Sorry for the long update. I got shipped off to camp. Basically, wading ankle-deep in muck isn't exactly a good source of inspiration.

Oh and thanks so much for all your support! It really makes my day. )

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing or the movie. Don't sue!

Family Portrait (REVISED)

"And what are both of you doing in here?"

Integra stood beside the doorway and glared at the human and the vampire. Walter was plugging in what appeared to be a DVD player into the socket on the wall below it. It sat on top of the television set like a flat cap. Seras was lifting a large white sheet that was covering a sofa, the dust floating off from it in little clouds. She sneezed. Both of them were in the spare guest room, one of many in the mansion that had remained unused for years.

Seras looked up, guilt evident all over her face. Walter simply straightened up and greeted her in his usual brisk and calm manner.

"Good evening, Sir Hellsing. We were just about to watch a movie."

"Really?" she said, stepping into the room. "What is it?" Though Integra didn't feel inclined to watch television in general, today she had felt rather bored. It was strange for her to feel so restless, and she put it down to the fact that there hadn't been a FREAK incident in days. It was another one of those lulls between outbreaks, and she had no idea what to do with the extra time on her hands.

"Here you go, Sir Hellsing," replied the young vampire. She reached out to the side-table beside the sofa and took up the DVD cover. She handed it to the taller woman, and then hurriedly began to fold up the sheet so as to place it to one side. Integra looked at the cover and frowned, her brows knitted together. She flipped the cover and read the synopses at the back, her eyebrows arching upwards with surprise.

"I never thought I'd see a movie with my ancestor's name as the title. And they got the spelling wrong too. It's Van Hellsing, not Van Helsing. But I must say, it does sound promising. I wonder why I've never heard of it?"

(15 mins later…)

All three of them were seated comfortably on the sofa, facing the television set. Seras was in the middle, Integra on the left and Walter on the right, clutching the remote control. A huge bowl was cradled in Seras' lap. Being the middle person, she of course had the honour of holding on to the popcorn throughout the movie.

Walter was about to press the PLAY button when a familiar figure rose out of the floor in a swirl of black mist, effectively blocking the screen.

"Alucard, move," cried Integra to the smiling vampire. He was looking at all of them, as usual completely at ease. He placed his hands on his hips, which together with his wide red coat, made watching the show impossible without him budging.

"My my… This looks like a gathering of some sort. May I join in?"

Integra gave him an icy cold stare, and though it seemed normal, Seras and Walter knew it was another one of their mental sparring sessions. After a while, however, it appeared that Alucard won. Integra's eyes narrowed before she gave a tired sigh.

"All right… all right… as long as you get out of the way…" cried the exasperated Hellsing.

Alucard nodded, as if satisfied with her answer. He sauntered over towards her side of the sofa and gazed down at blonde woman. Without even turning to look at him, she spoke, clearly annoyed.

"What now?"

"I want to sit down, Master."

"There's no space here. I suggest the floor," she said without looking at him. Walter had started the movie, and the credits were rolling onto the screen. She didn't even glance at the vampire, instead grabbing some popcorn and popping it delicately into her mouth.

"Then I'll make room."

He then proceeded to squeeze in beside her, causing a small commotion on the sofa.

"A-lu-card!"

"Awww… Master."

"Honestly."

Everyone had to shift to the right to let him in. He grinned like an idiot, settling his lanky frame down on the seat. One arm was draped on the backrest behind Integra. She sat forward a little, her back ramrod straight, giving him the most withering glance she could manage. Chuckling lightly, he said nothing, instead turning his face towards the screen.

And so the movie began.

( Some time later… )

"I don't understand. How can they even DO THIS!"

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhh…"

"They've completely CHANGED EVERYTHING!"

"I'm afraid I must request that you be quiet, Sir Hellsing. The movie is not yet over."

Integra's eyes were glued to the screen, her eyes flashing an angry electric blue. The hands on her lap were balled into fists. Gritting her teeth in an obvious show of frustration, she forced herself to relax by taking deep, calming breaths.

She failed, of course, and her nostrils flared as her eyes snapped open.

Beside her, Alucard was transfixed by the events on the screen. He was starting to smile to himself, and made little ho hum noises. This only served to irritate the already agitated Hellsing further.

"Enjoying the movie, Alucard," she hissed in an angry whisper.

"Indeed," this was followed by a sigh. "If only my real brides looked half as good as them. Then I wouldn't…"

He stopped at the sight of Integra and Seras glaring at him.

"Fine. I'll keep my comments to myself… And my thoughts, Police Girl," Alucard said moodily, sinking down further into the sofa. His right arm that rested on the backrest shifted forward a little.

Suddenly, there was a loud click. A cold barrel of steel was shoved against his temple.

"I'll appreciate it if you kept your hands to yourself as well," hissed Integra.

The vampire straightened up, absentmindedly removing his hand from her shoulder.

( Near the end of the movie… )

"T-this can't be happening…"

"Shhhhhhhhh…"

"How can this be…?"

There was the sound of a roar from the screen, followed by an exceptionally long wolf howl.

"WHAT IN BLAZES IS-"

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…!"

"Master, it is rude to talk during a movie."

"Talk? TALK? Who wants to talk! I want to MURDER THE SCRIPTWRITER!"

"Shhhhhhh… please Sir Hellsing."

"I will NOT SHUT UP! This is ridiculous. A mockery of the Hellsing name. A-"

"Sir Hellsing, please stop shouting. We can't watch. I've been wanting to see this movie for ages."

Integra's yells were now reduced to angry mutterings. She crossed her arms, her eyes locked angrily on the screen. She was seething with rage. Alucard began to chuckle. He was clearly enjoying all of this. Integra flicked her azure eyes towards him.

"Well at least I'm not a giant flying rat."

The chuckling stopped.

( After the movie… )

"Oh, Walter, it's all my fault."

"Don't blame yourself, Miss Victoria. You had no idea."

Outside, angry shouts could be heard all the way down the quiet corridor. Two people were talking, one trying in vain to calm the other down. Being the only one who could regenerate fast enough, Alucard had volunteered.

"Changing his name from Abraham to Gabriel…"

"Master, please calm down."

"Making him work for the Vatican… taking orders from those damned priests…"

"Master, it's only fiction."

"TURNING HIM INTO A BLASTED WEREWOLF!"

"Well, Master, I actually found that rather amusing."

The pairs of footsteps halted. There was a tense silence.

"Alucard, I have a mission for you."

"Yes, Master." He sounded relieved. At least the woman wasn't going to shoot him.

"You are to leave no survivors, do you understand?"

"Indeed, Master."

"You better pack some things with you."

There was a pause.

"Where am I going?"

High, cold laughter echoed eerily down the hallway.

"Hollywood."

Author's Notes:

I thought the werewolf that Van Helsing turned into looked really awesome. Much better than the scraggly dogs from "Underworld", "An American Werewolf in Paris" and especially "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban".