A/n: LONG CHAPTER! And I apologize. But I hope yOu all like it very much - :D
"IF ONLY YOU SAW ME"
Chapter Six: Digging Secrets and Lies (Part Two)
"...You made me mad...Yet I apologize...for I know inside...you're hiding..."
After wiping her tears, Rinoa took a quick shower and changed her clothes. Wearing a pink dress, she slipped outside, running to Balamb city. Once within, she randomly asked people if there was a Mental Institution in the city. Many looked at her as if she belonged there, but one answered. "Oh, Sure. Its right near the docks of the town. Near the hotel. Its a bit hidden, But i'm sure you wont miss it."
Rinoa smiled, "Thank You."
She smiled at the old man that had told her and ran toward the docks. She looked up at the sky. The sun was completley down, yet still a bit light out. (good... it should still let me in.)
Clozing her eyes while she ran, she tried picturing what her mother looked like. Did she look like her?
"UMPH!"
"Watch It!"
Rinoa bumped into someone and fell to the floor. She let out a little whine and looked up, "Oh, Zell!"
One of her good friends, Zell Ditch, was smiling down at her. "Hey, Rinoa. What brings you back to Balamb?"
She smiled standing up, "ummm..." she twirled her toe around, smiling, "Nothing much. Just looking to meet someone."
Zell went up to Rinoa, placing his arm around her side, "Came back to me?"
She laughed, staring into his eyes. When Rinoa spent her last year of school in Balamb Garden, she and Zell had some what of a dating period. They were on and off, but when they were on, they were all over each other. She remembered it well. He ran a finger down her spine, "Have you come back to me? Missed me?"
She laughed again, deciding whether to fall into his embrace or pull away. "Rinoa, Love."
She turned around and saw Squall standing behind her. "Oh, Squall."
She gave a quick look to the sky, seeing no sun, she figured thats why he had followed her. "I had seen you run out... I was worried." Squall said.
"Whose he?" Zell whispered in her ear.
Squall gave a stern look and grabbed Rinoa's arm, "None of your concern, Lad."
Rinoa smiled a little, to play along. Zell looked at her then at Squall. "I get it. Well then, I'm always here for you, Rinoa."
Zell walked toward his home, entering through the front door. Rinoa looked at Squall and pulled away from his grasp. "Why did you follow me?"
"I wanted to apologize for everything."
Rinoa closed her eyes, walking away from him. "Rinoa."
"You shouldn't be out. You should stay home in her tomb."
He ran to her side, grabbing her arms again. She looked at him sternly, "Please dont stall me. I have someone to see."
He held her with a tight grasp, "Who?"
She turned away from him, "My mother..."
Squall let her go and steadily started to follow her. "Why do you continue to follow me?"
"I want to keep you company. Make sure you're safe."
"Whatever."
Squall continued to follow her. While she had done or spoken to who ever she had, He had stayed, laying his head on Joia's casket. There he felt that Joia was trying to tel him something about Rinoa. But he didnt know what exactly. He couldnt hear Joia's voice in his head anymore. As if she had completely dissapeared. He had sighed and decided to follow Rinoa.
He watched how she walked. Walking as if she were trying to get away from him and to where she was going at the same time. He truely had hurt her, although that wasnt what he had intended. He wanted to apologize fully. Give his reasons. But it seemed at the moment she wasnt going to listen to him at all.
Rinoa stopped in front of a one story building, reading the sign that read "Balamb's Mental Institution". She gave a sigh. "The person you are wanting to meet is in here?" Squall asked, standing beside her.
Rinoa looked at him and walked inside. They walked into the Lobby of the building, and looked around. It was plain and slightly a bit to mental for a mental home. Rinoa sighed and went up to the desk, "When do visiting hours end?"
"8:00" The receptionist said.
Rinoa nodded and looked at the clock. 7:45. She looked back at the receptionist, "May I see Joan Heartily please."
The receptionist looked in files on the computer and nodded. "Will it be the both of you?"
"Both?" Rinoa asked confused. She had completely forgot Squall was behind her. "Yes, both, Please." Squall said.
Rinoa turned around and glared at Squall. "Why are you-"
"I want to." he said, interupting her.
She sighed and follwed the receptionist to another room. "Wait here please."
The receptionist pointed to a table and left the room. Rinoa sat down and Squall sat next to her. "Rinoa, I want to apologize."
"You said you wanted to apologize already." Rinoa said harshly, not looking at him.
He sighed, "Why are you being difficult?"
She sighed. "Rinoa?"
She didnt make a sound, simply continued looking ahead. "Rinoa! All I want to say is sorry!"
Sge looked at him, with slight tears rimming her eyes, "Fine. You've apologized! But it doesnt mean i'm going to forgive you. You used me becuase you missed Joia..."
"Rinoa..."
