"IF ONLY YOU SAW ME"
Chapter Five: Digging Secrets and Lies (Part 1)
"...You made me mad...Yet I apologize...for I know inside...you're hiding..."
Rinoa lay on Joia bed. Except for once, there were no sheets neatly placed on the bed. She was laying on an empty matress. Tears were streaming down her eyes. She had laid there all morning, crying, sniffling and coughing in her anger and sadness. She hadnt slept all night. Sephiroth had laid with her, caressing her hair, assuring her that everything would have been okay. Yet she hadnt listened and she hadnt slept in his arms. Sephiroth had left near close to morning and she continued to lay there. Thinking to herself.
Why was I harsh?
He deserved it!
Couldnt I just have talked to him?
What do I do now?
Why do I feel this way?
I hate it here.
I feel used and left out...
God, kill me.
Rinoa wiped the remainder of dried tears off her face and sighed, slowly closing her eyes, "I need to walk around..."
Squall opened his bedroom door, not caring whether the sun was out or down. What had happened the other night sent him through a spiral of thoughts and confusion. He peeked through the hallway, checking if any drapes were open, exposing sunlight. Luckily, the sun was already falling from the sky. He sighed, closing his blood shot eyes. Walking quietly down the stairway, Squall turned down toward Joia's tomb. Before entering, he leaned his head on the door. " Joia... I'm so sorry, Beloved. Please allow me to enter without any guilt. I swear I felt you, not her, yet..."
He felt a soft wind touch his cheek and he smiled, "Thank you, Love."
Opening the door, he walked inside, not bothering to close the door behind him. He stood near her white casket, smelling the scent of sweet roses. He sighed and rested his hands on the casket. "Joia...please...tell me what to do? I feel like I'm breaking my vow to you..."
"You're not, Squall..."
Squall looked up as the wind carried a gentle formilair voice. "Joia...but she's not you. She looks like you. Its all temptation."
"Squall...I forgive you..."
"Joia.."
"It is alright..."
"Joia, please, tell me what to do."
"What's this?"
Squall looked up to see Rinoa standing at the tomb doorway. "RINOA!"
She looked at him, "What is this? A coffin? Joia?" She slowly backed away, "Her dead body is in here?"
A gust of wind appeared and a light apparition appeared at Squall's side. Rinoa muffled her scream with her hands. It was a woman. Strikingly resembling Rinoa, she walked forward, "Hello, Rinoa..."
Rinoa was lost at words. Squall stood quickly, moving toward Joia's apparition's side, trying to touch her, "Joia..."
Joia looked at him then at Rinoa, "Your mother, Rinoa..."
With that last saying, she dissapeared. Squall turned around in circles, waving at the air, "Joia! Joia! Please come back!"
Rinoa was looking around strangley, fear growing in her eyes. "What did she mean? What is this? Is this a joke?"
Squall shook his head, "No..."
Rinoa walked away from him, "I need to use the phone then."
Rinoa walked toward the living room, a small phone catching her eye. She ran to it, quickly dialing her home phone number.
"Hello?"
"Oh, Rinoa! How are you, Sweetie? How is that man treating you?"
"Sephiroth is great dad." her voice was a bit shakey. She was trembling at the thought of seeing a spirit and having to see Squall's face again.
"That's great to here, Sweetie. Anything happen?"
"Alot of stuff, Daddy. Is mom home?"
"Oh. Its a woman thing. Well then, yes, she's home, I'll go get her. Julia! Phone!"
"Hello?"
"Oh my lord! Rinoa! I've missed your voice."
"I've missed you too, Mom.
"Whats the problem, Sweetie? You sound upset."
"Um...Mom, are you okay?"
"Of course I am, Sweetie. Why?"
"Are you sure? You're not hiding anything from me."
There was silence on the other line. Rinoa gulped. She didnt know what to expect. Whether it was good or bad news. She didnt know what to expect.
"Why are you asking so suddenly, Rinoa?"
"Mom...just tell me anything thats on your chest, Really."
Rinoa heard her mother sigh, "Rinoa...Your father...isnt your your father..."
Rinoa gasped and gave a big gulp, "How come I never knew?"
"We didnt want to tell you. But its been on my chest for a year now..."
Rinoa gasped again and then let out a small sigh, "Anything else mom..." Sadness was lurking in her voice.
She heard Julia gulp on the other line, "I'm...I"m not your mother..."
Rinoa fell to the floor, the phone falling weakly from her hands. It hit the ground with a thud and the distant "hello..hello..." was echoing on the floor. Rinoa faught back tears of anger and sadness. Why hadnt they told her? Was her whole life a lie? She lifted the phone, but didnt say anything.
"Thats why your last name is different, Sweetie. Heartily..."
"Y-you said...it was Grandma's maiden name..."
Julia sighed on the other line, "We lied, Rinoa..."
Rinoa could hear her father in the background, "Julia...what's going on...oh...she knows..."
"Rinoa..." Laguna had taken the phone from Julia, "Rinoa...we're sorry...we had to tell you...but we didnt want to...but you asked..."
Rinoa was openly crying over the phone. Her parents werent her parents. They were just...people... People she had been living with. People she had called mom and dad. People who she had taken to school recitals and danced with at parties. These werent her family...they were just people...
"Rinoa?"
"Who's my mother?" Rinoa asked sternly betweening gulping tears.
"...Her name is Joan Heartily..."
"Why isnt she takeing care of me?"
Laguna let a big sigh and a soft sound, as if he were crying, "Rinoa...Joan was a good friend of ours. But after you were born, she went...insane... we're your god parents, Rinoa... but we raised you as our daughter."
"Insane?"
Rinoa was showing no mercy...yet sadness was felt deeply within her tone. "She was seeing things..."
Rinoa let out a cry and coughed, "Is she alve?"
"Yes..."
"Where is she?"
"She is the Mental Institution in Balamb...right where you are..."
Rinoa nodded. "Thank you."
"You're welcome...Rinoa..."
She sighed and gave akiss sound over the phone, sniffling, "Daddy...You'll always be my daddy... and Mom too... I love you guys both... but no more secrets."
Laguna gave a nervous laugh."OK then. But there's one more."
Rinoa gulped, "What is it?"
"Angelo is a girl."
Rinoa only laughed at that, her tears slowly stopping.
A/N Sorry fo the long wait...but...TADA! that was chapter 5, I hope U enjoyed it, of course, more to come.
