"IF ONLY YOU SAW ME"

Chapter Fifteen: Guilt

"...Spend your last momments...laying in my arms...I will protect you...I will try to..."


Squall opened his eyes, seeing darkness. He heard the night calls of the mosters of the forest. He slightly peaked through, seeing the moonlight shining. Removing his cloak and Rinoa's jacket, he felt Rinoa land on the floor with a THUD. He went to her slowly, enduring the pain that spread within his chest. He could barely see her. His eyes were burning as he tried to see. He coughed, grabbing Rinoa, pulling her toward him. He looked at her sleeping face. She was peaceful. Yet, why hadnt she awakened when she fell from him?

He sighed and tried to lift her in his arms. He fell backwards, with her landing on his chest. He yelled, picking her up and laying her softly on the outer garments that lay on the ground. He looked at his chest, seeing all the blood that had stained his shirt. Upon lifting it, he saw severe burns on chest. He cringed at the site. He had no idea how long it would take for him to heal.

He sighed and looked at Rinoa, seeing her turn and grab her chest. Confused and worried, he pulled her toward him, lifting her shirt. On her chest, right below the center of her breast, was a large purple bruise and slight bleeding. he placed his hand on it, "What has Joia dont to you?"

He tried lifting her again, standing unbalanced. he wasnt going to let her fall. He wasnt going to fall. He was going to take her home, lay her in bed, and rest with her. Wrapping the cloak and jacket around her arms to keep her from the cold. He held her tightly, and with struggle, walked out of the forest. He walked toward the house. Flashes of memories came before his eyes. Memories of when he had met Joia, when he first made love to her, everything. He stood still closing his eyes. When the flashes stopped, he opened them...and couldnt see anything.

"No...no...NO!"

He held out one hand, waving it in front of his face. Yet, he didnt see his hand. He fell to his knees, Rinoa still in his arms. He didnt know how far he was from the house. Yet...he tried to scream. "SEPHIROTH! WAKKA! CLOUD!.."

He continued to yell everyones name, hoping for them to come. he lfited Rinoa close to his face, rubbing his cheek against her own. He felt tears falling from his eyes. He knew he waas crying. "Rinoa...I'm sorry...I'm trying to save you...I'm sorry..."

He cried openly, tears falling on Rinoa's face. She didnt move. "Squall..."

Squall lifted his head up, hoping to see. he couldnt. But he recongnized the voice speaking to him, "Sephiroth..."

He felt Sephiroth kneel in front of him, "Let me take her inside."

"I cant see...I cant save her..."

Sephiroth lowered his head. "Come now." he said.

He lifted Squall to a stand and led him back to the house. Upon entering, Squall heard Sephiroth say to Fujin, "Take him to his room". Sephiroth took Rinoa from his hands, "I'm going to have Dai wash her up. We'll then bring her to you."

Squall nodded and felt Fujin grab his arm. "Come on." She said.

There was silence between them as they walked up the stairs. Fujin walked him to his room, laying him on the bed. She then went to the bathroom, grabbing a cup of hot water and a clean cloth. She returned to Squall's room to find him crying on the bed. Leaving the cup on the ground beside her, she knelt and wet the cloth, "Squall?"

He turned toward her voice, his eyes closed, "I couldnt help her...I'm useless..."

Fujin ran the clothe over his eyes, "You are not. It is not your fault. Tell me what happened."

He slowly began to talk. telling her what he had learned and what had happened during the forest and to Rinoa. He heard Fujin sigh, "Joia has changed in death...she holds a storng grudge towards you..."

He sighed, new tears falling from his eyes. Fujin wiped his eyes again. "Try opening them for me." She said.

He opened his eyes, seeing silhouettes and darkness. "Can you see a bit?" She asked.

"Silhouettes..." Squall said softly.

Fujin sighed, "Its a start."

She opened his shirt, exposing his burned bleeding chest. She ran the hot watered cloth over him, cleaning his wounds, He closed his eyes tightly, "I need to see her." He said.

Fujin re-dipped the cloth, "I know you want to see her. Dai will bring her soon."

Squall sat up, spilling watered blood on the sheets, "I need to see her now."

Fujin placed her hand on his chst, "Calm down, Squall."

"No...She's within my protection."

Fujin managed to lay him back down, grabbing a towel to dry his wounds. Wrapping him in thin cloth, she tried to bandage his wounds. Once finsihed, she looked at him, "Can you see?"

He shook his head,"Outlines only..."

She nodded, "I"ll bring Rinoa now."

She left the room, leaving Squall to himself. If he hadnt had left that morning, he would be fine. So would have been Rinoa. Everything would be fine. Yet, he needed to know. He needed to see and figure it out. Once he knew...all the pain began. Joia attacked him because he knew. yet...she ws going to anyway. Its unavoidable...

Wakka came into the room, holding Rinoa in his arms. Squall turned to him, making out his figure and the slight facial feature he could see, "Lay her next to me please."

Squall moved over in bed, wicning at his bandaged wounds. Wakka nodded and placed Rinoa next to him and slowly walked out of the room. Once he left, Squall looked down at Rinoa, "Its my fault. You could have been ok. I should have saved myself instead of beggig for you. You would be okay then."

Tears fell from his eyes, "Rinoa...I"m sorry. I cant be forgiven for what has happened...although you have forgiven me...I have yet so many more apologies."

Rinoa stired and moved closer to him, letting out a soft whine. Squall sighed, "Its ny fault," He wrapped his arms around her, "Its all my fault."

he laid his head in her hair, "I will protect you from joia. She cant except how I love you. I know she will continue to try to kill us both. If I dont succeed, i wouldnt be able to live with myself."

He looked at Rinoa slowly, "I never want you to die... it will be my fault if I dont do so..."

He opened his mouth, his fangs outstretched, placing them on Rinoa's neck. Throughout the house, all that could be heard, were Rinoa's screams.


A/N: Thanx for all the reviews. Makes me feel a whole lot better. Just wanna say that I wont be able to update for a feel days, which is why I put2 chapters. -SIGH- I will be back soon though. I promise. -:- Casi Muerto -:-