Note: I do not own the rights to the song, "If I Only Had a Brain". I borrow them here simply as I like them.
Chapter 4: If I Only Had a Brain
September 10, 1972
Lee clutched the hand of his lunch companion tightly. He wasn't sure why he was so nervous and he felt himself slipping, wanting to say something to her. Let her know about this. But he couldn't breach the Agency trust. He had signed those confidentiality agreements years ago. As much as he knew that Amanda would never tell anyone, he couldn't tell her.
She smiled at him slightly and with her free hand, ran a finger across his cheek, finally bringing her lips to the same place, giving him the softest of kisses before moving back.
Lee smiled at her and let go of her hand to brush a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "Thanks," he whispered.
"Is everything alright, Lee?" she asked in a soft voice and he smiled at her concern.
"I'm just nervous." She cut him off before he could continue.
"Nervous? About what?"
"This new assignment. You know I can't tell you much, but I've been chosen for this team. It's called the Oz Network." She smiled at him and he could almost hear a quip about Toto coming up, so he cut her off. "It's a group of young members of the Agency and being chosen is something of an honor. But, only something of one, as the work is dangerous."
She grabbed his hand again, concern in her eyes. "How many of you are there?"
"Four. I've only met the person in charge of the team, the one who chose us. I had interviewed with him when I first joined the Agency. His codename for this is the Wizard. Which from what I hear is very appropriate. His success rate is so high, rumor has it that he must use magic."
Lee's voice was serious and strained during this and in an effort to lighten the mood, Amanda asked with a laugh, "Can I ask what your codename is?"
Lee thought for a minute, but then decided he couldn't see the harm in telling her, and so said, "Scarecrow. Of course, I've never seen the Wizard of Oz. I don't know what that means."
Amanda laughed before he finished and he just looked at her, waiting for her to explain the joke. What she did instead, took him completely by surprise. She broke into song.
"I could while away the hours, Conferrin' with the flowers, Consultin' with the rain. And my head, I'd be a-scratchin' While my thoughts were busy hatchin' If I only had a brain," she finished with a flourish.
"What is that?" Lee asked, laughing at her now, his earlier seriousness forgotten.
"The Scarecrow," Amanda said smugly and at Lee's quizzical look she continued, "Can you come over for dinner tonight?"
Lee shook his head at the non-sequitor. Only Amanda, he told himself.
"Sure, but I still want to know what the singing was about," he laughed.
"Be there at six. I
promise you'll understand better later tonight."
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"Lee!" Joe exclaimed as he opened the door, and the two men shook hands. Joe was always very open to Lee's presence. Amanda had told Joe to think of Lee like her brother, and it was an analogy that worked well. It enabled Joe to see how close the two were, but he was never jealous. Amanda and Lee's relationship had never been more than platonic and they did act like siblings more than anything else.
Amanda came running in, grinning from ear to ear, and giving Lee a warm hug. Lee couldn't help but notice how small she looked with only Joe and himself in the room with her, how she could have passed for a teenage girl, and it made him smile. Even with Joe around, Lee couldn't help but feel like it was his job to protect her. Somehow he felt like Amanda was his responsibility. Too many times when they'd met for lunch he'd notice some man staring at Amanda and it made him uncomfortable. It wasn't that he didn't notice that Amanda was beautiful, but there was so much more to her than that. And so he found himself glaring at them, forcing them to look away.
He had always thought she didn't even notice the looks she garnered from men when she went out, but now he found himself wondering. She seemed so open and free here, it's what made him think she could pass for a teenager. Maybe she was a bit guarded when she left the house.
As the three made small talk in the entryway, Amanda leaned her head against Joe's chest, while he wrapped his arms around her. Lee felt a bit jealous of their clear happiness and love. He wanted that, too, but considering his job, it was a tough thing to find. Few women were willing to put up with half-answers about his job and his taking off for weeks at a time with no word.
They made their way to the kitchen and gathered around the table. "You outdid yourself, Amanda," Joe said, smiling warmly at his wife, while he ate his dinner.
"This is really great, Amanda," Lee added, and in response Amanda blushed.
Seeing this, Joe decided to tease her a bit more. "I'm awfully lucky to have gotten such a great cook for a wife, don't you think, Lee?"
Picking up on the joke, Lee responded, "I guess it makes up for all the talking you need to put up with."
Amanda looked up at him, her eyes wide in shock and immediately responded, "Why, Lee Stetson!" but stopped when Lee and Joe both burst out laughing at her. She joined their laughter, finishing her planned admonishment with an "Oh you guys!"
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"Now don't keep her out too late, Lee, you hear?" Joe said, deepening his voice.
"No, sir," Lee saluted him, and then dropping the charade, the two men shook hands again. "Thanks for dinner, Joe."
