"IF ONLY YOU SAW ME"

Chapter Four:Sudden Desire, Sudden Hate

"...I want to feel your heart beat...I want to see your smile...I want to be with you...yet why dont you..."


Squall paced around in his room. He looked from his black casket to the bed he and Joia once shared. Tears were streaming down his eyes. He quickly ran down toward Joia's tomb but heard a distant singing and stopped. (What is that...)

He walked toward the dining hall where all the parties were once held. Within it, Rinoa was wearing a CD player headset, singing and dancing to herself. Her words...her voice...he was in awe. He leaned on the door's side panel and smiled greatly o himself. (How beautiful...she sings like an angel...) He watched her slowly twirl around in a long white dress she was wearing. With the flashing of the distant moon, his smile spread through his face. He rememebered that morning, she had rushed into his room, where for once he was sleeping on a bed. She jumped on him three times, laughing joyfully 'Wake Up, Squall, Come on!' He had opened his eyes and slowly pushed her off himself. She did it repeatedly til he had emerged from the bed. 'Its daylight' he had said. She smiled and laughed, 'Enjoy it!' he had smiled at that but ushered her off to go to her daily duties in the city. She had complied then. And again that day, the three of them had shared a dinner, although he and Sephiroth did not need to eat one bite at all of food...they had still done it for to reasons; (one) having Rinoa happy was for some reason making them happy and (two) they werent ready to tell her their deep secret-

"Oh, Squall. I didnt see you standing there." Rinoa said suddenly.

Squall snapped out of thought and looked at her, "You're delightful."

She blushed slightly, removing her headphones, "Thank you, Squall."

He walked toward a stereo and stared at it a bit. "Music?" He said, pointing at it.

She laughed, "I'd love some."

Truthfully, Squall didnt know that it had played music. He had been sleeping so long, he hadnt known that the contraption he was looking at actually had played music. "What do you call this exactly? I always called it..welll, Umm." He tried to think, "I called it a music player."

Rinoa laughed histarically at what he had said. "A music player!" she said laughing, "Oh, Squall. You make me laugh!"

He laughed along with her. He had to admit...it was a bit strange what he had said. She giggled and walked toward his side, "I'll play along, Squall."

Yes, play along. Yet, he wasnt meaning to play. He was hiding his seriousness. He didnt know anything from this age, and he needed to learn, secretly. Rinoa turned on the stereo and laughed, "Its a Entertainment system. This is the basic stereo, along with its CD changer. Along the walls are the speakers, so the music sounds as if its surrounding you. Then theres this.. Oh.. A dvd player, and a large screen on the wall.." She giggled, "I didnt realize that was there."

He laughed and pushed a button that had looked like an arrow, and a gentle waltz came out of the speakers. Turning a knob that had said Volume, he held his had out to her, "May I have this dance, My Lady?"

Turning scarlet, Rinoa took his hand. He grabbed her waist, pulling her close to him, feeling her hot breath upon his thin white shirt. "If you dont know well, follow my steps." He whispered.

And then, they danced. Round and round, he turned her about the room, twirling her alone and them together. He listened to her awes and giggles of entertainment. He dipped her and carried her, smiling at her beauty. Lost within it. (What am I feeling? Joia..Help me please...)

Rinoa stared into his eyes, her cheeks flushed and her breathing heavy. Squall looked at her deep brown eyes, smiling. But, her eyes changed as soon as he had. They were a pearlish blue. He hair chaned from the highlighted that it had been to full long curls. Her dress had changed as well. He wasnt looking at Rinoa. (Joia...) She smiled at him, blushing. Squall smiled back, feeling heat rise toward his face. Her eyes closed and his dead heart sprung to life. Slowing the dancing, he kept it a gentle waltz, staring at his dancing partner. Her eyes opened and met his own. Slowly, he lowerd his head to hers, just a bit, for the lips were nearly touching. He could feel her breathing, anxiously blowing at his mouth. He bent a little more, pressing his lips against hers gently. (Joia...) He felt her sigh within his mouth, He let out a soft groan, running his fingers down her back. Their dancing stopped as their lips parted, soft tongues gently flowing to each other. Squall heard a tuny moan escape the back of her throat and he pulled her closer to him.

Breathing becoming ragid, their kisses were becoming more passionate, more heated. She ran her fingers on the lines of his chest, pressing against him harder. Squall let out a loud groan that he was not ashamed to hold back. "Squall, I missed you."

He sighed, not opening his eyes, "I missed you too, Joia.."

"JOIA!"

He opened his eyes, He was staring into the dark eyes of Rinoa. She looked at him confused and angry. "You only kissed me...BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE JOIA?"

He shook his head, "No...I...Just..."

He turned and ran out of the dining hall, leaving Rinoa to fight tears on her own. He ran up the stairs and into his room, slamming the door. He opened up the wardrobe in the corner of his room, pulling out the white dress he swore he saw Joia wearing a few minutes a good. He held it to his face, tears pouring from his eyes. "Joia...what's happening? What did you do? What did I do? Joia, help me!" he cried.

Rinoa sat on the dining room floor, tears falling from her eyes. She threw her shoe at the stereo, missing. She threw her other shoe, managing to turn off the music that was playing. She wiped her eyes, but more tears fell. Sniffling, she looked at her hands and touched her lips where Squall had kissed her. She looked at the hallway where the stairs met, wanting to run up and give Squall a piece of her mind. "Why did you use me, Squall?" she cried, quietly. "I wanted to feel your heart beat, I wanted to see your smile, I havent known you long, Squall, but I want to be with you? Why cant you understand?"

She cried more harshly, remembering that he didnt kiss her. He kissed Joia. He didnt want to kiss her. He was dancing with her, he wasnt holding her.

She knew in his head, he was holding Joia.

Slowly standing, Rinoa ran to her bedroom, slamming the door shut. (Joia's room...) she thought. With true rage, she tore the curtains and the wall decor into peices with her own hands. She picked them up in her arms and opened her bedroom door. She ran toward Squall's room and opened the door. There, she saw him crying on the floor, holding a dress to his face.

"YOU WANT JOIA!" she screamed as he turned toward her, "YOU CAN HAVE HER!" with that, she threw all the wall decor and curtains she had tore from Joia's room onto Squall's floor. Squall stared at her blankly, watching her breathing mix with rage.

"You want her..." she said angrily, "Die then, you cant have her if you're still living."

With that, she walked out of his room and straight into Sephiroth;s room, where he was slowly emerging from his side room, buttoning his ruffled shirt. She ran into his arms, crying wildly on his shoulder. Sephiroth looked at her and caressed her hair. He looked up across the hall into Squall's room. And there he saw, Squall laying on the floor along with Joia's things, crying and yelling at the top of his lungs...