TITLE: Let Go, Move On
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: As Shannon and Sayid move towards their future, Shannon needs to confront part of her past.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.
Shannon sank wearily onto the couch. She brought her coffee mug to her lips, but the smell was too much. She placed her untouched coffee back on the table. Even though she had slept through the night, she had been plagued by nightmares. She wanted nothing more than to close her eyes and go back to bed, but she knew that she still would be haunted. She needed to talk with Sayid. Unfortunately, he had gotten out of bed before her, and she still heard the shower running. Normally she would have climbed in there with him, but the uncertainty that had formed at the pit of her stomach since he hadn't answered her marriage proposal stopped her.
It wasn't like him to completely ignore her as he did last night. She didn't know why he had mentioned Nadia when she had asked him to marry her. She took a few deep breaths. She refused to go down that train of thought. She would not allow herself to believe that he still really wanted Nadia. But then why hadn't he answered her? Was marriage something he wasn't ready for, and he had been afraid to tell her? But Sayid wasn't someone who shied away from telling her anything.
Shannon hated this feeling of not knowing what was going on with him. They were getting so much better with talking about the things that bothered them. They were learning that when they kept things to themselves, they eventually blew up at each other. They had tired of fighting, though they both enjoyed the making up part.
She startled as she felt Sayid caress her shoulder. She hadn't even heard the water turn off. She turned her head slightly to look at him, and immediately wished she hadn't. Shannon could never stay mad at him, or think straight after he stepped out of the shower. He wore sweatpants, and nothing else. His hair still wet from the shower hung against his shoulders causing water to drip down his chest. She watched the droplets as they slid down his stomach and past his belly button, causing her breath to catch. Her earlier doubts slipped away as he leaned down to kiss her.
"Good morning," he said. "I'm surprised to see you awake so early. You did not seem to sleep well."
He moved to sit beside her on the sofa. She watched him closely as he reminded her of what she had been thinking about. He wouldn't look at her directly in the eye, and she knew immediately that he knew why she hadn't slept well.
"I don't like staying in bed without you. Not that it seemed like you wanted to be there with me," she said struggling to keep the hurt from her voice.
His shoulders sagged at her confession. For an instant she felt guilty for her words. She hated that she could still hurt him so badly, but she just needed answers. Why didn't the man she had given her heart and soul to answer her when she asked him to marry her?
He stood and moved so that he was kneeling in front of her. Her eyes traveled over him as she tried to figure out what he was doing. He was driving her crazy. First he came out from the shower, then he wasn't very comforting, and now he was on the floor in front of her.
Taking her hands in his, he took a deep breath. "I needed to clear my head," he said, squeezing her hands reassuringly. "You always say that a shower helps you."
She pulled one hand away, and wiped a few drops of water off his shoulder, her hand lingering longer than it needed. She was stalling from whatever it was that he was going to say. Why did he have to clear his head? Had the question of marriage been too much for him?
"I know you are upset that I did not answer you last night." He brought her hand to his lips for a kiss. "I admit that you caught me off guard. But that is not why I did not give you an answer."
"Why didn't you?" she asked, her voice trembling.
He wasn't acting like a man who didn't want to marry her, but he was acting suspicious.
"You stole my question, and I envisioned it differently."
She crinkled her brow in confusion. What was he talking about? He pulled out a box from his pocket, and her heart stopped. He had wanted to ask her. Her heart started pounding as she realized that he was about to propose to her. She pulled her hands away from him, and wiped them against her pajama pants before giving them back to him.
"I realize that this is not the most romantic place to do this, but I did not think you would allow me to wait too much longer."
She started to laugh. It was true she would have asked him about it and she would have pushed him to propose. Her laughter stopped as she realized that all her fears had been unfounded, and he really was going to ask her to marry him.
Sayid paused as if he was trying to get his thoughts together. He began to play with the box in his hands, flipping it back and forth. He seemed to realize what he was doing, and he laughed nervously.
He tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "I love you, Shannon. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You came into my life when I needed you the most, even if I had not realized it yet. For the first time since I could remember, I thought about the possibility of future, and the only picture I saw had you in it. I stopped caring about rescue on the island, because I was simply happy to have you by my side."
Shannon couldn't believe all he was saying. No one had ever simply wanted to be with her before. She had been so worried earlier and now she knew without any doubt that Sayid wanted her and only her to be with him. She had never thought she would find someone who would say something like that to her, and it made her heart soar.
She didn't know what to say. It was the most she had ever heard him say at once before. Her silence however, seemed to have a different affect on Sayid.
He ran his fingers through his hair nervously. "I had planned this better while in the shower. I wanted it to be perfect."
Shannon couldn't speak. Her eyes were filled with tears, and she was trying desperately not to cry. She couldn't believe she was getting so emotional about being asked to marry him.
"Shannon, will you marry me?"
She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. She held him tightly as she began to cry.
"Yes," she sobbed into his shoulder.
He rubbed her back soothingly. "You have not seen the ring yet," he said amusement filling his voice.
She pulled back slightly, she had forgotten about that part. In all honesty, just marrying him would make her happy. But she still wanted to see the ring. In a way she was surprised that he had bought her another ring. She still wore the promise ring on her finger, and in all honesty that had been enough for her. Maybe in the past she would have expected more, but now all she needed was Sayid.
With trembling hands she took the box out of his hand, and slowly opened it. Her breath caught as she looked at it. The ring looked old fashioned, and wasn't something she would have picked out for herself. Yet she was strangely drawn to it. She touched it gently, and she fell in love with it. It was white gold with a large diamond surrounded by detailed work unlike anything she had ever seen before.
Sayid pulled the ring out of the box, and took her hand in his as if he was going to slip the ring on her finger. Instead, he held onto her hand his eyes staring at the ring as if he was lost in his memories. She squeezed his hand hoping he would share what he was thinking.
"This ring belonged to my mother," he said softly, tears filling his eyes. "My father bought it for her on a trip to England. Mother always wore it." He took a shaky breath. "After I was dishonorably discharged from the Guard, Mother knew I would never be able to return home. She gave it to me to remember her. She snuck it to me when she came to say goodbye at the prison where I was during the interrogation about what happened with Nadia. I do not know how it survived the crash."
"It's beautiful," was all she could say.
"I had thought she was just being sentimental," he continued. "I asked her why this ring, and she said it would be something for me to give my future wife, so she would always carry a piece of family history. Mother said I would know when I had found the right person."
"Are you sure it's me?" she whispered.
She suddenly felt overwhelmed by his declaration. How did he know she was the right person? There had to be so many people out there that were better for him, and for some reason he only wanted her. She still couldn't believe how lucky she was.
He removed her promise ring, slipping it onto her other hand, before he placed her new ring on her finger. It was a perfect fit.
"I have no doubts that you are the one she spoke of." He pulled her into his arms. "My mother would have loved you. I wish you could meet her."
"Why can't I?"
"I can never return to Iraq," he said, his voice breaking.
She ran her fingers over the ring. She didn't think she deserved to be given something so important to him. She rested her head against his shoulder. She felt wrong somehow about wearing a ring that belonged to a woman she had never met, one who probably would hate the fact that she was marring her son. Shannon wasn't worthy of something this special.
"Stop," he said, kissing her forehead as if he knew exactly what she was thinking. "I want this to be yours."
She sighed. Sometimes she hated how well he knew her. She snuggled closer to him as he wrapped his arms around her waist. She could stay like this forever. She knew that soon they would have to get ready to go to Nadia's. But all that was on her mind as she looked at her new engagement ring was Sabrina. Sayid spoke of how he could never go home to his family, and it made Shannon think that maybe she should try to make amends with hers. Shannon's life was finally coming together and in a way she wanted to show her stepmother that she wasn't a screw up. Maybe she would call her before she went to Nadia's. She could use Sayid's name, and make an appointment to meet with her. It would give Shannon the upper hand to have that element of surprise. It was about time that she talked to Sabrina face to face.
TBC…
