been okay." The Slayer pulled back from the embrace to meet Dawn's eyes firmly. "But it's gonna be, though. I see it."
"See what?" Dawn said with confusion.
"You," Buffy replied with a beatific smile. "Things have really sucked lately, but it's all gonna change. And I wanna be there when it does. I want to see my friends happy again. And I want to see you grow up. The woman you're gonna become. Because she's gonna be beautiful. And she's going to be powerful." Buffy turned away from Dawn and looked out the window to her backyard where she had been shot just a few days ago. "I got it so wrong. I don't want to protect you from the world. I want to show it to you." Buffy turned back to Dawn with barely concealed excitement. "There's so much that I want to show you!"
Dawn opened her mouth to say something, but found that she had nothing to say. Instead, she wrapped her sister in a firm embrace. The siblings sank to the kitchen floor, holding each other and crying euphorically.
In the hall, Willow turned away from the spectacle to regard her lover with an exuberant smile. "I feel kinda bad about eavesdropping, but I just love happy endings."
Tara looked at Willow with a strange expression on her face. "This isn't the end," she asserted. "Far from it. We've all got a long, hard journey ahead of us." The blond witch cupped Willow's cheek and gazed deeply into her soulmate's green eyes. "And I wouldn't miss it for the world."
The End.
That's right. The end. Sort of. I'm going to write a brief alternate ending as soon as I get the chance, but life's been really crazy lately so I'm not sure how long it'll take. This chapter took much longer than usual to write. This is my longest chapter yet, and I really wanted to get the ending right...so review and let me know if you think I did a good job! Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed so far, you guys rock. A large part of Buffy and Dawn's conversation is from "Grave," which I didn't write, don't own, etc. Oh, and Angel remembers one of Buffy's lines from "Prophecy Girl." I also rewrote a large part of Angel's monologue in Chapter 13, so please check it out.
TTFN
