Chapter 13: Eeny Meany Mighty Moe
June 14, 1986
Dotty smiled warmly at Joe, placing one hand on his arm while the other shielded her eyes from the bright sunlight. "He looks great out there," she commented.
Joe nodded in agreement, but it was Lee who answered, "He's a natural!" His hand warmly engulfing Leslie's, his eyes didn't leave the field while she glanced at him, wondering at the man she saw. The pride on his face was almost fatherly. The thought was clarified when a younger version of the boy on the field came over and Lee patted his head affectionately. "How's the picture taking going?" he asked.
Jamie's face lit up when he looked at Lee, "It's great. Thanks for the camera. Mrs. Morrison even said she'd pay for any pictures I take of Andy. Coach Wilkenson heard and offered me a job as the team photographer."
Four pairs of eyes moved away from the field to look at the small boy. "What?" Joe asked.
"Yeah, isn't that neat? I'm going to go tell Mom," Jamie said, turning to walk away.
He found Amanda at the snack stand, selling a brownie to Mrs. Michaelson. "Mom, guess what?" he asked, nearly jumping up and down with excitement.
Across the field, Leslie could tell the exact moment Jamie told Amanda, could nearly see her face light up from far away. She smiled as she watched Amanda enfold Jamie in her arms in excitement. Knowing Amanda as she did, through Lee, she was always amazed at how close to her sons she was. They seemed happy now that their father was back in their life, and they clearly appreciated Lee's sudden everyday presence in their lives as well, but they never spoke about the time before that like they had wanted for anything – even male role models. And Amanda was still clearly their best friend, no matter how much they liked Joe and Lee.
She wanted that someday. The family, the house, the white picket fence. She couldn't tell if Lee was okay with that. In some ways it seemed silly. White picket fences did not fit into Lee's world. But when she watched him with Amanda's boys, she wondered. In just a short period of time, he had become such an ingrained part of their lives. Apparently, from the stories she heard, he had not even really known the boys more than a year ago. Now he spent nearly every night there, and even now that he was dating her, after the first few weeks, he started bringing her to Amanda's as well. She could tell that some part of Lee liked the fact that the boys depended on him being there all the time. She just wasn't sure if he would ever be ready to take on that sort of responsibility for real.
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As her eyes followed her youngest son out to the bleachers where he started taking more pictures, they kept going back to the boy standing at first base. Watching him watching the pitcher with intent, she didn't notice she wasn't alone until she felt the hand on her shoulder.
She continued to watch Philip as he caught the ball easily, meaning the last out for the inning. Philip's teammates cheered, and he glanced at her. She raised her hands, so he could see her clapping.
It wasn't until he turned towards his teammates that she turned around, just as Lee softly said, "Amanda, we need to talk."
She nodded her head, trying to ignore the feelings inside. She wasn't sure what to say. They had managed to ignore this topic for two weeks now, but she knew they would need to talk about it eventually. But what to say? Should she apologize? She wasn't sure that she had kissed him. But, nor was she sure that she had not. More importantly, she wasn't sure she was sorry. Nor was she sure that he was. The whole thing was so confusing, but clearing it up was not necessarily going to make things better between them.
With a sigh, she said, "This may not be the best place for this."
"I know," Lee replied softly. "But I'm not sure where is. We've both done a good job of avoiding this for the past few weeks, but we can't keep doing it."
It was right then, as if he had ESP, that Elliott Chambers came running up to the refreshment stand. "Sorry I'm late, Amanda. Hey, Lee!" Elliott said amicably.
Neither Lee nor Amanda said anything, barely acknowledging Elliott's arrival. Looking between them quickly, Elliott laughed nervously. "Well, thanks, Amanda. I can take over now."
Shaking her head, Amanda looked up at Elliott. "Sorry, Elliott. I was lost in thought, I guess. Um,… everything's in place. Thanks," and she walked away without even looking at Lee.
Unfortunately for her, Lee felt certain that the time to talk had come, so following her, he grabbed a hold of her arm and led her to away from the field and the rest of her family.
"We need to talk," he repeated, his voice quiet, but stern.
"I know," she replied, "but…"
"Well, then where IS the best place?" he asked, cutting her off.
"I was just going to say that I don't know what to say."
"Oh," Lee looked at the ground. Truthfully, neither did he, but he hadn't thought about that before. Amanda was never at a loss of things to say, so he thought he just had to bring it up and she could keep up the conversation on her own.
"How are things with Leslie?" Amanda asked, no malice in her voice, just plain old interest.
Lee shook his head. He didn't want to go there. As far as he was concerned, his relationship with Amanda was completely separate from the one with Leslie. He wanted to keep it that way, and talking about Leslie while he tried to sort out what had happened with Amanda would only confuse things – or more honestly, only confuse him.
"I care about you, Amanda. Very much," he started. "And I don't want to lose having you in my life."
"You won't."
Lee looked at the ground, unsure how to go on. He had never seen Amanda so quiet. "I'm sorry?"
"Is that a question?" she asked.
"I don't know. I don't even know what happened, exactly, or why."
"Then what are you sorry for? Are you sorry it happened?" Amanda tried hard to keep her voice even, to cover her fear that he was sorry it had happened, even if she wasn't sure she wasn't, but she failed. Her voice cracked, and her vulnerability came shining through.
Strangely, it was just what Lee needed. He moved closer to her, engulfing her in his arms. "No…, yes…, maybe a little of both. I love you, you have to know that. You are my best friend, Amanda, and I don't want to lose that. But, you and I both know that what happened on your porch was a mistake. I love the place I have in your life, in Philip and Jamie's life. I don't want it to change."
Amanda picked up immediately on what Lee was trying hard not to say, on what she had known he would say all along – she came with responsibilities, ones he was not ready or willing to take on. She had known that all along. It was almost a relief to hear him say that. It clarified all of the thoughts and feelings that had been swirling around her head since that night.
She wanted Lee, she knew she did, but she wasn't being honest with herself. She didn't want him for who he was, and that was why she had been feeling confused. She wanted him for the potential she saw in him to be her everything, but he wasn't that man, even if she thought she saw that potential. Her everything included best friend, husband, lover, and father to her boys. And Lee was not ready to be husband or father. He may never be.
So, she was being unfair – to both of them. In the past two weeks, she had alternated between knowing that the kiss was a mistake and wishing that it wasn't. The longer she had managed to avoid talking about it with Lee, the more she had managed to half convince herself she was already in love with him, even when she saw him with Leslie and felt little jealously. She knew now, that she didn't feel jealous as Leslie didn't have the man she wanted. Lee simply wasn't him. Maybe it would have been convenient if he had been. Then again, she was happy without him in those roles. She had a full life and didn't need more.
Such thoughts cleared up, Amanda pulled away from Lee, smiling at him, the vulnerability from a moment before gone. "I feel the same way," she whispered, leaning up to place a kiss on his cheek.
To Be Continued…
