The Essence of Jaded
by: Toorikosu
Chapter Four: "Misfortune Seldom Comes Alone"
Déjà vu… it was amazing how something so simple could seem to bring on a meaning that was so influential to one, but it was nothing more than an insignificant second glance at a thought. There was no way she could have experienced this particular scenario once before, but it was much like one that she had previously encountered. This time was different in that she had just returned from a meeting with Colonel Roy Mustang as to gather information on the National Alchemist Qualification Exams. She had just exposed the first step to her factual mission.
The last time she had stood in this same, exact train station had been weeks ago. 'Weeks…' the wound was still freshly carved into her heart. Last time the sky had reflected her spirit. It was a deep gray with slurred clouds smeared across the sky. She hadn't cried back then, nor had the sky. It looked as though both were struggling to withhold the waterworks. Nonetheless, you didn't need tears to cry. Tears would always find their way out. Whether it be from your veins or your sanity, one would eventually leak out. As for her, it was her blood that had poured in exchange for the tears she couldn't break out. Subsequent to the funeral, she had returned home of who felt her wrath. Sadly she didn't know his murderer so she couldn't seek him out to make the kill, so she had to break something. It was quite unlike her, one who was usually so calm and collected, but this was different from the usual. This was… Hughes's death. It just wasn't right, so why would she be right? It didn't make sense, but then again, currently it seemed that nothing made sense. Even now, she had the peculiar feeling that this very, same incident had occurred before, but her consciousness told her that it couldn't be so. She was for sure that this had never happened, nor could it have happened. Déjà vu… was as mysterious as any other old superstition that her mother had clung to like a rat to cheese. She practically fed on the time-old fallacies.
'Mother…' Gloved hands clenched. Everything was slowly rising up, threatening to spill over. Thankfully a whistle screeched through the air before she could allow any more hazardous thoughts into mind. She snatched up her luggage, alerting passerby's that she carried either heavy artillery or massive mechanical tools. More than likely they suspected the latter. Her steps were brisk, she needn't spend any more time in this wretched reminisce trap.
She returned her ticket, which would allow her to return on the train that would send her home. She was smashed against the other travelers, amazingly plentiful despite the time of day, and sighed softly. She hated train stations for many reasons, and the top of the list would always be the crowd. Every time she was pushed against another person, she had to wonder, 'Will they notice?' 'Can they feel it?' never knowing when she would be discovered. It was like she was carrying a ticking time bomb that would explode upon detection.
She stood in line, patiently waiting for her turn to step aboard the train. Slowly, the shuffling line advanced and it was her turn. She smiled. Just two more steps, then however many it would take for her to pick a seat, and then she would be home about a day. "Jadea! Miss Jadea!" Jadea hesitated. She already had one foot in the train, the other was held back. "Huh?" she blinked and twisted her torso just enough to stare behind her. All she could see was a hand waving frantically above the mob. The man was pushing hard to get through the throng of passengers. "Military officer coming through," she heard him mutter once he was nearer. He was groaning as well. Upon hearing "military" the people did their best to make way. In the end, he ended up in front of her. Jadea stepped into the train's doorway, facing her tracker. He was bent over, his hands resting on his knees as he heaved greatly.
Jadea's brow arched in interest. It was the same blonde as before. "Ah… Good afternoon, Havoc, Sir." She whispered softly. After taking his deep breaths, Havoc stood up straight. He saluted her, which she found quite odd but she saluted back, and smirked. "Colonel Mustang asked for me to give you this. 'Said you forgot it in his office." His hand reached into a pocket and withdrew a white envelope. She smiled shyly and accepted said note. "Thank you so much for personally escorting it all this way." Havoc nodded, that smirk still on his face. Something was once again wriggling in his mouth, but this time it was a cigarette. "Yeah, sure." He stepped back, as did she. A door slid shut to cut off each other's view. Jadea scouted out her seat, not seeing much sense in staring at the door even if Havoc was on the other side. Though Havoc was watching the train, waiting until it departed.
