-Hello Pippin, it's Merry. How much longer do you think this entmoot will last?

(recording) Thank you for calling Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas, and/or Gandalf. And because we know you're going to ask, yes he did die, and no he's not still dead. We're riding through Rohan right now, but we're not going to tell you exactly where we are or where we're going because the only people we want to know that stuff are the people we're riding to, and they'll find out soon enough. If you suspect it's not you that we're looking for and so you won't be seeing us in the very near future, leave a message now. beep!

-Aragorn, it's Legolas the confused elf. Why can't you have a recording that just says "I can't answer the phone so please leave a message" like a normal person? I mean, why do you spend so much time thinking up outrageously long and descriptive recordings? Does Rohan bore you that much? Because I'm perfectly happy looking at the scenery for hours instead of creating complicated recordings, but maybe you're not.

-Legolas, stop nagging Aragorn about everything he does. He's got enough stress in his life already before you started tagging along. Oh, this is Gandalf.

-Gandalf, it's Legolas the elf who is about to point out that you were the one who jumped off a bridge and dumped Aragorn in the leadership position on the way to Mordor. Wait, I just did point that out. This was Legolas the elf who did point out that you shouldn't be telling me about what causes stress.

-Guys, this is Aragorn. If you want to discuss my personal life, you could at least have the tact not to do it in front of me. Or you could include me in the conversation. I think I can offer some insight into what causes me stress. At the moment, it's the two of you talking about me.

-Hey everyone, it's Gimli. We're almost at Edoras, so can you all shut up? I'm sure the king would love to hear about Aragorn's problems, but this really isn't the time. Not that I'm displaying any common sense or anything, I'm a dwarf, I use common sense even less than cowardice. But still.

-Gandalf, this is Aragorn. Um, have I lost track of the years while I was wandering alone in the wild, or did the king get really, really old since the last time I was in Rohan which was not long enough ago for him to have aged so much, and where was I going with this sentence. Oh yeah, it was a question. Please mentally stick a question mark at the end of it.

-Hello Aragorn, it's Legolas the puzzled elf. I think you're right. I mean, I know men age faster than elves, but this is ridiculous.

-Hello Gandalf, this is Grima. Just what do you think you're doing in here? Get out!

-Aragorn, this is Gandalf. Go find Wormtongue's cellphone, remove the battery, and put the phone in your pocket. With the battery in a different pocket, so even if he manages to pickpocket you he won't be able to call anyone.

-Gandalf, it's Aragorn. I've got the phone as ordered, but why was that necessary?

-It's Gandalf. For one thing, he really gets on my nerves. And I didn't want him listening in on our conversations anymore. He's been telling Saruman what everyone in Edoras has been talking about. Including the king's secret messages.

-Hello Gandalf, it's Theoden. Why don't we actually talk about your news face-to-face? It'll go a lot faster than leaving messages, and we can eat dinner while we're at it.

-It's Gandalf. Sounds good, Theoden, but Wormtongue had better not be in the room. Or outside it listening in, for that matter. In fact, I think I would be happiest if he were far, far away…good, he's taken the hint and left. See you soon.