Epilogue
Un-break my heart, say you'll love me again…
Hehehe, did you really think I'd leave things the way they are now? OF COURSE NOT! I have to fix them!
Well, hopefully I did…
And this is for Kim, as a very late B/D present!
Andrew let go an unconscious sigh when he saw a couple some feet away from where he was standing. The long hair and the loosen dress of the woman made him think of a certain angel… Two months… It had been two months.
He was now back to full work but he hadn't been assigned to help Monica during all this time. Nor had he seen Tess. Just at the very beginning, about a week after he and Adam had taken Jamal Home, he had met the old supervisor and had known that Monica had asked for a time off. After that, he had known nobody being with her and it worried him terribly.
The angel shook his head coming back to reality and saw Bill, his assignment standing a few steps ahead, his back to him, still watching the recently covered grace of his girlfriend. He had taken Annie Home just two days before, after a long painful agony for she had bone cancer. The rest of the people that had kept Bill company during the service was now gone, and the angel walked to the man and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
"How am I supposed to carry on without her, Andrew?" Bill said in the most miserable tone of voice. "She was my light, my reason to live!"
"I know," was all the angel could murmur. He couldn't tell the man how true his words were when he himself had lost the light of his life.
"I… Would you mind coming back home with me, Andrew?" Bill asked cleaning his tears. "I don't feel like staying there all by myself."
Andrew was sipping at his coffee distractedly, looking at the vast collection of CD's Bill kept in his living room. From jazz to folk music and classic or baroque, he seemed to have each CD in sell all around the world.
"Annie was trying to put them in alphabetical order" the man said breaking the silence between them. "But she couldn't decide whether it'd be by the singer's name or the kind of music…"
"What will you do now, Bill?" Andrew asked.
The man sighed. "Keep on living somehow I guess… It's just that I know I will never love someone like I loved her."
"To love someone like you loved Annie… that's a lifetime experience, Bill, that's the truth…"
Guessing there was something more than the friendly advice in the angel's words, Bill ventured after a brief moment of silence, "Have you ever been so in love, Andrew?"
Andrew met the man's eyes and he had to control himself not to shout in pain. "Yes, Bill, I have…"
When the blond angel looked away, the man knew there was a long story behind. "What happened? Where is she now?"
"I don't know… I haven't seen her in two months." Little by little the angel started to tell him all the story, how he had met Monica and how incredibly happy he had been for having her. "Ever since she's been away my life hasn't been whole. I miss her so much…"
Meeting the angel's eyes again, Bill could see how true his words were and how he longed for the happiness that only Monica could give him. "And why aren't you looking for her?" The angel frowned and said nothing. "Why are you here, grieving with me when you could be asking for her forgiveness?"
Andrew bent his head down. "You asked me to come…" he tried to argue.
"But I didn't know you had something much better to do!" the man stood up and walked to the angel's side. "You did a lot for Annie and me these days, Andrew," he placed a hand on the angel's shoulder. "If you needed a push, I'm giving it to you. Go look for Monica, be happy…"
Seeing the true concern for him in the man's eyes, Andrew offered him a hand. "Thank you, Bill."
Andrew appeared in the middle of a big living room where many old people were around. He saw two angels he knew well on the opposite side. Tess and Emma were talking to a thin woman in a wheelchair, helping her to eat.
"Oh, my…" Emma murmured as soon as she saw the angel.
"Hey, angelboy!" Tess greeted him and opened her arms to give him a hug. "Can I ask if this is a social visit or you're here on assignment?"
Reaching to kiss Emma too, he explained, "More a social visit, Tess. No assignments here yet."
"Is this about what I think it is? Or better said, about who I think it is?" the dark skinned supervisor said eyeing him carefully. Andrew nodded and his green eyes showed all the pain in his heart. Emma felt sorry for him.
"I haven't seen her, baby," Tess continued. "She asked for a time off and she hasn't gotten any assignment since Jamal."
Andrew broke Tess' gaze, unable to fight the wave of pain and guilt he was feeling. "Where is she, Tess?" he asked after a long minute.
"Andrew, I don't…"
"She's at the house by the beach where she was staying during the assignment," Emma interrupted the supervisor. "I saw her about a week ago and only the Father know how is she doing now…" When the blond angel turned to see her, Emma could tell he had tears prickling the corners of his eyes. "That poor baby is hurting as much as you are, Andrew. I had never seen two angels sharing a love like yours and I think I will never see it again. Fight for what you had, sweetheart! I'm afraid for Monica, Andrew," the older angel continued, "I'm afraid that if she continues in the state she is now, she won't be an angel anymore…"
Andrew opened his eyes in absolute fear, "What?"
"Emma's right," Tess intervened. "You need to see her to understand what we fear…"
For a second no one said another word until Andrew moved to hug both Tess and Emma. "I'll see you soon."
"Go, baby, go to her," Tess told him before he was gone.
The sun was half hidden in the sea, giving the blue waters a warm touch of orange and red. The beach was completely empty except for the thin figure of a woman walking by the shore. Barefoot, arms wrapped around herself, she seemed as lost as the lonely seagull that crossed the sky, crying for the rest of its group. The small waves that reached to touch her feet didn't give her the comfort they used to give her before, and the sensation could only be compared to that of the warm tears crossing her pale cheeks.
Andrew appeared by the limits of the garden of the house and saw her immediately. It was a sharp pain what he felt in his heart right away. Even from the distance it was obvious she had lost a lot of weight, and the helplessness it seemed to emanate from her made the angel want to run and hold her tightly and never let go again. He saw how she turned to walk back to the house and lifted her head. Then it happened.
