(recording) Hellos, yous have called the nice masterses. Smeagol speaking. Yous leaves your message nows or yous shoulds hang up. Ands stays away from the precious. beep!
-Gollum, this is Sam. Are you sure you're leading us the right way? Things haven't gotten much more evil for a while. Or are we about to be ambushed?
-Sam, this is Frodo. What about this swamp doesn't seem evil to you? Is it the dead people in the water? Or maybe the Nazgul flying overhead? Personally, this place creeps me out.
-Screeech!
-Oh, Sam. The ring is trying to make me put it on. Help!
-Bigs nasty flying screechy things is gones now, nice master. Follows Smeagol out of swamps now, masterses.
-Gollum, why does Smeagol lead nasty thieves through swamp? We shoulds drown them, yes my precious. Gollum!
-No! Smeagol is good to kind masterses. Smeagol helps kind masterses. And Smeagol will not talks to precious any mores!
-Gollum. We knows Smeagol wants to ask cans they hear us now. Why doesn't Smeagol ask? Has "kind masterses" told Smeagol not tos? Are they kinds masters that hurt Smeagol? No, my precious, not kinds, no.
-Smeagol, this is Frodo. Will you please stop calling yourself? You're wasting the battery. And some of us also want to use the phone. Is that too much to ask?
-Yes! My phoneses, my owns, my precious. Gollum!
-All right, don't go all schizophrenically possessive, you can hold the phone. But could you stop stroking it like that? You push some of the buttons every time you do. You've probably given some poor old lady a heart attack by accidentally dialing her number and then golluming into the phone.
