a/n-I only did the others POV for that chapter! Now im back to Dria's. Sometimes I will do that just so people can check on the other characters once and awhile:)


Olivia,Casey,and I decided that we will all stay together in Casey's apartment because it is bigger. Still no signs of Amanda or her attacker. Munch and Fin went down to CT to investigate more of the camp, and interview counslers and Hacienda girls. I spent most of time sitting at Fin's desk today. Olivia didn't know what I was doing there and why I didn't go try to sleep. I couldn't give her an answer. Nobody can see what's going on in my head right now! When they ask me a question all I can do is stare. Casey also stopped by today to talk to Olivia in private. She gave me a quick smile. Elliot tried to get me to eat,sleep,talk,anything! I can tell he's getting frustrated with my actions like he was my own father. Dr.Huang also makes regular visits to me. Telling me it's not my fault Amanda is gone and that I need to eat and sleep. The way people have been acting around me lately makes me wonder if they think I'm suicidal. Am I? Maybe?

THE NEXT DAY

Munch and Fin couldn't get anything out of counslers and campers. That just makes me more upset. My parents still can't make it down for some reason. Now I have been 2 days without food or sleep. Olivia keeps pulling me into the interrogation room trying to feed me. I refuse. This is not my way of suicide but more of if Amanda can't eat or sleep wherever she is neither can I. Still Dr.Huang thinks I'm nuts! Today I actually told him what I was thinking and he just said that what I was doing was a bad way to let out my anger. Like he knows? A good thing did happen today though! Olivia,Casey,and I are having what they call a girls' night out where we go to dinner,a movie, then go back to the apartment and gossip about guys and stuff. Maybe that will cheer me up?

LATER THAT NIGHT

Where is the knife? I swear this time they did it and I'm going to die because of it! Canceling our night out didn't drive me to this stage that I'm at now! Hell, PMS'ing isn't doing this either! It's just I can't do it anymore! I have tried to be strong really I have but she is not coming back and that's it! Found it! I run to the bathroom and slam the door. I don't care if Olivia is in the house I'm comitting suicide. But what I didn't relized is that Liv heard the door slam. She came running to the door telling me to open it once she noticed Casey's cutting knife gone.

"Dria, Dria, come on sweetie just open the door, let's talk 'bout this." she cooed into the door.

"NO!"

"Do you want me to call Casey home or Amanda's parents, or even your parents?"

"My parents aren't coming, if they really cared they'd be here by now!"

"Dria they care and so do I,Casey,Elliot,Munch,Fin,Amanda,and her parents including Bianca."

Olivia had delt with suicidal teens before but they were usually victims. Alexandria wasn't, she was going to kill herself over Amanda, even though she still had a chance of coming back.

"Alexandria, please." Benson begged. No answer.

"Fine if you won't open the door I'll tell you my story from outside." I lowered the knife to listen.

"I had a best friend too, her name was Alex, one night she was shot and I was there to witness it, my best friend."

"She died." Liv looked down at her feet and continued. "I couldn't deal with it not only was she my best friend but she was one of my work partners."

"What did you do?" I asked from the bathroom.

"Well, I won't lie I did think about suicide, you know I will be with her if I just die, but Elliot told me to think about all the people I would be letting down, future victims,him, and all my friends."

"So?"

"Obviously I didn' do it or I wound't be here giving you this speech, but before you kill yourself, think about all the people you'd be letting down."

I came out of the bathroom in tears and ran into Olivia's open arms, She stroked my hair lovingly and just held me until I was asleep.


My Mom thinks that's heavy stuff but I don't care I need my stories to be dramatic. So what did you think?

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