Love Potions

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and an itty-bitty, tiny-teeny, yellow polka-dot bikini. Everything else belongs to J. K. Rowling, but I plan to steal it all back from her once I take over the entire universe and all of its contents. I'll get you and your little dog too!

Severus Snape was not having a good day. He spent the entire morning yelling at Gryffindor students, Harry Potter in particular, for being a disorganized group of howling maniacs. The afternoon was filled with grading four-foot long essays about bezoars. Even Snape had to agree that the subject was boring. But, he couldn't admit this, for the sake of keeping his reputation as a horrible teacher who had no respect for student opinions or a social life.

Snape groaned as he pulled out an eight-foot long essay with tiny writing all over it. It was without a doubt Hermione Granger's. That student could write a book about all the people that I've dated! Snape thought, which was zero people. He immediately took out a quill and scribbled a big O on the essay without even reading it. Next was Harry Potter's essay. Snape took out all of his frustrations on that essay, first by performing a shrinking spell and saying that the essay was only three feet and eleven inches long. Snape scrawled a T on the essay, and felt pleased with himself.

Meanwhile, Professor McGonagall was walking down the hall to Snape's office. She was in deep thought, and didn't even notice when she walked right into one of her least favorite students, Draco Malfoy. Both of them seemed dazed for a moment, and continued on their way without a word. McGonagall proceeded to Snape's door, and knocked on it, waiting for an answer.

Snape reluctantly answered the door, he was having so much fun making up bad stuff about Harry Potter'' essay, and purposefully giving him bad grades.

"Hello, Snape- I mean, Hello Severus," McGonagall stuttered.

"Hi, Minnie," Snape replied, glad to see that his favorite person (if anyone could possibly be a favorite of Snape's) was at the door. "What is it that you need?"

"Well, I need you to brew a love potion for me, I am desperate about getting that special someone to like me," McGonagall said.

"Oh," Snape said, startled at this request. "For who?"

"Oh, just someone special," McGonagall said, eyeing Snape with a gleam in her eye.

"Please tell me," Snape said, eager for a bit of gossip.

"Oh, alright. It starts with Slug and ends with Horn," McGonagall said.

"Slughorn!" Snape repeated, feeling enraged. McGonagall had always seemed like a close friend of his, and perhaps even more than a friend, sometimes.

"Yes, he's simply so charming and se-" McGonagall started.

"Okay, I get it," Snape cut her off, not wanting to hear anything that would give him nightmares. "But what's in it for me?"

"How about a thank you?" McGonagall tried.

"No, something bigger," Snape said, testing her.

"A new broom?"

"I don't even know how to fly," Snape exclaimed, bad memories coming back to him/

"Potter's mysterious absence from your class for the rest of the year?"

"Now you're getting there," Snape said.

"Pranking and humiliating Potter?"

"That'll do!" Snape said happily. With McGonagall's help, not only will Potter be entirely miserable, Snape thought, I'll get to spend quality time with my love.

"Potion first, Severus!" McGonagall said impatiently, making Snape pull out of his thoughts.

"Here you go, Minnie," Snape said, taking a pre-made love potion off one of his shelves, and handing it to the professor. McGonagall took it without a word of thanks, and left, leaving a very dazzled Snape behind.

In the Slytherin common room, Draco Malfoy was busy describing to Crabbe and Goyle the woman of his dreams.

"She has the most wonderful form, and her voice is so soft and charming, and she has the most wonderful-" Draco trailed on.

"Draco darling!" an annoying voice called.

Draco groaned inwardly. He hated Pansy Parkinson the most out of all the students at Hogwarts, except maybe Harry Potter. But right now, Pansy was definitely Draco's biggest problem.

"Draco, it's me! You love me! Don't you?" Pansy asked in a worried tone.

"No Pansy, actually, I hate you. You and your annoying ways, you and your voice, you and your talk, you and your everything. I could never love you! Besides, I love someone else," Draco said in a harsh tone that almost made Pansy cry.

"You-don't-like-me-anymore-!" Pansy shouted, enraged. She burst into tears, and ran out of the room, leaving Draco wondering why he didn't break up with her sooner.

In the Gryffindor common room, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were laughing about the latest prank they played on Draco Malfoy.

"The love potion was a great idea!" Ron exclaimed happily.

"And the best of it is, he's in love with McGonagall!" Harry said.

"The first person that he'd see!" Hermione laughed.

"This is gonna be funny!" Harry said, rolling over in laughter. Who knew what adventures would take place…