"Here she is." The receptionist came back into a room with a young tired woman. Rinoa stopped argueing with Squall and looked at the woman as the receptionist led her to sit. "This is Joan Heartily. Visiting hours will end soon. So you dont have much time."
Rinoa nodded and the receptionist left. "Mother?"
The woman looked up. Her eyes were milky white, as if she were blind. "Oh mother..."
"Whose there?" Joan said.
Rinoa faught back tears. "Mother...its Rinoa... your daughter."
Tears slowly began to fill Joan's milky eyes, "Rinoa...my baby...?"
Rinoa nodded, "Yes..."
Joan stood, arms open, waiting for Rinoa to run into her arms. Rinoa complied. They stood there, hugging and crying. "Rinoa, Dear. I"m so sorry I left you as I did. I had no choice...I left you with your god parents..."
"I know, Mother. I know"
"Do you forgive me, Rinoa? Forgive me for never knowing you?"
Rinoa hugged her mother tightly, "Yes...Yes I do..."
Rinoa looked her mother in the eyes, "When did you go blind, Mother?"
Joan laughed, "Dont worry, I should be able to see soon. I had surgery last week, my vision is suppose to return."
Rinoa smiled, "I"ll be happy when it happens. I want you to see me."
Rinoa scanned her mother carefully. She looked nothing like her mother. Maybe she looked like her father, who ever he might have been. Joan laughed, feeling Rinoa's face, "You must be drop dead beautiful." she said laughing.
"She's very lovely." Squall said.
Rinoa gave him a dirty look and shooshed him. "Oh. And who might you be?" Joan asked.
Squall laughed. Rinoa covered his mouth before he could even say anything. "He's a bother." Rinoa said.
Joan laughed, "well, leet me here his name."
Squall laughed again, "My name is Squall. Squall Leonhart."
Joan's expression changed. Her eyes showed fear and she slightly backed away. Rinoa became confused. So did Squall. "Mother?" Rinoa asked.
"You-"
"Visiting hours are over."
Rinoa and Squall walked through the feild in moonlight. "I wonder what happened with my mother. She seemed scared of you. I can see why." Rinoa said harshly.
Squall sighed, "why are you being stubborn. I just want to apologize. I dont want anything wrong to be between us."
Rinoa stopped walking, "Something is wrong between us."
Squall stopped next to her, "What's that?"
"You..." After saying that, Rinoa continued walking. Squall stared at the ground, anger surging through him. "I didnt mean to do what I did." He said quietly.
Rinoa stopped walking and looked at him. He looked at her. " I didnt mean to do what I did. Yes, I miss Joia very much, She was the girl I ever loved. But you resemble her so much. I admit, I was lost in your beauty, not hers, for a while. But something happened and I wasnt thinking. And I'm sorry."
Rinoa lowered her head, "I forgive you." she whispered.
He looked at her. She lifted her head, "But dont toy with my heart."
She walked inside of the house. Squall stayed outside, kicking at the grass. He began to think -
----
"I would love company, My good sir." Squall smiled at the young woman's remark. "May I ask your name?" He asked her. She smiled, "Joia Heartily." He smiled, "Joia...what a beautiful name.." She laughed and looked at him, "May I know your name?" He laughed and walked up to her, grabbing her hand, "Squall Leonhart, my good lady Joia." She smiled and looked up at the sky.
----
Squall sighed at the memory. He had first learned Joia's name then. He looked up and walked up the stairs toward the front door. As soon as he opened the door, he heard distant crying and soothing. He looked up at the sound and saw it came from Rinoa's room. Running up the stairs, he felt a bit of fear. For some odd reason, he wanted to hold her and comfort her. Why was she crying?
He barged into the room to find Rinoa crying on Sephiroth's lap. "It's alright, Rinoa." Sephiroth said, "He didnt mean any of it. Give him slight time."
He looked up to find Squall looking at him, "Squall, the two of you need a good talk."
Squall nodded and moved aside to allow Sephiroth space to leave the room. Sephiroth looked at Rinoa's tearful face and kissed her forehead, "Talk to him." And he stood, patting Squall on the shoulder, then left.
Squall stood at the doorway, watching as Rinoa's tearful face grew more saddened and depressed. "Rinoa..."
She stood up and ran out of the bedroom. Squall yelled angrily and hit the wall. "Joia..." he whisperd, "I'm sorry...but I need to."
He suddenly became light headed and fell to his knees. "Ugh...Why are you stopping me Joia?"
While Squall struggled to regain his strength, Rinoa ran down the stairs to Joia's tomb. Once reaching the door, it widely opened for her presence. Rinoa wiped her tears and slowly entered. She looked around and smelled the sweet scent of roses, what she hadnt smelled before. She looked around, running her hands on the white casket that lay in the middle of the room. "So you're Joia.." Rinoa said sadly. "You have Squall's heart."
Rinoa sat on the same chair that Squall had sat in before, "Joia.." She said, "I know Squall talks to you. I dont know what he s-says about me. But I would like to talk to you too."