Once in her seat, Jadea used a sharp edge of her finger to tear open the envelope's seal. She pulled out a sheet of paper and let her eyes devour the contents with full interest. Roy's message read:
Jadea,
I don't know what you plan to gain in joining the military but I won't stop you. If you want to take on the responsibility so much, then go for it. I suggest that you find a teacher to help you out on your studies because the exam's no walk in the park. Tons of alchemists show up every year and only one out of all is selected. You're going to have a tough challenge, and there's a chance that you may not even make it. I'm not saying that you won't, I'm saying that there's a high possibility that you're going to have a run for your money. Don't expect me to give you any pointers because I won't be able to stretch my neck out for you. As it is, I'm already here. You'll have to make your way up to me, but I'll try to give what assistance I can. It's all I can do for now, if you need anything, you know where I am. Just don't let this leak out to the public and your family. It's for the best. And, before you become a State Alchemist, make sure you're willing to sacrifice yourself for the "greater good" because you know exactly what kind of hell this is. There's no honor here, Jadea. It's a thankless slavery to the State. You may not want to let Maes down… but you shouldn't let yourself down either. Think this through clearly. You know what you are, and what you'll be, and what you could become. Don't make regrets.
Mustang.
Ps. In the envelope are reference listings for areas near HQ. I suggest that if you want to be within the military's research, you'll need to be close by. The farther away you are, the less likely that you'll be called upon. Think about that.
Jadea smiled. She dumped over the white paper and sure enough, a small list of numbers fell out. She picked it up and examined the reference. Her thumb smoothed over the dark ink; it smeared slightly upon contact, meaning that it had just been printed but moments before. She grinned. Things were coming together nicely… but in the back of her mind. She knew that wouldn't last for long. How long would it be before the natural course picked up to push her down the stairs of tribulation? Her eyes narrowed in on a particular number. It didn't matter… She would suffer the same and survive it with just enough spit to tell it.
'Thank you, Roy… I couldn't have done it without you.' She folded the letter back up and tucked it back into her pocket. Things were going to become even more complex from this moment forward, and she knew it. She relished it. Complex was something that she was quite familiar with. As soon as she returned home, she would rid herself of unneeded possessions. Things would be picking up on a quick pace from here on out. She would have to be ready for anything thrown her way. Her eyes narrowed in thought. 'Bring it on, you sick diminutive creatures. I'll take you full throttle.' But not yet… first things first. Everything had to come in order if it was meant to come out right. She closed her eyes, trying to bring on relaxation that teased her brain. Hopefully, sleep would overcome her soon…
Her hopes were partially fulfilled. She was drugged with sleep in no time, but rather than the peace she had desired, she was stricken with the nightmares of times before that she would kill to forget. There was no telling how long it lasted, for when she awoke it was a light gray, the sun not having quite woken up itself. The train was dark except for a soft glow from every other light socket. She sat there in silent terror. The horrendous visions from her dream still gripped her with an icy chill that seeped through her heavy apparel. She twisted her torso in the booth, doubting that she would be able to return to sub consciousness after having relived the tragic memory. It made her wonder… was it a sign or foreboding? Or had it been just a coincidence that she would dream about when the "trial of jaded" had begun? Either way, the realistic revelation was taunting and disturbing, threatening to push her into paranoia. She shook her head, trying to gain a mental grip. Pressing her cheek against the cool upholster of the seat. A glance outside the window and she saw it: her hometown. The second step was about to begin.
Author's Commentary: Yay, finally a fourth chapter! I'm sorry that it took so long to write this one. I'm bouncing back and forth between High School's algebra and biology homework, working on my websites, and trying to type up what I wrote over the summer. It's all just so much to do. Though hopefully you can find the time to R & R! Remember, good reviews always motivate me to work faster.
Also... I'm looking for suggestions. I'm working on an outline of this story so I know in what direction it's going but most of it is for further into the end of the story. So as for the beginning, the parts as to "how it gets there" is always the hardest for me. I'm trying to make this as un-cliche as possible, so I'm trying really hard to resist any and all pairings besides those already presented in the actual anime/manga. Unfortunatly there will be a chapter where it's unavoidable, so I apologize in advance for that. As for who it is... you'll figure that out later. And if you're hoping to see the Elric brothers some more, they may not be presented in the next, but I do have them planned for the one after that. We'll just have to see how I have things going so far. Ja ne and thanks for reading!
