Chapter 16: Crying Is For Sissies

August 13, 1986 1:35am

Lee was surprised to see the lights on as he approached 4247 Maplewood Dr. He had been half hoping that everyone would be asleep and he could wait for this discussion until morning. He knocked on the front door with a heavy heart and was surprised when Dotty opened the door and quickly engulfed him in a hug.

"Lee! You're all right!" she exclaimed as she pulled him inside. Lee was further surprised when he felt himself engulfed by both Jamie and Philip.

He was about to ask what everyone was still doing up, when Dotty answered for him. "We couldn't sleep. We thought you'd be back by now," her head moved around the room as she spoke. Lee could see the minute it hit her, "Lee, where is Amanda? Why isn't she with you?"

"I think we should sit down," he replied, reaching for a chair himself, not sure he could stand up much longer.

"Is she okay?" Dotty asked while she took a seat. The boys sat on either side of her, their small faces looking worried.

"Can we start from the beginning?" Lee asked, "There's no clear way for me to answer that question otherwise."

Dotty began to nod her head, but then thought better of it. In a wave of panic, she stood up, "Lee Stetson, you tell me immediately where my daughter is! Is she okay, young man?"

In the face of her anger, Lee looked down at the floor. "I don't know."

The anger drained out of her and she sat down again. "Okay, start at the beginning."

"Okay," Lee breathed. "What I'm about to tell you, you can't tell anyone else. Anyone at all. Understand?" He looked over at the boys, hoping they would agree.

Jamie furrowed his brow before he answered, "Not even Mom?"

"Or Dad?" Philip chimed in.

"No, your mom and dad already know, so that's okay. But no one else."

The boys nodded, and glancing at Dotty, Lee took a deep breath, "I'm a … I'm an intelligence operative…a spy."

The reactions were immediate.

Jamie tilted his head to the side, looking at Lee curiously.

Philip smiled wide, "Cool! For real? My mom is friends with a spy? My friends are going to be so jealous!"

Dotty just looked concerned, "You're a spy? For how long? How do Amanda and Joe know? Oh my, is Amanda a spy, too?"

Lee took each in turn, leaning over to squeeze Jamie's hand. "You okay, champ?" Jamie nodded mutely.

Turning to Philip, Lee spoke kindly, but firmly. "Philip, your friends will not be jealous as they will not know. I'm serious. You can't tell anyone. It's far too dangerous."

Philip looked suitably ashamed at having so quickly forgotten his promise, and Lee turned to Dotty.

"I joined the Agency years ago. Amanda and I were still in college and I told her before I joined. Joe found out when he came from Estoccia. The Agency was involved in the clearing him of the assignation of the prime minister. And Amanda isn't really a spy, but she has been helping out from time to time."

Dotty, at a loss of what else to say, nodded. "And right now?"

"She came with me to a party at the Swiss embassy. I was meeting someone there. They were giving me a very important piece of information. They gave it to Amanda instead and someone must have seen. They took Amanda to get the microdot, but no one has contacted us yet, and we don't know where she was. I only moved away from her for a moment, I can't believe she got away." Lee surprised himself when he felt the tears falling silently down his cheeks.

Dotty moved over to sit beside him, taking him into her arms. "I'm sure she'll be fine. Right?"

Lee nodded his head, "She's great, Dotty. Really, she has amazing instincts. I'm sure she'll be fine."

August 13, 1986 7:40am

"Lee…Lee" Jamie's voice called softly as he shook Lee's shoulder. Lee opened his eyes slowly, trying to determine where he was.

"Lee, it's for you. A Mr. Melrose is on the phone," Jamie continued.

Lee sprang to his feet, suddenly remembering – after the talk last night, Dotty had suggested he get some sleep. She and the boys had moved upstairs and Dotty had told Lee to make himself at home in Amanda's room. He had resisted at first, deciding to sleep on the couch, but found he couldn't fall asleep. Looking to be closer to Amanda he had made his way up to her room after all, intending to walk around a little before heading back to the couch.

Once in her room though, he started to cry. The tears were so natural he didn't even notice them at first, he didn't notice anything except the deep longing he felt – the longing to see Amanda again, to talk to her, to hold her, to know she was safe. He sat on her bed heavily, and without thought, brought his head to her pillow. Breathing in her scent made the longing that much stronger, and he could no longer miss the tears streaming from his cheeks. He buried his face in her pillow, crying until he was spent, and then afraid to move, had taken deep breaths, until he had somehow lulled himself to sleep.

Picking up the phone now, he noticed the hardness on his cheeks, the dried tears. It was a strange sensation, and he brushed past it, willing himself to think like an agent, not like Amanda's friend.

"Any word, Billy?" he asked in greeting.

There was a pause on the other end, while Billy took in the voice, professional, but gruff with sleep and a deep depression. He wondered what would happen if they didn't find her. Amanda had been the only constant in Lee's life, even with the intervening years of silence. He wasn't sure how Lee would deal with it if Amanda didn't come home.

"No, no news, Lee. I was just checking up on you. When I couldn't find you at your place, I decided to try you at Amanda's. How did they take it?"

