(recording) Hello, you have reached Merry and Pippin. We are most definitely not hobbits, so don't start thinking about kidnapping us or anything. If you were trying to reach the previous orcish owner of this phone, you have dialed the wrong number. If you're going to be friendly, leave your message now. beep!
-Hello Merry, it's Pippin. I'm lost. I don't know why I'm calling our phone to tell you since I obviously have the phone. By the way, how much lembas do you have left?
-Hello Pippin, this is Merry. Do you realize that was your first message without any exclamation marks in it! I'm almost out of lembas, but I reckon we can find some mushrooms in the woods. And as you've told us many times…would you like to say it?
-Mushrooms rule! Mushrooms rule! Mushrooms, mushrooms, lalalala mushrooms! Ack! Big trees! With hands!
-Hoom…Who…are…you…and…what…are…you…doing…in…my…forest?
-Uh, hello, big tree. thingy. My name is Merry, and this is Pippin. Sorry about him climbing you, but Pippin gets hyper at the thought of mushrooms. And we're lost. And we are not orcs, unless you happen to be on their side in which case we are orcs but we're a little confused. And we have never heard of hobbits. Does that cover everything?
-Good going Merry, you just blew our cover. He's not going to believe anything we tell him now.
-Okay, Pippin, if he doesn't believe anything we say, let's tell him we are hobbits. Then he won't believe we are, but we really are hobbits, but he won't think so, so he'll tell everyone we're not hobbits, and everyone will believe him, but we'll know we are hobbits but everyone else will know we're not hobbits. Great plan, huh?
-Um, Merry? Now I'm confused. Are we hobbits or not?
-Fool of a Took! Just keep singing about mushrooms and I'll do the talking.
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