Chapter 7
Lister and the other Red Dwarf crew were crouched behind a large unobtrusive cardboard box.
"Hey, buddy, you think they've given up?" asked the Cat wearily, "we've been her for hours!"
"CAT its only been fifteen minutes, they could easily be there waiting for us. I thought cats were supposed to be PATIENT..."
"I am! Just not when i'm sitting so close to Mr Lamp Post!"
Rimmer (for it was he Cat was speaking of) was having an 'embarrasing panic attack' out of the cover of the box and gibbering about short people and disappearences and death. Kryten was attempting to calm him, and all of them gave up. They stood and walked out of the cover of the box (except Rimmer who was dragged). they were confronted by a deranged person with a bad combover, large glasses and a tangle of christmas lights around his neck.
"Merry Chris-mas!" he said as he brought out an enourmos carving knife.
For the second time in two chapters the Dwarfers looked horrified and looked at each other.
"Leg it!" cried Lister, and they turned to run and fell into the cardboard box.
And kept on falling.
Richard was by this time sitting in his room writing another letter:
"Dear mummy wummy scrummy yummy its your widdle piddle wichie itchie scitchie poo. The others are bastards," he looked up and frowned slightly, " I think they dont like me..."
Tim was on the table in the main room looking at the ceiling.
"Hmm. Those rats have got at the cables again."
Paul appeared at knee height.
"No Tim, remember that's from when you threw Richard's birthday present-- you know the scale model of the Pacific Ocean at the ceiling and the coral ate the wires."
"Oh... I never knew coral was carnivorous. That's amazing. My cousin Valmay went to the sea once.. most of her came back poor thing, but they never found that kidney..."
Tim looked around and ealised Paul had disappeared.
Paul was walking along a corridor looking very shifty, darting glances at every passing speck, keeping an eye on everything. He opened a door and went inside. He was in the room with the TV, the link to Fnord. He turned it on and whispered something.
"You have Done Well!" boomed out of the TV, but it wasn't the voice of Fnord it was female, and very gruff.
Paul smirked and nodded, "Well I couldn't disobey my own mother..."
He turned to a table and on it was a panel of controls: presumably for the Titanic II. He pressed the one marked 'Press This IF You Wish To Steal The Sub'. he began to laugh madly, and highpitched.
The TV exploded and he screamed.
"NO! My only link to home, to the grand master plan of G.T.S.!
The room started to fill with smoke and go green. Flacco rose out of the floor, complete with horns and a forked tail.
"Hello. Just popping by... I'm Satan by the way, or Santa, either way, Some would even call me Flacco but who listens to Some, personally I think he's full of gas."