His green eyes found hers naturally and for long minutes no one looked away. For Andrew it was now a physical pain not to take her in his arms when he could feel his skin burning for her touch and her caresses. It was just too much. He walked slowly towards her, sensing how her nervousness grew with each step he gave. He stopped when he was barely a couple of feet away.
"Andrew…" Monica murmured when they were face to face. He then could see her clearly. She was so pale and thin that her skin seemed almost transparent. Her eyes were as red as dark were the circles under them. It was painful just to see her. "Monica…" the blond angel whispered too and reached a hand to touch her cheek, but seeing how she tensed, he thought better and desisted. She seemed so fragile she'd get broken.
"Baby… what's happened?" he continued a little later, fighting his tears that were ready to run free just like Monica's.
"I don't want to go back…" she explained, her arms still around her as if closing herself to anyone around. "I just don't feel like doing casework again."
"Why?" Andrew whispered unable to believe what he was hearing.
"The last assignment… it just hurt so much…" she was crying again but did nothing to reach for him. Andrew let her cry for a minute, before she kept on talking. "I know I hurt you too… so badly… and now that you are here… I just want to say I'm sorry…"
Andrew took a sharp breath at her last words. He felt he had been the one hurting her, doubting her love, yelling at her when she was doing nothing but protecting him! And no she was the one asking for forgiveness?
Seeing he remained silent, Monica felt her pain grow ten times deeper and her sobs became harder. "Please, forgive me!" she begged. "I know I hurt you. I know you may not want to know about me anymore and I'm not asking you to come back with me…" she said and her teary eyes met his that were equally wet as tears were now running along the blond angel's cheeks. "All I'm asking you is that you remember that I loved you so much, more than my life itself… and that I did it all to save you, even if I had to lose the joy of my heart in the process…"
"Don't say you loved me…" he asked. She lowered her head sure he was still so mad and hurt he would never forgive her. Andrew saw how she frowned and bit her inner cheek.
Just then he reached to tilt her chin delicately, until her brown eyes were looking at him again. "Don't say you loved me…" he repeated and painfully slowly he placed a hand over her cheek. "Say you still love me and that you'll love me again."
It took Monica a long moment to accept what he was saying, what he was asking her. She didn't want to believe what he was saying, fearing she was just dreaming and she would wake up to a reality of pain and loneliness. But his hand on her cheek felt so real, so warm. She had longed for that touch so much in the last two months that she closed her eyes and reached a hand to cover Andrew's. "Andrew…" she murmured.
Andrew saw her leaning over his hand and knew he wouldn't stand it longer. When she slowly opened her eyes, his heart broke in a thousand pieces at the deep pain he could guess in the face he loved so much, so he wasted no time and pulled her into a desperately tight hug.
"I'm so sorry, baby," he said I the lowest voice. "I hurt you so much, I had no right, I was so blind!" He cried shamelessly, his face buried in her long hair, his tears wetting her shoulder and neck.
"Andrew… my Andrew, my love…" she cried too against his neck. It was like she was releasing her own soul with each sob, and her small fingers clutched his shirt until her knuckles were white. He was there, holding her close to him and it was all that mattered to her in that moment.
"I hurt you so much. I made you suffer instead of trying to know what you were doing," he kept on murmuring still holding her.
"You couldn't know…" she replied finally pulling away of his hold.
"I should've known better," Andrew told her with a clear note of guilt in his voice. "I should've known you were doing it for me… Please, forgive me!" He was stroking her cheek with so much love that her legs would've failed her hadn't he been still circling her waist.
"I am the one that has to ask for forgiveness, Andrew," she said also placing a hand on his cheek. "Breaking up with you was the hardest thing I have ever done… It was like giving up my own life."
"That's how it felt, baby," he kissed her forehead. "I felt my life was slipping through my fingers and I couldn't stop it…"
"I cried so much… so many nights after you were gone…" she confessed touching his chin with her forehead and running her hands over his back as if still trying to prove he was there.
"You won't cry again, Monica," the blond angel told her, his eyes locked with hers, "unless they are happy tears." She smiled tenderly and that smile was for Andrew like finally watching a small spot of a clear sky among the dark clouds of a long storm.
He couldn't say another word, he couldn't think of anything else. He caressed her cheek again, looking at her in pure adoration for a long minute before he slowly leaned down until his lips found hers, and they melted in a kiss they had thought they would never experience again.
The sun was setting down, covering in a purple semi-light the beach and the silhouettes of two lovers lost in the sweetest moment of their lives.
THE END
UNBREAK MY HEART (Toni Braxton)
Don't
leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Come
back and bring back my smile
Come and take these tears away
I
need your arms to hold me now
The nights are so unkind
Bring
back those nights when I held you beside me
Un-break my
heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When
you walked out the door
And walked outta my life
Un-cry these
tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart
My
heart
Take back that sad word good-bye
Bring back the joy
to my life
Don't leave me here with these tears
Come and kiss
this pain away
I can't forget the day you left
Time is so
unkind
And life is so cruel without you here beside me
Un-break
my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you
caused
When you walked out the door
And walked outta my
life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my
heart
My heart
Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't
leave me out in the rain
Bring back the nights when I held you
beside me
Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo
this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked
outta my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many, many
nights
Un-break my
Un-break my heart
Come back and say
you love me
Un-break my heart
Sweet darlin'
Without you I
just can't go on
Can't go on
PS. So… did I redeem myself after the long months of agony? LOL! Thank you all for reading this story and for your replies, broken knees, yelling and slaps included. Love you all!
