Edonil: Me again! I was suffering from artist's block, so I figured I'd write for a while. So, uh… Here's chapter four, where once again I mock popular fan theories.
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To Challenge Perfection
Chapter Four: Women
Blank stared at his mug. It was empty. Funny how that worked. One moment it was full, and he was happily drowning his sorrows, and the next, empty.
"Blank?" Blank looked up to see Kuja, his friends… brother. Sort of. Were they really brothers? They were both, like, clones, but different… It was giving Blank a headache. Or maybe the beer was. Whatever.
"Hello, Kuja."
"Are you alright? You look a little under the weather." Typical of the man; he'd never say, "You look awful".
"Yeah. Sort of. Not really."
"Care to tell me?" Kuja asked, sitting down beside him. Blank considered the question for a moment.
"Yeah, I guess. See, there's this girl, Nayeli, and we were going out, but then… She slapped me, and called me faithless, and walked away."
"Why would she do that?"
"I guess she found out about Aoide." Kuja smiled slightly.
"Then I would say that you deserved it."
"Aoide came over about two minutes later, and slapped me. Life's not fair." Blank sighed.
"If you only went out with one lady at a time, you would not have this problem," Kuja pointed out. Blank scowled.
"You know, for some of us, it's actually hard to get a girl!" Kuja looked slightly surprised.
"Are you implying something?"
"Yeah. You probably have girls tripping over each other trying to get to you." Kuja smiled wryly.
"To the contrary, there are women tripping over each other to get away from me. I am a mass-murderer, remember?"
"Yeah, but… You're so damned perfect!"
"Pardon?" Kuja looked genuinely surprised. Blank decided to enlighten him.
"You didn't notice? You never say anything wrong, always behave, you're always eloquent and chivalrous, and have interesting conversations. You never seem to look down on people, and you're always so nice. You gotta get some flaws, man." Kuja looked bewildered.
"I… I hadn't realized. I hope I didn't offend anyone."
"Kuja, you shouldn't care! Who cares if you offended half the world! Honestly, just… You need to get a life. Or a girlfriend."
"I see. Is getting a girlfriend your answer to everything?" Blank nodded.
"Uh-huh. Let's see…" Blank scanned the tavern. "You could ask out… that girl. The blonde over there in the skimpy clothes."
"She is not 'my type'. I am not 'into' girls in no clothing."
"Ok… How 'bout the red-head? She's hot."
"The rule about wearing clothes also applies to her."
"Right. Uh… Can't you be less picky?" Kuja frowned at him. "Ok, ok. How about the brown-haired girl in the corner?"
"The one dressed in the robes of a Priestess of Madeen, sworn to chastity?"
"Oh yeah. Yeah, uh… What about her friend?"
"The one in the robes of a High Priestess of Madeen?"
"Ok… You look, then!"
"Very well." Kuja scanned the crowd. "Hmm… Hmm… I see no one I am attracted to. I apologize, Blank."
"Sheesh! You don't need to apologize! Ok, I have an idea. I point to someone, and you walk over and introduce yourself, regardless of what she looks like. If you really don't like her, you can come back."
"… Very well." Kuja looked rather uninterested in the whole idea.
Blank chose his victim carefully. He wanted to choose someone incredibly hot, someone who was forward enough to break down Kuja's barriers, someone like… her! Bleached-blonde hair, tanned skin, skimpy clothes, and as ditzy as they came. Perfect.
"Her." Kuja looked at the girl.
"You can not be serious."
"But I am. Now go introduce yourself."
"… Very well." Kuja walked over. He bowed slightly to the girl. She grinned. Sitting down next to her, Kuja said something. She said something back. Then she asked him something. Kuja launched into a long explanation of something. She quickly got bored. Eventually, Kuja caught on. He leaned forward and said something to her. Then he pointed at Blank. The girl laughed. Then she told Kuja something. Kuja walked back over to Blank.
"Well?" Blank asked.
"She says that if you want to visit her, you are more than welcome."
"But… She's yours!"
"She had no idea what I was talking about," Kuja pointed out.
"Well… Do you wanna hang out more, 'cause if you do…"
"I am heading back to Alexandria Palace. Have fun." Kuja nodded slightly to the woman as he walked by, and left the tavern.
Well, if Kuja didn't want her…
Edonil: Ok, that was sort of… random. Ah, well, the next chapter should make up for it. Please review!
