(recording) Hello, if you are trying to reach Aragorn, Legolas, or Gimli, you have dialed the right number. If you are trying to reach anyone else, then logically you have dialed the wrong number. If you want to leave a message, speak after the tone. If you just called to hear my voice, hang up now. beep!

-Aragorn, it's Legolas the elf in the forest. What if they called to hear my voice? I have friends too you know. You're not the only popular guy here. And I've got a family too, which you don't. Ha. So I should be getting even more calls than you.

-This is Gimli. I just felt like pointing out that none of us have gotten any calls from friends or family, so stop arguing about who has more potential for calls. It doesn't matter unless someone actually does call us.

-Aragorn? It's me. You remember, me, Arwen? I was wondering where you are now. I miss you. Daddy's being a bully, he keeps telling me you won't come back. Please tell me he's wrong. Love you!

-Legolas? It's your father. When are you coming home? I sent you to a council, and I get a messenger back saying you're wandering halfway across the world. With a dwarf. What's going on?

-Okay, Legolas, this is Aragorn. We've each had one message from home. I guess it's a tie. Still friends?

-Aragorn, it's Legolas the elf who is staring intently at a bigger problem than phone messages. We're on an intercept course with a white wizard. Should we back away or charge?

-Legolas, this is Aragorn. Why do I have to make all the difficult decisions? With all the responsibility you're giving me, you'd think I was king or something. Oh. I see. Never mind. Let's wait for the wizard to come.

-Hey folks, it's me, the white wizard…you can stop trying to attack me now. Okay? Some welcome you're giving me. And I thought you'd be happy I was back.

-Gandalf? Is it really you?

-Of course it is, you fool of a…well, man. What, you thought I was going to leave you incompetent fools to save the world? Fat chance.

-But you never called us! We were sure you had to be dead!

-Forgot to pay my phone bill. Can we get going now? There's a world that needs saving.