"Like champs," Lee replied. "Really, they were surprised, but okay about it. They seem to have faith that she'll make it through."

"She will," Billy said, with no uncertainty in his words. "You know how good she is, Lee. She was born to be an agent. And this is her chance to prove it."

Lee sighed, "Nice way to see the silver lining, Billy. I'll try to remember that."

He sighed again as he hung up the phone. Stretching his back, he decided to head home to take a shower. He was about to enter Amanda's bathroom to wash his face when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," he called out, and Dotty and the boys entered. Each was dressed, but had circles under their eyes and a haunted look in their eyes. Saddened even further, Lee looked down, "I'm sorry. Still no word."

Lee looked up again, and found Dotty looking at him with a small smile on her face. "You probably don't cry much now that you're all grown up, do you?" she asked, her voice low and even.

Lee brushed at his cheeks, embarrassed at the evidence of last night giving him away. Giving a fast glance in the direction of Philip and Jamie, he parroted back the words his uncle had told him on more than one occasion, "Boys don't cry. Crying is for girls and sissies."

Dotty moved forward, letting her hand run over his cheek. "That's rubbish," she said softly as she took Lee's hand and moved him to sit beside her on Amanda's bed.

Philip sat on his other side, looking up at him with big eyes, "Mom says that's nonsense. Crying is what you do when you're sad and boys get sad, too."

"She says it's something you do when you love someone," Jamie piped in. "I cried last night, too," he whispered, looking at the floor as his eyes filled with tears. "But that's okay, cause I love her," he continued, trying to sound strong.

Lee reached out and hugged Jamie to him, feeling his own tears come again, "I love her, too, Champ. So much."

Dotty, wiping her own tears from her eyes, added, "And that's why she's going to come home. Because we all love her so much and we need her. You know your mother," she said, resting hands on Philip and Jamie. "She's as dependable as they come. She's always there when you need her. So, she'll be home soon safe and sound, because we need her."

The four stayed in place for a minute or two, before Lee got up. "I should get back to the office," he said, his voice still a little shaky.

Three heads in front of him bobbed up and down, the look in their eyes still haunted. "I meant what I said earlier. She's really amazing. If anyone can get out of this, it's Amanda."

Dotty smiled slightly at him and Lee could see a small light shine in Philip's eyes, no doubt thinking it was a little cool that his mom was sort of a spy.

As he made his way out the front door a few minutes later, Dotty approached him again. "You know, you were crying when I met you," she said.

Lee looked at her quizzically for a moment and she continued, "Actually, you weren't. You looked just as you did this morning. No tears, but the remnants of them on your cheeks. It's what drew her to you."

Lee smiled as he remembered, the vague recollection of her small arms around him that day. It was true, if he hadn't been crying he probably would not even know Amanda right now.

Dotty pulled him into a tight hug, "I know you love her, Lee, and I know she loves you. There's few bonds as strong as friendship, especially a friendship as deep as the one the two of you share." She placed a cool hand on his cheek.

"She will come home, Dotty," Lee whispered, but his words were strong. It was clear to both of them that he believed them.

August 13, 1986 8:16am

Amanda shook her head, willing herself awake. Her head felt fuzzy and heavy. As her vision cleared, she could see she was in an unfinished basement of some kind. She remembered little of the night before. Cobra had half carried and half dragged her back towards the van, then past it and into a cabin. He placed her roughly on a chair and kept the gun trained on her as he moved around, finally finding what he wanted. He had moved back toward her and had grabbed her wrist, extending her arm. Without even glancing at her eyes, he had pushed the syringe into her forearm. Amanda had yelped in pain, but whatever he had given her had worked fast, as she didn't remember anything after that.

Looking around, she took in her surroundings. There wasn't much there. She was seated on the floor, her hands tied with rope to what appeared to be a pipe leading towards a hot water heater on the other side of the basement.

Looking down, she realized her shoes were gone and then vaguely remembered them falling off her feet as she had been carried last night. From the rough way he had dragged her, her dress was torn, but appeared to still be in one piece, although she could see a that it had ripped around her midriff and she was scratched up quite a bit on her stomach.

She didn't have much more time to reflect on her condition, however, as Cobra entered himself, throwing a bowl towards her. "Eat," he instructed.

Amanda watched him but didn't respond. "Eat!" he repeated and she glanced at her tied hands and then back at him.

"You stupid…!" his words cut off as he pushed her face into the bowl. "I said eat."

Amanda felt tears prick her eyes at the humiliation of it, but also realized she was hungry and so took a few bites of the slop in the bowl before picking her head up and looking away.

Cobra grinned a little at the sight of her, with watery oatmeal now covering her chin and nose. Leaning over, he took hold of her dress and tore a few inches off the bottom. Instinctively Amanda tried to move away as Cobra leered at her. He threw the material at her and laughed, "Just thought you might want a napkin."

Then he picked up the bowl and left her alone again. Looking at the piece of her dress, just out of her reach, Amanda cried, feeling the oatmeal fall off her face slowly.

To be continued…