(recording) Hello, this is Legolas, proud member of the Fellowship of the Ring. Elves are not nearly as stupid as dwarves. If you would like to talk to Gandalf, please hold while we organize a séance. If you would like to talk to anyone else, please leave a message after the tone. We are also accepting donations to buy Gandalf some flowers for whenever we have enough time for a memorial service. Message time! beep!

-Welcome to Lothlorien, member of the Fellowship. I am Galadriel, queen of the elves. I have been expecting you. I…wait a minute, was that an answering machine? Stupid mirror! I was trying to talk to their minds…Great. Just great. Please ignore this message.

-Hey everyone, this is Sam. Um, has everyone just forgotten that hobbits are afraid of heights? So what's with this whole climbing high up in the tree thing? Can we stop now? Please?

-Sam, this is Legolas of the Fellowship. On behalf of my fellow elves, I would like to explain that we realize you don't like heights, but as we cannot bring the treetop down to you, we have the right to expect you to climb up to it. Be grateful there's a staircase. We usually use ladders, and you would really hate that, wouldn't you?

-Hey Boromir, it's Aragorn. You're acting really depressed, is something wrong? Has Galadriel been telling you your future? Because last time she did that to me, I was afraid to go outside for days afterwards.

-Hey Boromir! It's Pippin! Aragorn told me you were feeling sad, so guess what? I asked one of the elves to give you ballet lessons! Everyone loves ballet, you'll be so happy!

-Frodo, this is Galadriel. Would you like to come see my mirror? Stupid question, really. I know you will; I looked at your future today. See you tonight.

-Aragorn? Hi. It's Boromir. Listen, never tell Pippin anything about me again, okay? Or I am so going to kill you both. That's all I wanted to say. Goodbye.

-Pippin? This is Aragorn. I don't think Boromir liked your cheer-up idea. Especially the part about wearing a tutu. It doesn't fit into his idea of machismo.

-Hello, anonymous caller here. Elves are even more stupider than dwarves.

-This is Galadriel. Actually, Legolas, I already heard it. It was very rude of Gimli to say that, I agree.

-This is Legolas. You're not fooling anyone, Mr. Anonymous Gimli. I'm going to play that message for Galadriel, so there.

-Oh, sorry Legolas. This is Galadriel. I just realized I left my reply before your message. It's this mirror again, I saw you calling me in the future and thought it was the past. My apologies.

-Uh, Boromir? Hi, it's Frodo. I was, just, um, wondering how you were doing? Galadriel just showed me her mirror. Of course I'm not telling you for any particular reason, just making light conversation! Not that I think you would want the ring or anything. Ha ha ha. What an absurd idea. That's the last thing on my mind. So, um, feeling all right lately?

-Hi Legolas! It's Pippin! Merry and I wanted to know if lembas goes well with mushrooms? Call us!

-Pippin, what kind of question is that? Lembas is lembas, it only needs to go well with lembas because its purpose is to be the only thing eaten in an entire day! If you eat lembas you don't need to eat mushrooms with it! This message was sent to you by Legolas the elf who thinks lembas tastes just fine by itself.

Over 50 reviews! How did that happen? Gosh, this is actually making me feel popular! Thank you everyone who has reviewed. And people who have made suggestions for TT, I will try to put some of your ideas in. I can't guarantee all of them, but at least some. In case you want to suggest something for FotR, I'm warning you now that I've already written it through to the end, so anything you say will have no effect on the story. Sorry.