"Not a problem. We love having you here, you know that. Come by whenever. Have fun tonight. Amanda has something special planned for you," Joe grinned, his voice underlined with laughter.
"Are you sure you can't come?" Amanda asked, her eyes hopeful. Joe bent down and gave her a kiss on the nose.
"I really need to work. But go, have fun."
Lee and Amanda took off for the movie theater, Amanda giving directions to Lee as he drove. "Where is this place?" Lee wondered out loud.
"It was hard to find a theater playing this movie. Trust me, it will be worth it."
Lee groaned out loud when they pulled up to the movie theater of Amanda's choice and saw what was playing, "The Wizard of Oz? Oh, Amanda, come on."
But she was already out of the car and when he joined her hoping to convince her to go someplace else, she grabbed his hand, "Come on. This will be fun. You have to see the movie about your namesake," she teased and Lee found he couldn't say no to the woman standing beside him, her eyes sparkling with laughter.
Not too long later, though, he was sorry he had agreed to this. There was his namesake alright. Barely able to walk and looking both drunk and dumb. Then the music started and Amanda, whose hand was in his, leaned over. Her voice as sweet as this afternoon, but much softer, she began singing again, "If I only had a brain. I could while away the hours, conferrin' with the flowers…"
Suddenly, Lee's breath caught in his throat. Her breath on his ear, her hand in his, her other hand on his shoulder. He couldn't think straight. Deep breaths. Deep breaths, he told himself.
Amanda pulled back, still laughing slightly, clearly missing his discomfort. And after another deep breath, Lee turned toward her horrified. "The Scarecrow needs a brain!" he said, suddenly understanding the point.
She smiled at him, poking him in the ribs, but he continued to watch her horrified. His codename meant that he was brainless?! He was hurt and shocked, and then suddenly he felt himself laughing. It was appropriate, and he knew it. He behaved rashly, acting first, thinking later. Paul Barnes knew what he was doing.
No other words were spoken while they watched the rest of the movie, although Amanda did lean over at one point and whisper, "Can I assume there is no Lion in the Oz Network?" Lee laughed at her, squeezing her hand.
It wasn't until a couple of hours later, after the movie and coffee and watching Amanda walk back into her home, that Lee recalled that moment in the theater when Amanda had been singing in his ear. When he couldn't think past the smell of her perfume in his nose, her voice in his ear, and her hands warm and small where they touched him. It was just as well, he thought, that he had forgotten about the incident until now. He was hardly about to tell Amanda that one more minute of her singing softly in his ear and he would have kissed her.
January 14, 1973
The phone rang in Lee's ear, but he refused to pick it up. It had been ringing incessantly all morning, but he didn't want to talk to anyone. He heard his doorbell, through the ringing of the phone, but he was unwilling to answer either.
"Lee?" the voice came through his answering machine. "This is Paul. I know you're there, son. Please pick up." Vaguely, Lee heard the opening of his door, but didn't comprehend that someone had entered his home or what that would mean.
"Lee, I know how close you were to Dorothy," Paul continued to talk to the machine. "And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. But you need to get past this. Dorothy knew the risks…" Paul's voice stopped abruptly as Lee picked up the machine and hurled it across the room.
It came within inches of the figure standing in the doorway, eyes wide with surprise, hurt, and concern.
Too numb with pain to experience surprise at seeing Amanda standing there, he jumped over to her. "Are you okay?" he asked and she nodded her head.
"It missed me," she said simply.
He smiled slightly, dropping his hands from her shoulders and sat on his bed again.
"Go home, Amanda," his words were warm despite their message, and choosing to ignore them, Amanda sat down beside him, placing a hand on his knee.
"I heard the message," she said in a quiet voice. "I'm so sorry, Lee. I know how much you loved her. I'm sorry." Amanda thought back on recent phone conversations, all of which centered on Dorothy. Lee had fallen in love with her so quickly, but he was completely smitten, and Amanda had thought it was cute.
But now it clearly wasn't cute. And Amanda was faced with all of these emotions she couldn't deal with. Lee was responding so poorly to this, completely cutting himself off from everyone. Seeming to be unable to deal with this with the blow from Eva less than a year and a half behind him. He was even unwilling to talk to her. And on top of that was the simple fact that someone Lee had cared about had died. Had been killed. And Lee had been there. That could have been him. She could have lost him.
She felt the tears in her eyes, but bit her lip to keep from crying. Lee needed her to be strong now, needed to let him talk to her about Dorothy, not cry over his own mortality.
It didn't matter. Lee wouldn't talk to her. He pushed her out the door and wouldn't answer her phone calls. A week later, when frantic, she decided to visit again, the key Lee had given her in hand, she found that he had changed the locks.
To Be Continued…