A slight gust of wind hit Rinoa's face and she sighed. "I dont know what to say to you. But I know, that something is happening to me. I feel as if I am falling in love with Squall. But I also feel like I've always loved him. Which is why when I first saw him, I placed my hand on his heart... as if I could feel it beating with loneliness. Thats why I talked to him so soon, even though he scared me. He was...he is gentle. He is sweet and kind. But at the moment, I am mad at him for kissing me...though he was kissing you-"
Another gust of wind hit Rinoa's face. She jumped in her seat and looked around. The door to the tomb closed and the sweet rose scent was diminishing She gulped, "I know I shouldnt say it to you since you are his love. But its the way I feel. I think I love him. but... I feel like he's hiding from me. I want to apologize for being the mean bitch I could be. I want to apologize for it. Yet...being me, I dont want to give in. I dont want to be used."
"I understand..." a voice came, trailing upon the air.
Rinoa jumped in her seat and gave a small whimper of fear, "Thank...you...for listening..."
The tomb door opened and Rinoa slowly walked out. But before ascending the stairs, she turned back and laid a kiss on the white casket, "Thank you very much."
Rinoa turned and walked up the stairs. But as she did, the tomb door slammed shut, knocking a picture fram off the wall. Rinoa quickly turned around, her heart pounding in her chest. She looked at the picture frame and saw a rip through the portrait of Joia. The picture Rinoa resembled the most. She knelt down by it and saw few old parchments folded inside of it. She took them out of the of the frame and sat on the floor next to thr frame.
She opened the first one. It had appeared to be a diary entry. She slowly read;
I met a wonderful woman tonight. The angel's name...Joia. Joia Heartily. Her family is well known here in Balamb, but I seem to be catching her heart. Her cool eyes, fully plump lips, I could taste her without even having a taste of her. I could feel the heat running from her veins, yet I wont peirce her delicate skin to feel it more. She seems fragile, friendly, yet extremely strong and loyal. I need to see her again. I told her I wanted to see her in front of the house again tonight. She accepted my invitation. Maybe she could be mine... I could learn to love her. I could fall in love with her. I could turn her...perhaps.
-Squall Leonhart
1812.March.10.
Rinoa stared at the date on the bottom of the entry, "1812?" She whispered to herself.
She opened another parchment and on it was a drawing. It looked like Squall and Joia...a porttrait dated...April 23, 1812. "What is this?" She looked up to hear footsteps coming down the stairs. She quickly put the parchments in a vase and placed the picture back in its place. She walked quickly into the kitchen, going into the fridge, trying to sound busy. "Rinoa." She turned around to see Sephiroth standing by the doorway.
"Oh, its you."
He smiled, "Yes, it is." He walked in and sat in the chair, "How are you feeling?"
She smiled and kissed his cheek, "I'm very fine now. I want to thank you. For putting up with me, even though you dont know me so well."
He smiled, "A girl as sweet as you cant be left in despair."
She blushed, "Thank you, Sephiroth."
"You're very welcome."
She smiled at him, placing her hand on his shoulder. "I will go talk to Squall now."
He nodded, "He's in his bedroom's balcony." She nodded and walked out of the kitchen. Walking up the stairs, she could hear the wind blowing from Squalls room. She walked toward it, holding her hands tight behind her. Stepping in to the room, she cleared her thraot. Squall turned around and sighed, "I'm sorry for all I've ont to you. I'm making your stay here horrible and I apologize."
She shook her head, "It's alright."
She walked next to him and stared at the moon, "Its beautiful tonight, I just needed to see."
He looked at her, smiling and looked back at a memory quite like that one. "Well, A lovely lady like you shouldnt be out tonight."
She looked at him smiling, "And a lovely lady shouldnt be lied to, Squall."
His smiled faded, "What?"
She turned to face him fully, "Is there anything you're hiding from me?"
"I...I..."
"Squall..."
Squall turned away from her. He didnt know what to say to her. He was lying to her, plenty of ways was he lying. "Squall, I found peices of paper with your name on it. Like dairy entrys."
He looked at her wide eyed, "What?"
She looked at him, "Yes I did. But they were dated from 1812...and talked about you met Joia..."
Squall lowered his head. He really didnt know what to say. "Why were they dated back to 1812, Squall? Is this a joke?"
He didnt look at her, "no..."
"Then?" she said, putting her hand on his back, "What is it? Tell me?"
Squall looked at her, "I met Joia in March of 1812..."
"What? Thats not possible?"
"Yes it is..."
"Squall, stop lying."
He shook his head, "I'm not lying."
"YES YOU ARE!"
he grabbed her roughly, anger surging through him, "I"m not lying!" he said, opening his eyes. His eyes were a golden red. Fangs sprouted from his mouth,
Rinoa tried to pull away from him, "You're...you're..."
He looked at her sternly, "...a vampire..."
