The story so far (and who has what phone, because even the author gets confused sometimes):
Frodo and Sam have left for Mordor with the Ring and Merry's cellphone. They have had to switch to Mordor service, which only allows local calls and prevents them from making any long-distance calls to the rest of the fellowship.
Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas are hunting for the orcs that kidnapped Merry and Pippin. Aragorn is carrying his own cellphone.
Merry and Pippin have been carried off by orcs. They have no cellphone, but plan on stealing one from the orcs if they manage to escape. Unfortunately, they have no idea what Aragorn's phone number is.
Gandalf's phone fell with him in Moria, and Boromir, being dead, is unable to make the necessary nerve connections to use one, or even know if he has a phone.
And now: The Two Telephones
(recording) Hello, you have dialed Aragorn's phone. We're trying to sneak up on some orcs, and so have turned off the sound on this phone. Please leave a message, and when we notice someone has called, we will return it. beep!
-Hello Aragorn, this is Legolas the running elf. Why do I have to carry all the supplies? I'm not the only one eating lembas. Is it because I'm an elf? And all elves are athletic and everything? It is, isn't it. Typical human racial stereotyping. You're carrying something tomorrow, or I'm dropping the pack and we'll be stuck in the middle of Rohan with no food.
-Aragorn or whoever this is Pippin I'm recording a message on one of the orcs' cellphones to tell you we came through here and we're still alive and someone's coming so I'm dropping the phone now and maybe they won't see it lying in the grass
-Hey Aragorn? This is Gimli. Have you thought at all about what we're going to do if we actually catch up with these orcs? There's three of us and who-knows-how-many of them. Just wondering if you had any ingenious plans that I haven't thought of yet. Because from where I'm looking, it's pretty hopeless. Not that I'm afraid or anything. I'm a dwarf, I'm never afraid of losing a fight. But still.
-Gimli, Legolas, it's Aragorn. There are a whole lot of riders coming straight towards us. I suggest we get out of their way.
-Aragorn, it's Legolas the elf who has been telling you about the riders coming for the last six hours. What took you so long to listen? Had to see them for yourself? Couldn't take my word for it? Thought you were so much better than me that I couldn't be seeing something you weren't?
-Legolas, it's Aragorn. Will you just relax? I know it's just been the three of us together for days and we are getting on each other's nerves by now, but stop taking it all so personally!
-Hello, strangers. This is Éomer son of Éomund. Explain what you are doing here or I'll have to let my Riders skewer you. And don't think they'll miss. We just had a big battle and got plenty of practice with our spears.
-Aragorn, this is Gimli. Legolas and I have voted you spokesperson. Ask them if they saw the hobbits.
-Gimli, this is Aragorn. Don't I get a vote?
-Aragorn, it's Legolas the about-to-be-skewered elf. No matter what you vote, it's two to one. You get the first spear, I mean first conversation.
-All right, this is Éomer again. Since you haven't tried to attack us in the ten minutes we've been standing here waiting, I've decided you're probably not any danger to us. Have a couple horses. If you don't bring them back, we'll have a reason to fight you and can skip this awkward standing around.
-Aragorn? This is Legolas the riding elf. There's a big pile of dead orcs ahead. Just thought you ought to know.
-Hey, Gimli and Legolas, it's Aragorn. I found hobbit tracks leading into Fangorn. Let's follow them!
-Aragorn, this is Gimli. What about the horses? We can't take them into the forest. If we leave them here they'll wander off and Éomer will try to kill us. Wait a minute, am I worrying about losing a fight? Ah, never mind, we can beat Éomer any time. Let's go!
And the Two Telephones has begun! I don't think I need to keep telling you people to review, just show some initiative and hit the button!
